This is the thing I will never understand. Do they feel so entitled that they think you should be the one starting the conversation?
I saw it more clearly with guys. You can clearly see them get frustrated when you don’t give them attention but I’ve also experienced this with women. They assume that being quiet and not having close friends is a fault of some sort.
I do see that sometimes a person would call me out on not being talkative but why would they assume that I even want to talk to them. Why doesn’t the person see it as “oh she doesn’t want to talk to me” instead of she’s quiet and I need to fix her?
Whenever I have experienced this I also note that other people also aren’t being that talkative so why do they try to put the attention on me. Out of all the people they could of chose to call out for being quiet, why me?
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I think those type of people fear rejection. Instead of assuming it’s something with them or just a lack of interest. They make it about the other person. They are all ego. They think you should want them to talk to you and when you don’t they assume there is something wrong with you.
I consider a person quiet if they don’t participate in group conversations with opinions, stories, feedback or ideas. I don’t consider quiet bad though.
However, if a person does none of the above and rarely laughs, makes facial expressions or other body language that indicates they are participating and enjoying the group to some degree, my lizard brain gets suspicious.
It’s like it recognizes them as an outsider and wants to assess if they can be trusted, if they are safe. It’s a limbic system brain function related to fear. If someone says you are quiet just say, yeah I know but I’m harmless and muster a smile. See if that sets them at ease.
Seriously!!!!! ‘you don’t talk very much’ well, you don’t talk to me at all, so?
I wonder if the people who said this are the talkative ones? The quiet ones, even like myself, tend to be harder to guess or understood in social settings. Maybe when they cannot understand the quieter ones, they will tend to call it out in hopes that you would adjust to them so they can ‘get’ you better, not really understanding that this is an annoying thing to do. Or it could be their way of joking, I wouldn’t know since I don’t know them that well. I do have a friend who would just say stuff like that – ‘why you so quiet?’ just like she would question everyone on every unique thing about that person even repeatedly in different occasions but that also became a funny aspect about her.