Basically my (25, F) girlfriend will sometimes complain when I’m not initiating sex frequently enough, or if I’m not always hard. She’s very insecure about her weight and physical appearance (even though she’s pretty, which I tell her all the time) and that certainly doesn’t help matters. The thing is, it’s not about attractiveness or even something like porn addiction, which a lot of guys I’ve seen suffer from. It’s a bit of a different issue.
I have a bondage fetish. Like, basically I need control in the bedroom, like a compulsion. I can’t stand to be touched, and I have trouble expressing intimacy that doesn’t involve me being dominant. I want to keep her tied up, I want to pin her down, cross her wrists above her, pull on her hair, I want to gag her when she makes noise, I just want this control over her and it arouses me intensely when I get it, and I have trouble performing when I don’t. Simply binding her is enough for me to feel an intense attraction to her, as it’s an erotic activity that gives me control over her, although I don’t really do it very often. I’ve attempted to communicate that but I’ve never been the best at talking about sex, and furthermore, I don’t want to make her uncomfortable. She has enjoyed it in the past when I take control, but I am hesitant over initiating that. I don’t want her to see me like some sort of freak, but honestly I think being open about that fact will improve our sex lives immensely, and would help her not feel this insecurity.
Honestly my penchant for sexual dominance has been something I’ve always felt ashamed of as well, so it’s hard for me to express. Still, I feel like that’s a talk that I should be having, I just don’t know how to initiate it properly.
3 comments
You need to be honest with her! That’s the only way, and it’s always the best way! She’s not going to think you’re weird, just be honest.
Show her this post?
Talk to her about it and some of it may be a hard no from her which means those portions are off the table but maybe her being completely submissive and complying with some of that will be enough for you.
Asking and expressing yourself can be hard about sensitive topics. I’ll usually start those talks by saying this will be hard for me to talk about because you may have some objections or discomfort which is fine I’ll respect that, but I want to bring this up and figure out which of these things we’re both on the same page with. I feel like you should know my fantasies, desires, and I want to ask certain things of you so I’m going to just tell you and talk to you with no reservations or ask you things straight up but keep in mind I don’t want to pressure you into anything you’d be too uncomfortable with I just want to know what works for us out of these desires. Here it is…..