Our son is 5 month old and as my title says, any intimacy starts only if she’s had a few drinks. It wasn’t like this after my daughter was born, nor has it been like this during our 4 years of marriage and 10 years total of being together. Should I be worried or should I led it ride as I know postpartum is a very real thing?
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She’s got 2 kids this time. It can definitely be her hormones.
For me, the second child hit me harder- maybe because I was older, maybe because he was not the easiest baby. I had postpartum and the meds they gave me for it completely kicked any sex drive I had left.
As an aside, sometimes things happen downstairs during birth that can mess with the enjoyment of sex. Imagine getting hit in the nuts real hard, and then every time someone sends a hand or leg that direction you flinch for a while, right? Having a baby is painful and sometimes you need something to help keep you from flinching. It eventually passes, but it a thing. It’s not something anyone talks about, but it’s still real.
Only she can answer that
She could be feeling self conscious about how her body has changed since having kids and that drink allows her to feel a little more brave or less worried about those nagging thoughts of insecurity.
Since it has only been 5 months, I’d give it some time. If you find yourself in the same situation after 8, 10 or even 12 months, that’s the point where I’d start getting concerned.
My wife didn’t want to have sex for the first 6 or 7 months after we had our child and it ultimately turned out to be related to the fact that she just didn’t feel sexy. Her body was still recovering. She was tired and sore and stressed all the time. Sex was honestly the last thing on her mind.
Even though this didn’t happen the first time around for you guys doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something majorly wrong this time.
But we worked through it eventually. In the mean time, make sure to remind her that you find her sexy and you want her and that you’re willing to wait until she feels the same way about herself.
You have to talk to her but don’t jump to conclusions about her mental state and assume the worst.
Having 2 kids to look after is mentally exhausting,it could be as simple as having a couple drinks helps her relax in a way she can’t otherwise.
However if you suspect a dependence on alcohol (is she drinking a lot?) Or depression it would be good to bring this up. Don’t make it about sex because it’s not helpful if someone is going through something to make it about sex, that may make her feel guilty and worse.
Just open with something like “Are you doing ok? Really are you?” And ask some follow up questions. Or “is there anything more I can do to help you?” Even something like “do don’t seem like yourself lately, is anything wrong?” Only after she has opened up should you mention what tipped you off to it.
Yes, she may not be confident with her body anymore
For me, whilst I was breast feeding I had no sex drive. It completely muddled with my sex drive, but after a few drinks I felt a bit more interested in it. So could be soemthing around that.
Personally I wouldn’t talk to her about it now, just do what you can to be a great husband and support her. Make sure she has alone time, make sure you ha e date nights and family time ❤️
Is she breastfeeding? I’m breastfeeding and I’ll second the other commenter that said I have zero drive or desire for sex, in fact it’s quite unpleasant for me right now except when I’ve had a bit to drink sometimes it feels a little more desirable. I wouldn’t say I really “want” to super bad or anything, but I feel like I “could” so I’ll try because I know he wants to.
Could it be? Possible.
What stikes me is she drinking more often now than before?
At least she’s having sex. Mine cut me off almost completely after the first kid and then completely after the second. She became asexual.
Yep. I did this too. Post partum and confidences tanked. After a discussion, or we’ll, several of them. My husband and I started posting our videos on here and I’d take naughty pics to post. It’s like our dirty little secret and also it’s fun for him to check my page and look for new nudes. I flirt with him via the pics. Anyway it worked! Helped my self esteem. I know it’s a wild suggestion but it made me realize my husband thinks I’m hot enough to post online. And then I did and received compliments from people but most importantly my husband. It helped my ppd brain start to get back into the swing of “im a sexual being too. Being a mom doesn’t make me undesirable . I can be both mom to a child and then a sex goddess to my husband “
Sometimes it’s hard to get out of mom mode. She might be using the drinks as a way to relax and unwind. Then she’s ready to have some fun. I’d have a conversation if it’s bothering you but in a very calm and understanding way.
Dude, she’s exhausted
yes. its such a libido killer to be a mom taking care of babies and little kids all the time. stop taking it personally and let the woman have her ways to relax.
If there are no body issues (like still pain or so):
Has she been traumatized through birth?
Or would it be possible that she resents the experience of birth and projects it onto you?