So I’m in UK and started university 1 month ago. I had high hopes for coming to uni in a new city but so far I’m having a kind of miserable time because I can’t seem to make friends. My flatmates are nice, but they pretty much aren’t interested in getting to know me. There is just one of them who I have a good relationship with and we sometimes go out to the pub, but only with people he already knows from before uni. I have also met a couple of people from my course.
I do have friends at home thankfully, but I can’t see them very often during term time.
What bothers me is that everyone else seems to be able to make friends easily and already have good groups of friends, while I have no one. Even when I go to a society, I can’t seem to make any friends and I can barely even talk most of the time. All this might seem quite simple but I find it really affects my mental health. Even though I am fine doing most things on my own, the idea that I just can’t make friends really gets to my head. After all, university is supposed to be the best, most social time of your life and I can’t even make connections here. Does anyone have any advice?
3 comments
Its still early days
Sit with course people and hopefully get to know them.
Have you joined any societies?
Going through the same thing right now at uni. Everyone has created their groups in freshers week and seem kinda closed off in them. Hope you find good advice.
Well, I can say that you’re not alone. I’m also in college, in the U.S :). I took 3 gap years before going back to school, so I separated myself from anyone I might know.. And now everyone I’m in school with exists in clumps of friends they made freshman year or living together or whatever. Moreover, because of my age gap, life experiences and current situation, I feel seperate and different from them.. meaning I’m quite picky about who I interact with (probably bad idk). In 3.5 years, there’s been a few people I’ve liked talking to, but only really one person that I’ve started texting (not about a project or something) and I really connect with.. but guess what! even we stopped talking (i suspect because I have a boyfriend :/ ).
But I’m the kind of person who likes to form deep relationships. It’s hard for me to be surface with people. Does that sound like you? If so, then you might have to wait a little longer to find a connection that truly blossoms for you. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Don’t let people’s large social groups intimidate you, because their style of networking might be much different than yours.
But did you go to school because you are interested in becoming useful to society or because you are interested in socializing? A lot of kids today want to go to the best ‘party schools’. IMHO its ridiculous and selfish and ridiculously selfish.. most people don’t have access to higher education, yet the people who do take it for granted. Lets normalize LEARNING at school again.
Because to be honest, you can make friends anywhere. But if you want to truly apply yourself to your studies, university is probably one of the hardest places to sustain a large social network. You will almost always have to choose between friends and school.
I literally have only 2 friends and I still barely see them because my classes continue to get harder, and, well, I want to be the best so classes are my priority. And I’ve had to accept that that’s where I am in life and that’s okay. I’ve met others in the same exact spot.
Anyway, I hope the best for you and your mental health. Just know that not everything is as glamorous as social media/movies/groups makes it seem. I promise you will make connections.