My bf(28m)’s last two relationships ended bc he got cheated on. The last one was even a gf of 5yrs and they got engaged. I(25f) love my bf very very much. He’s very kind, loving, supports me with everything i wanna do, never controls any part of me, is always willing to communicate etc. but sometimes when i would go out to bars or clubs with friends, he would tell me “pls dont get too close with sketchy guys, okay?“ “dont get too drunk that ur unable to control urself, alright?” he tells me those in a very kind and warm manner that i really love but sometimes i can see that he’s worried something’s gonna happen behind his back. He trusts me so much even when he probably has trust issues bc of his past but never opens up to me about it except once (he’s the type to carry his burdens alone to not bother people). I do want to tell him im not gonna cheat on him like his exes did but i’m worried he doesnt wanna talk about it and might bring back past trauma. How can i assure him that i’m not gonna cheat on him without triggering anything? Thank you
5 comments
you can’t.
> he would tell me “pls dont get too close with sketchy guys, okay?“ “dont get too drunk that ur unable to control urself, alright?”…..How can i assure him that i’m not gonna cheat on him without triggering anything?
Rethink the way you look at this. You are trying to take a him problem and make it a you problem. You can’t fix this. This guy needs therapy. I’d tell him either he needs to start working through his trust issues with a therapist or the relationship is over.
He needs to get over his past and insecurity. Not you. By giving into his insecurity you aren’t helping him, just burying the problem and making it worse.
All you can do is not cheat. His past issues are not your present responsibility. You can tell him that if something does happen—which it won’t—you will tell him immediately, and that takes care of the trust part. But the burden of proof is not on you, and that’s the fast lane to an unhealthy dynamic even if neither of you intend it that way. Just be yourself, and let him either accept it or not. Once you take on the responsibility of someone else’s insecurity, it is very hard to stop.
The only way is with time. Your behavior will show your character. But you can’t assure him. This is his insecurity to control.