We’ve been together for 6 months and started foreplay immediately. She had her first time with me a month ago and we’ve been doing it many times since then. But everytime, all the intercourse is reduced and finalized to just her achieving the most intense feeling she could possibly have right away. We have foreplay, but after 10 minutes she’s already asking me to have penetrative sex and no matter how much I try to insist that the more we ignite each other, the more sex will be satisfying, we end up doing as she says. Once we start having penetrative sex, we change positions about every 60 seconds or so, because:
-She doesn’t feel great stimulation
-She’s not comfortable in terms of positioning
-She doesn’t know how to move (but never cares about learning)
-Other miscellaneous reasons
And always end up doing it in missionary (and its variants), or doggy because these are the only ones she can feel maximum stimulation while I can do the work and she can stay still. I always feels like a bomb defuser, in which I have to make her reach a vaginal orgasm before the bomb explodes, that is her fingering her clit to orgasm. That is the end, because after that she loses all the sex drive and that’s it. Then she asks me if I want to cum as well and starts with a fast handjob (no blowjob because of the bad taste from condom) until I orgasm. Throughout the intercourse she’s always complaining about stuff every 15 seconds, like “that hurts, this is not comfortable, I don’t want to do that, that doesn’t make me feel properly, that’s gross” and so on. She doesn’t want to be kissed because “that does confuse her and is not focused on her getting to orgasm”. I can’t sexually express myself. I’m frustrated for two reasons: the first because sex should be about passion, love, feeling eachother’s bodies becoming one, desire; but with her it seems like I’m a clerk doing office tasks under my supervisor guide. The second reason is that I feel useless, unable to make her feel as she’d want to, despite being over 6 inches and having an excellent stamina and resistance. Never had a partner who didn’t appreciate that or that made me feel this bad. The third and most important reason is that she’s the only girl I’ve ever loved and which I plan to spend all my life with. Everything except sex is the top I could ever ask for, she’s the girl of my dreams. She’s even more in love and it looks like something come out from a Nicholas Sparks book. Despite that, I’m happy of having sex with that and these feelings alone make me sexually desire her. But for how long?
I’ve tried telling her all of this and she just replied that she likes what we do and that we will change things because otherwise it would become boring. She also says that she will try being less selfish, but I don’t believe her. You can’t change people. She’s previously admitted she doesn’t find pleasure in satisfying her partner and sees that more as a chore. What should I do?
5 comments
If she’s not willing to change at least a bit you’re not compatible sexually. You can either accept that or not.
If a time traveling version of yourself from 20 years in the future came back to talk to you, what would they say? You’re probably right that she’s not going to change, are you willing to have this be your future? Sex is an important part of a relationship, and only getting a hurried handjob that she feels is a chore and not worth her time or effort doesn’t sound like a great start, and it’s probably going to get worse over time. Your comment about never having a partner that made you feel this bad about yourself is kind of important.
Tell her it’s not the destination, it’s the traveling. It takes time to get good together, and your just starting out. If she won’t listen, you have a decision to make.
It sounds like she wants a living Dildo. She just wants you to pleasure her and doesn’t seem to he treating you like a mutual partner with respect and desire. I would definitely recommend talking to her about how sex is a mutual act. She’s not being a considerate partner and treating you unfairly. If it persists I would buy her a big suction cup dildo, hand it to her and say that’s what it seems like she really wants is just a sex toy.
Well you can accept this is how it is and leave her. You can accept this is how it is and just sit back and accept it. You can tell her you dislike sex with her and she will change or you will leave and see what she does. Lastly and perhaps more dangerously, you can introduce some new things become a bit more dominant. Tell her you want to take more control and want to see how she feels about it. It sounds crazy but I’ve known a girl or two just like her. Both ended up being very submissive. Some ppl will disagree with that last option, but I’m telling you in what I’ve seen its atleast likely that she is submissive and just wants someone to take control and stop her from over thinking.