i miss my best friend

my (20f) best friend (21m) and i cut contact a few months back and i want to reach out but am not sure how.

for context we met over instagram, and he tried flirting with me and asked me on a few dates. i wasn’t interested at the time but we ended up hanging out as friends. we would have sleepovers consistently and he helped me with so much, nothing beyond cuddling happened ever. from my perspective i had found a very beautiful friendship and cherished it.

i knew that throughout our friendship he was attracted to me and was fine with that because he always respected that i wasn’t interested. however i was worried that he was only so good to me with hopes to sleep with me or date me.

in the spring i started seeing someone and stopped having sleepovers with him and really seeing him altogether except for rare occasions. i still texted him often and called as i wanted to maintain our friendship. i know i fucked up here, i was trying to maintain boundaries in my new relationship and handle insecurities, i shouldn’t have completely stopped seeing my friend.

the relationship didn’t last long (3ish months) and when it ended i guess i expected things to go back to how they were, i was quite selfish and did not take he’s feelings into account enough. he had been talking to a girl (wasn’t serious) and had a new job. i was trying to handle my breakup and wanted him to be on the same page about our friendship. i took it personally when he wasn’t as open to being super close again, when he was really just busy and dealing with his own stuff.

this is where things fell apart though, we were playing video games and talking in discord, when he made a comment that was along the lines of “things are different because i was attracted to you back then” and i overreacted. i was still trying to get over the breakup and when i heard that i took it as “i was only good to you and close with you because i wanted to sleep with you”.

after this i sent him a message cutting him off. i have a difficult time with emotions running high and making decisions like this, im aware and i’m actively working on it. however a few weeks later i wanted to hear his voice and maybe talk about the situation but he didn’t answer and i never got a call back.

now it’s been a few months, i’ve reflected some and i miss him and his presence in my life. he is so lovely and wonderful and i really should’ve been better to him. one of the most thoughtful and selfless people.

my question is what would be the best way to reach out (if that’s a good decision at all)? i know he didn’t answer the last time i reached out, but even seeing him once would help. i love him so dearly.

(i’m moving out of state and don’t think i’d ever see him again if i don’t soon)

TLDR- my friend and i haven’t spoken in months and i’d like to see him again, how do i reach out?