So, I worked in an office and for a while my boss has been showing an interest with me. Most of the signs have been non verbal with exception of a time when he whistled at me as I passed by. When this happened I was mortified. I have also caught him staring at me with googly eyes. Keep in mind, he is a director and I his assistant so he has never verbally said anything. I actually tried to transfer out a few months ago, but he blocked my transfer.
My boss never mentions his wife at all in any capacity and perhaps this is intentional. Any way, he was out of the office last week and sent me an email informing that he would be out of the office. I saw it but did not respond as I was busy with other projects.
So, I came in this morning did my duties and greeted him and asked him how he was feeling. He goes on to say oh I was not sick at all, I stayed up late helping my wife with a project and did not feel like coming to work because I would not be able to function. I was like um okay, it just seemed a bit like overkill and I guess after a while you get accustomed to someone’s “baseline” if that makes sense.
Also, a new position came up in a different department that I expressed interest in. I had to give him a heads up as it is company policy and the supervisor has to approve. When I told him this he turned red and took a deep breath. He claimed he had no issue with this but the last time he and another manager stalled and never approved it. (I am trying to paint a habitual pattern with his behavior).
TL DR: (Do you think that my boss is trying to make me jealous?) At this rate, it seems like it will be very hard getting OUT of this department unless I just move OUT of the organization in its entirety. He did say he would try to get me a raise later as we would have more work and it would warrant it, but I always fear that if I did get it, what would he expect in return and that a bunch of pressure I don’t need.
8 comments
I would 100% look for a job OUTSIDE of this organization. This man does not have the best interests of your career in his thoughts. I wouldn’t be surprised if he does everything he can to prevent you from transferring. You need to get far away from him and you need to do it in a way he has no control over.
It’s strange you think he’s trying to “make you jealous.” He didn’t mention his wife likely, because it didn’t come up in conversation prior to that. Does he wear a wedding ring?
Also be sure of your accusations. You could be misreading everything and can find yourself without a job and quite embarrassed. Tread very very lightly.
I recommend looking up the reporting structure in your organization, and also documenting all of his behavior. This is worth taking over his head.
Start applying for other jobs. I would also report him for sexual harassment, but make sure your ass is covered.
You either leave the organization or you go to HR with documentation of everything that’s occurred. This isn’t something you can work out with the person you feel is sexually harassing you.
Your boss is sexually harassing you and he’s also letting you know that he will not let you transfer out of his department. It doesn’t matter why he’s acting the way he is — he’s being 100% inappropriate in the workplace and you are not being treated fairly. You should leave this company entirely and find a new organization that doesn’t tolerate its bosses harassing female subordinates every single day.
Are you interested in your married boss or trying to leave? Your post is confusing
The only thing you’ve mentioned that is out of line was the whistle. And maybe the “googly eyes.”
So how and why you’ve taken your boss saying “yeah, the reason I wasn’t in was my wife wasn’t well and I was helping her” as being “he’s making a play for me to be jealous” is … weird?
I rarely bring up my partner (of many, many years) at work, because in almost every situation, the existence of my partner is irrelevant. But if someone asked why I looked down and the reason was “Oh, my partner has been sick, and it’s hard”, I’d say so. It would have nothing to do with playing games with them.
I suggest you find other work. Because maybe your boss is a shithead, but what is sure is that you’re spending far too much energy trying to read his mind.