To start off I’ve had confidence issues for a while now. Grew up in a small town in Canada and was made fun of for being Asian so never dated and had very few friends while in high school. Thought it would be better when I go to a large city for university. Met new people and thought I hit it off with a few but they only saw me as a friend. I even heard the dreaded “Sorry I’m not into Asians” a couple of times with one of them being Asian herself and we were talking in Cantonese. Started hitting the gym but that seemed to only get compliments from other guys. Never had a relationship in university and at that point my confidence was non-existent. Had an unattractive low paying career and didn’t even attempt dating after that. I would be a virgin until now if it wasn’t for a random hookup while I was in Mexico with friends when i was 28. I’m still shocked by that because she was insanely attractive and spoke little english. I went back to school at 30 for computer science after being laid off, graduated and now have a great job.
I decided to try bumble and tinder a couple of weeks ago and at first it seemed like it was working with about 10 likes on bumble and 25 on tinder. On bumble only 3 matches -> 1 conversation that was mostly me asking about her and her with short answers and then silence. Tinder, I had 6 matches but only 2 responded back to me, one was a scam and the other I talked to her for a day and then silence. I was able to make out the blurry likes and found they were overweight. Turned off age filters and noticed that some other blurry likes were a lot older than me like late 40s early 50s. My matches that lead to conversations were in their early 30s. I’m fit, 5’10, well educated and now have a good career so I thought it would get better. Negatives about me are I’m Asian(yes this sounds bad but you’ve seen the stats), average/slightly below average looks, no dating experience and am only starting my career at the age of 35. After the first week, likes and matches went dry. I have 0 likes now on bumble and 12 on tinder that have been there since the first week. Also tried tantan recently but the 2 matches there don’t speak english. Thinking about giving up on OLD and even dating in general at this point. I don’t have any friends here since moving to this city for work so I usually end up going out alone most of the time. I tried going to different meetups to meet new people but it was 90% guys. Interestingly, a guy even hit on me at a pub which was a confidence booster. I feel like it’s just too late for me at this point.
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I can relate my friend, I tried OLD a couple of times and never got any likes from women (accept really, really ugly ones and that was only a couple of times) Then just for grins I tried going global, I got quite a few likes from women of other nations and even chatted with a few but then I got the reality hammer dropped on me and since then I have decided to just keep flying solo.
I’m not suggesting you do the same, I’m just saying that for a guy like me who’s 40, almost done with the Military and never dated before….Its an exercise in futility, I see that now.
Mate, I am 30 and just been out of two back to back relationships for the past 6 years. I completely missed all of the online dating… Now I got cheated on and threw myself out there again signing up on my first ever dating app and I am not even bad looking but it just has been a shit experience so far. Women just have so many men to choose from while men have to pray to get one reply after trying so many times. Some girls write back and then simply don’t respond for another 3 days so a conversation can just never come up. I just met a girl last week and we hit it off absolutely great, we kept talking everyday, it was exciting and nice and felt like we are going to have such a fun first date together.. only for her to stop responding to my messages on the day of our first date and later on deleting her app profile and her telegram. We literally just spend all week messaging each other from morning to night and then she just ghosts me. I don’t know, I kinda already wanna stop.
I feel like if I just do my thing, go workout, take care of myself and go out I will be more lucky in finding others than online. It is such a depressing grind almost, you really gotta put in work to even get a reply.
I rather just take my luck back outside, used to always work for me so far…
I think it’s the current meta of dating apps right now, the deck is stacked against men. I struggle with the same issues you have on them with considerably different inputs. Same age but I’m white, well over 6 feet, 10 years into a stable and well paying career, in good shape, average to above average looking, and put effort into being compassionate and engaging. I also have 0 matches across 4 dating apps and also 0 message history. Occasionally I will miss a match and they’re exclusively partners that I’m not attracted to: very overweight women, obvious scams or content promoters, and transsexuals.
It is devastating to confidence and changes your perspective on how you view yourself. Even more so when you have more attractive friends that somehow find great success on the same apps. Looking into it a little, it seems that dating app users are predominately male, like an 80-20 split. As such, 90% of women are incredibly selective on them and only match with the top 10% of attractive men, which leaves the remaining bottom 90% of men competing for the bottom 10% of women in terms of attractiveness.
This seems to explain why some men can absolutely clean up on dating apps, yet many find only crickets. It seems as if you and I are simply too ugly for dating apps. I don’t have great advice for what to pursue instead, still trying to figure that out myself, but the good news is that dynamic is not reflective of real world densities, so there has to be another way.
Start cold approaching, you will find someone eventually
This is going to seem random, but how are your profile pics? Any female friends that you give you advice? How are your teeth? That’s a big part people overlook. Your smile makes one of the biggest first impressions. Having the things you can control in tip top shape matters. So job, weight, hygiene, clothing, teeth…those all matter and are controllable.
Hey man don’t think about the numbers too much, I consider myself an attractive half Asian 26yr old, and dating is hard even when I’m called hot by lots of women on these sites. I wouldn’t use bumble or tinder honestly, I’ve met better quality women on hinge. I’ve definitely experienced the Asian men discrimination in dating, but there are women out there who are into Asians, especially the Latinas 😏
Dude, it’s never too late!
I would say that OLD is not worth it to most guys. Unless you are incredibly attractive then the results you are getting is pretty common. Women just have too many options there and obv they will pick only the hottest guys.
I would suggest going to pubs where there are a lot of people or if you want to meet women during the day then to a busy park.
You can open with something like “Hi, I saw you and you seemed cool, my name is xyz..
After that, don’t try to find the coolest topic – just go with something that feels the best atm.
Talk about stuff that makes YOU laugh, that makes YOU feel good – if you feel good then she will feel good and add flirting.
I’d say that teasing is the heart and soul of flirting – obviously don’t overdo it but girls like challenge. I am not talking about insulting the girl but busting her “balls” as you would with your best buddies.
I would highly recommend David Dawns free book “The Dating Book for Men” ([direct link](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yhOTqE0OGAt2IWkdVpV4VZevksE5gAm4/view)). I have been following his advice for couple of months now and it isn’t that complicated – it helped me a lot in terms of approaching girls and keeping interactions going, flirting, asking for a date etc..
When jumping into interactions.. Just do your best and later reflect on your conversations and be objective about your successes and failures! Also, some people will be dry and your energies don’t match – that’s ok also.. just move on.
>After the first week, likes and matches went dry. I have 0 likes now on bumble and 12 on tinder that have been there since the first week. Also tried tantan recently but the 2 matches there don’t speak english.
I am also an Asian in Canada. There’s a lot of local meta when it comes to dating apps, and in my experience Tinder is full of scammers trying to get you to buy bitcoins, and bumble is a dead end for me. I’ll try Coffee and Bagel, Hinge, and 2RedBean.
>I don’t have any friends here since moving to this city for work so I usually end up going out alone most of the time. I tried going to different meetups to meet new people but it was 90% guys.
I think having friends is super-important, not just for dating but for mental wellness. Also the idea of having friends and female friends are just for you to practice social interaction and have things to talk about when you do have a potential date.
>I feel like it’s just too late for me at this point.
I felt the same at one point and I’ve come to the conclusion that you can either just lay down and give up, or keep trying for that slim chance of success.
I am 22 years old and i teied parship over a year more or less frequently. Ths same issues there. Almost no matches. With some few girls some conversations but under 10 girls. I messaged oder 10 girls in the last two weeks zero responses one girl today just sayed good bye after she read the message. I just deleted all the apps i don’t care how much i spent on parship because i cancled the service to late. It costs way to much with to less chances and there are not much women at all it stresses me out. I will go to some club parties in my region this fall anyway i try my luck there. Wish you guys best of luck.
I think the apps reached a threshold of development (or degradation tbh) that they are not worth the cost of time and effort. Most guys with very different inputs still get the same thing, if people approach the apps from so many angles and even playing them like a game and still for most of them it gets nothing then it doesn’t work.
The only rhing I can reccomend is to develop digestable humor and learn to tease without offending. This can be only done if you push yourself, socially
The struggle is real my brother, that’s normal. The 70-30 ratio of men to women doesn’t help the situation much either lol.
Dating apps are 70-80 % men these days. It’s like going to a party with 24 guys and 6 girls to meet women. Don’t take it personally.