Okay… I matched with this guy and hooked up with him a few times. Never had better sex in my life. But I’m a college student, he’s employed, he never offers to Uber me home, and usually lets me get one drink at the bar before he escorts me back to his place. I genuinely can’t stop thinking about him, and I’ve tried to get myself to see other men, but they’re nothing like him. The problem is, I’m going crazy. I genuinely can’t handle not knowing what’s going to happen. He texts me last minute to pull up, and Its always at a late hour. And we made plans to hang out yesterday but he canceled last minute after I went and got all ready. I haven’t responded to his cancellation text because I am so upset, but I don’t know what to do, because I don’t wanna lose out on him. My anxiety levels are through the roof. He’s only looking at me for my body. But I need to know how to make him Into my man!! What do I respond to his cancellation text and should I? ***everyone that keeps saying he’s married- I have him on insta and he’s not! He also cuddles with me and offers to stay the night- why would he do that if I was just a HU
42 comments
I think you got it figured out: how only wants you for your body and sex. Thats totally whats expected when you use these apps (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge etc).
Have you considered that he doesnt want to be “your man”?
Hey OP, first off you can’t “make him into” your man. You can’t make anyone do something they don’t want to.
I feel you about the anxiety, I’ve been there a few times. It’s usually there because you’re ruminating and trying to have control over something that you can’t. But you can control your own actions in this scenario. One of the best things I learned is that you should stop trying to appear cool and chill if that’s not how you feel. If you feel upset by what he did, you can tell him (not by losing it or being aggressive, just stating it). That’s you establishing your boundaries.
Finally, if you do truly think that you have actual feelings for this guy, you will eventually have to tell him what it is you want. He cannot guess, and you will end up getting hurt by pretending to go along with his desires. You have to tell people what you want in life. I did it with my FWB after two months of seeing each other, and we are now in a long-term relationship
Good luck OP
This is like the most cliched post ever.
How to tell me you are a side chick without saying you are a side chick.
Seems like the writings on the walls about him not looking for something serious with you outside of sex, if you don’t think he cares and you don’t wanna come off like you care just don’t respond to his cancellation text. But it sounds like you want to date him seriously, so you can either be upfront and ask for a real date not just a booty call or keep letting him do his thing. The situation is ultimately what you make of it.
You need to match his energy if you ever want to “make him your man”. I’m not saying the relationship would be healthy or last, but I’m saying that if you want to get it in the first place…you have to move the ball into your court.
You need to seem like you don’t care as much as you do #1 (coming on a little strong for a hookup buddy here), then just play it off and cool. Plans will be made again…he’s a guy who wants sex, go to those ones but don’t seem eager—play it COOL and very non committal. THEN when he tries to hang out the time after that, agree & wait until about an hour or two before and cancel. You have to have some power here or else you will be exactly what you already are—a situationship/ f*c& buddy until he meets someone else.
Once you seem unbothered, he will hopefully want your attention. Then when he tries to hookup, don’t. Be like “well I’m really busy this week in the evenings and have to be up early, but we could pop over and get coffee at X place—I have about an hour or so on Wednesday”. At that point you will see if he’s willing to even do anything outside the bedroom with you at all.
You said it yourself, he’s only using you for your body. You’re only using him for his as well, and frankly you should keep it that way because his personality seems shitty. You can’t force him to date you.
Go back to your dating site. I guarantee this guy is married and probably has kids. You need to start your husband search all over again, and next time do a background check before you get too invested in a stranger.
Stop fucking him.
Well he cancelled because his wife changed her mind about going to her mother’s.
He doesn’t see you as anything other than a quick fuck. Don’t get too attached or try to lose the feelings.
You sound like convenient sex when he wants and not much else.
If you want more you should make it clear but tbh ye may simply block you or string you along after that. But making your want clear is where it starts and ends.
Its like that one meme.
Two guys text a girl, one who offers her favorite food or whatever and the other offers to f her brains out or whatever. And only one of the numbers are saved, the “badboy” or whatever.
Classic or whatever.
Face the reality check. It’s never going to happen.
You are an on demand hook up and he pays the price of a drink. What about this man sounds like he has what you need in a partner and is interested in giving it to you?
He clearly is either married or has a girlfriend or he probably just don’t want a relationship. Take a hint you can’t make someone your man he’s treating you like a fuck and dump and you’re accepting it
It is a booty call, not anything else, he is hooking up for sex.
Girl…let me tell you something. Get yourself 3 other guys to talk to, if you’re not looking for something serious. I’ve had a sneaky link before who became my boyfriend, and he was cheating on me since day one and then when I thought about it, was he using me to cheat on someone else too? I felt instantly disgusted with myself that I even entertained him. Do yourself the kindness of giving yourself the harsh truth that he’s not for you. Don’t listen to pretty words, watch his actions. If he wanted you more than just a fuck, he would show it.
So tou want to “make him your man” because hes a good fuck but has no other qualities? What exactly do you think your relationship/marriage would be like?
Lmao you don’t 😂
leave him alone
He is married or otherwise attached
“Wow, just saw your text. That worked out perfect. I double booked you and another friend on the same night. Hope you had a great time 🙂 ”
Let him wonder. If he pursues you, you’ll know he’s really into you just on the struggle bus.
Is he does any red flag behavior move on. Life isn’t all about sex. Though great sex is 🤌
First thing to note, this is the quintessential Chad and Tyrone behaviour.
Secondarily the odds of making him “your man” is next to nil. Why?
Because you’ve shown him that it’s not hard to attain you, and for a majority of men, attaining means have sex with. With that being said, that isn’t ALL a guy wants, but it is very important to a man, arguably the top 2 for 90% of men. You have repeatedly shown thG, 1 drink or a late night text is all you require to allow him access to your body, therefore he may be even on a subconscious level, doesn’t want to be with you for the long haul. Similar to (this doesn’t apply to all women but definitely many) a guy who has a low paying job but can do better but just truly has no desire to get a better job and wants to just play videogames all day, many women can be like he has this he has that and all the potential in the world but he doesn’t utilize it so I cannot see myself being with him. Both are generalizations, but with all generalizations it just means they are generally true (you also mentioned he has a job but never pays for. Your Uber..)
Unfortunately for you, he won’t make you his until you can offer him something that he may not think is already easily attained from you. Let’s assume for one second you see him as an average everyday Joe.[AEJ]
Well if he the AEJ Only had to put in ABC amount of effort to “get you” what if another guy slightly better wants you, will he have to put in less? Again I don’t know you and am not making any assumptions about you. But it is human nature. Why do people love diamonds so much? Because everybody and anyone can pick one up on the ground? Those are rocks.
I was just like you and wasted a whole year on some guy after I got WAY too invested in a booty call. Just let him go. You can’t “lose out on him” cause you don’t have him, and you never will. Put yourself first.
He already got want he wants from you without commitment. He probably has a whole other life. I’d say talk to him. Try go on dates like a normal courting couple would. If he can’t give you that just move on and don’t look back
It’s aready too late. If you were trying to find a boyfriend you should conduct yourself in a manner that would make you wife material. “Pullin up” to your sneaky link’s crib at 10:30 at night isn’t wife material.
Ask yourself the question “What do I have to offer this man that no other woman can?”
Not to be harsh, but this isnt a him problem… it’s a you problem and theres no quick fix. Finish school. Find a job. Get a car and set some standards for yourself. A nice body ain’t gonna do it
Sounds like he’s married or in a relationship. Look at it, last minute, late at night, one drink and no Uber? Honey that means he probably has a joint bank account and your probably not the only side piece he’s got or he’s done this before. Do you really want to make this guy your man? he has no other qualities except being good in bed how long is that really gonna last I mean do you not want conversation do you not want to go to fun stuff like concerts picnics things like that? And unfortunately you’re going to get sick and tired of being in limbo here you’re going to tell the guy how you feel and he’s going to tell you hey I was just send it for the sex I’m married or I have a girlfriend this can’t go any farther then what are you gonna do?
This is a lost cause .
Read up on codependancy and obsessive attatchment. Basically the fact that you obsess is your brain trying to control the situation. The fact that you fall for someone who is emotionally unavailable could be due to feeling rejected by a parent or family member, and a partner who is always unavailable feels familiar. Basically what you need to do is focus on yourself and your own life and ignore him until you start to feel like yourself again. Its a hormonal imbalance in your brain and chasing him is not gonna get you what you want. He is unavailable ans isnt gonna change.
You’re the side chick. Just move on and find someone who doesn’t see you as an object.
Sounds like you’re a booty call, and possibly not his only one. If you want more just lay it out and tell him you’re looking to be in an exclusive dating relationship and if he’s not down with that then it’s been fun.
He’s a fuck boy and you’re a fuck toy. That won’t change until you move on. Don’t feed the wolves.
You’re a booty call thats it. If you’re looking for more cut ties. To him you’re nothing other than an option period.
Sounds like you might be “the other woman”, possibly. Find someone else. You can’t make him want you and he’ll manipulate the fact that you want him so bad and keep stringing you along.
You are dickmatized. Trust me, you will find another guy who is great in bed but also respects you. Take your control back and dump him.
I’ve been fwb with the same man for four years, he’s very sweet, treats me very well, we get food, smoke, have sex, cuddle and spend the night together. I used to want him to be my man, but over the years he has made it very clear we are good friends that have a sexual relationship, nothing more. Men can maintain sexual relationships while giving relationship benefits, without ever wanting to be with you. This guy allows you to get one drink before taking you home, fucking you and then sending you on your way without even calling an Uber lmao, he’s not interested in anything other than a quick fuck. I’m curious to know your ages. I suffered from the same attachment issues when I was young and seeing older men that only ever wanted to fuck.
“I have him on insta”
Because no married man ever has created a fake one for hook ups and blocked their hook up on their real one.
Okay, hard reality here as I was for the longest time the sneaky link myself. He DOESN’T want more from you. Just because you have his Insta doesn’t mean you know anything about his life, so, now that that’s outta the way, you can’t make him into you. When all he wants is fun, he’ll get that for as long as he’s interested in that said fun and then be gone and if he has decency, he’ll tell you, but as far as I can guess from what you write, he won’t even do that and ghost you.
You make plans, he cancels last minute. He doesn’t care about you i.e. pays the Uber or spends time with you. He doesn’t want to know about you as a person, he doesn’t want to spend time with you, speaking one drink at the bar before leaving, etc.
Just be honest to yourself and cancel on him, because he’s not doing ANYTHING for you as he spirals your anxiety. It’s not going anywhere.
you are his cum dumpster and nothing more and never will be nothing more.
I feel bad for your future partner already. I can just see it that this guy will be “the one that got away” and you will settle for everyone else.
Dudes using his dick as a McDonald’s drive through… from female to female, your being used as a side piece.. either he’s got himself a wife, gf, or list of other hookups… RUN!
Sorry sweetie, you’re just a hook up!
He doesn’t value your time – he cancels last minute.
He doesn’t value your safety – how do you get home if he doesn’t organise you a way to get home, but seriously YOU should be making sure you have a way home.
He doesn’t want to be seen with you in public – we get 1 drink and leave.
He is using you for sex and you know this. You should be focused on someone who puts you first not chasing someone who couldn’t care less.