Hi Reddit. I (F28) have been seeing my boyfriend (m35) since mid-August. We’ve been talking on and off online since June, but didn’t meet in person until August when we started going on weekly dates and didn’t really get physical until earlier this month.
I’m conflicted because recently in an intimate moment he told me he is in love with me. I was honestly taken aback. I do have very strong feelings for him and I can see us having a future together, but I feel like we haven’t known each other long enough or been through enough together to call my feelings being in love? I told him I feel like I could love him and explained that I don’t want to say something without fully meaning it and he took it well, but I’ve been having some anxiety about it since.
I don’t know what to make of it honestly. I don’t want to say something I would later regret and I don’t feel like I’ve seen enough of his person (nor has he seen enough of mine) to call what we have love. I don’t know how to tell him that/talk to him more about this or if I should just leave this be until my feelings change.
TL;DR My new boyfriend told me he’s in love with me, I think it’s too soon for us to be in love. I don’t know if I should talk to him about this more or if I should leave it be until my feelings change.
5 comments
I don’t have advice but this same thing just happened to me :/ I didn’t know what to say. I just didn’t say anything. Idk if that’s worse.
He took it well. He respects your space. Please occupy your space freely and without anxiety. This is what’s best for him to no matter what conclusion you come to.
But green flag from him is a great sign. Just take your time! No pressure to reciprocate! And if he says it again you can say “thank you for being honest, but I need time to get to know you better.”
If you continue having anxiety about it please let him know too. If he’s a keeper, he will back off immediately.
Be careful it’s not love bombardment. It’s his next actions that will tell you this. It seems like he’s been great so far!
What’s most helpful for him is letting him know your boundaries around the topic. He might genuinely just want you to know he loves you, and will certainly give you space if you need it.
You told him that you aren’t there yet, but feel you might eventually be. That’s fine. That communicates what is needed. Different people are ready after different amounts of time, and different people mean different things when they say, “I love you”. He probably says it more easily and you say it less easily, and that’s totally okay. Since he wasn’t saying it super quickly or pressuring you to say it before you’re ready and you aren’t holding off on saying it for years and years this is within that range where this isn’t worrisome about either of you. Hopefully he has the maturity to realize that and you both can just keep enjoying the relationship and maybe it will build to a point someday when you are clearly in love with him.
People have different thresholds. If you’re not there, it’s really early. I wouldn’t sweat it at all. Just enjoy the relationship.
Your feelings and anxieties about this are totally valid and normal. I think most people would say it’s too soon. Your communication with him was excellent, too. So long as you keep that up, I think everything will be okay and you’re just a little shocked right now.
His feelings are totally valid and normal, too. While it may seem strange or too soon for other people, only he knows how he truly feels and how he processes his emotions. It sounds like his reaction was excellent, too. So, nothing to worry about there.
Offering my own experience, I (29f) met my partner (34m) in Oct. 2020, we told each other we loved each other in Dec. 2020 and most people would say that’s too soon. Then, defying social norms yet again… we moved in together mid-Jan. 2021, also seen as too soon. If you FFWD to now, we are happily married, expecting our first little one, and we bought a house together.
All of this to say, you will always find someone that thinks something you’re doing is “too soon.” Eventually, you’ll realize that moving at your own speed is the perfect pace for you and the only other opinion that matters is your partner’s.