First of all, thank you all for the response! You guys helped me clear my mind a lot. We had long conversations and a lot of arguments, and she kept telling me I had no need for toys when she lived with me. I told her is absurd she knows that I needed toys to have an actual orgasm which I told her but she kept insisting that there was no need. And she tried giving reasons why she was in the right for throwing it away. Her logic behind it was that she felt uncomfortable with it. I found it weird since we used it together when she visited me. I told her if that was the case she should just have told me how she felt and we could have figured it out but since she basically just took it and threw it away without even thinking about talking to me about it. I told her that she disrespected me and that she thought it was okay to just throw away my stuff without even asking me. The thing that made me most upset was that she didn’t show any signs of regret. She didn’t even say sorry At that point, I told her to pack her things and leave.
Because I realized that what more will she do if she did this thing? She broke my trust and my respect I couldn’t get past that so I broke up with her. But im not gonna be sad or stuff honestly this might be toxic of me but the night she left I went online and ordered a new toy. I went a bit different this time and I got this [one](https://wetandwild.us/products/powerful-7-speed-big-rabbit-dildo) and that made me feel better knowing it’s on the way. She has tried to call me and text me saying she’s sorry and everything but I know myself and I cannot forgive it. She didn’t want to express her emotions so she just decided to change stuff and throw it away. That’s not someone I can trust. But im also overthinking maybe I was too hard on her?
34 comments
I think her behavior was encroaching and absolutely not okay. If she doesn’t even cared to apologize your reaction sounds reasonable to me.
Whoa. Red flags! None of our partners has the right to the whole of our anything. You have every right to your sexuality yourself. If you like to masturbate with a toy (setting aside that you were always sharing that with her!), you have every right to that space. That she thought that A) you didn’t and B) she could forcefully take it away… whoa boy.
If you want to cut things off, I can understand. If you want to start again several steps down the ladder from “moving in together,” that’s your call. I don’t think you were too harsh at all. Now where you go…. up to you.
Happy toying!
Maybe you were hard, but deservedly so. Once trust is broken, it can be impossible to repair. This wasn’t a simple “I dont like that thing so I threw it away”, this went much deeper into insecurities, and her feelings trumping your needs.
It sounds like you made the right choice for you, and that’s awesome! That level of disrespect with no remorse should not be rewarded with continued devotion. She showed you what she will do in the future. Good for you!
🚩🚩🚩
No, you made the right call. Making executive decisions for your sex life and not showing remorse for it just demonstrates that she’ll do this whenever she disagrees with you or feels threatened.
I don’t know you but I’m so proud of you. You did the right thing? She still doesn’t see why the attempted restriction is wrong and didn’t apologize until she lost you. Fuck that. She wants to control you and doesn’t respect you. There was no way it was going to work. Really good for you. Too many times people forgive just to see the same issues manifest itself in different ways.
Now go make yourself cum.
Na you did the right thing because it’s not about the toy it’s about trust and it’s about how she couldn’t say sorry. If she had been sorry it could have been workable but basically you had to break up with her for her to have remorse. Fuck that!
Surprisingly refreshing post.
So used to reading users accepting terrible partners and not doing anything about it that this was a great read. She disrespected you and you decided not to waste more time on that person.
Good for you!
It’s your boundaries and stuff boy or girl don’t care you respect the other person. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and boundaries. Sad you broke up.
I’m so happy for you! You did the absolutely best thing in this position. A partners pleasure is not something an SO should throw away.
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And NO you are not to hard on her.
You were not too hard on her. Good for you breaking it off. And hope that new toy rocks your socks!
You’re doing the right thing for you and that’s great. You were NOT too hard on her at all. She tried enforcing her will and expectations onto you. Remember you don’t have to forgive her, just don’t hold onto any anger and put her behind you and out of your life. Your ex disrespected you and is only now attempting to make a poor excuse of an apology as she realises you weren’t going to take her BS laying down meaning she had the consequences of her own actions to accept.
Life is too short to spend it with those that manipulate you and don’t accept you for who you are, including what you use on yourself. You’ll find someone that’ll respect you for you and who will appreciate you without trying to control any aspect of you. Keep waking forward and leave this chapter in the past where it belongs.
Good for you! It is always the wise choice to end things once you start seeing those warning signs emerge–too many people continue on with false hope that things will get better or be different as time goes on.
I am glad that you handled it so decisively. It was a terrible situation but at least you discovered how she was just after she moved in.
It sounds like a stereotype but many times they are based in reality:
>What do lesbians bring on a second date?” A U-haul.
The absence of remorse for throwing out your stuff/interfering with your body autonomy is the specific reason to not take her back. It sounds like you went out of your way to explain what was wrong and how you felt about it, and she dismissed your concerns.
It took you breaking things off with her before she gave any indicator that she was wrong, that she was sorry, or that your opinion mattered.
Good for you, there’s no reason at all to be sad nor is it toxic to buy a new toy. You did what was for the best for both people and now you can go forward and find someone you’re more compatible with.
You were maybe a little bit harsh but I also don’t think you were wrong in your decision. Pretty big red flag, so maybe you’re better off without her.
I think you did the right thing here, I’m just sorry you had to do this.
I’m proud of you! That type of gaslighting will only continue and get worse.
She (ex girlfriend) literally just threw away three years just because she couldn’t properly communicate her feelings and had the audacity to not take accountability. Mad embarrassing
I agree it was the right choice. By her logic she’s also not allowed any toys when she lives with someone. Enjoy your toy and find someone who likes to play toys together!
Definitely weren’t to hard on her. Forget about throwing it out. The fact that she felt entitled to police how you touch your own body is already a bright sparkly red flag.
Honestly. Imo not you weren’t to hard on her. That’s a early red flag and you had two choices.
Personally if someone threw all my toys away just because were in a relationship now I’d instantly leave
Good on you OP!!!
No you weren’t too hard on her, you were very reasonable and protecting your boundaries and your peace.
I’m actually (weirdly) happy for you that she showed you her true colors right after moving in, it probably would have been more difficult if she showed it later on.
Good for you! I read your first post, and all the comments and in my opinion you made the right choice. Good for you fr fr
She was not starting out right by disrespecting your things. Who knows what else she might do without your knowledge or consent. You did the right thing. You deserve better. I’m sorry for the breakup. I can understand if you’re upset over having to end it. Be strong.
I think you did the right thing. I would have thought the same. I’m moving in with my boyfriend next year and if he threw something of mine out on purpose without even asking me, knowing that it is valuable in some way, I would be furious. The lack of remorse would be the cherry on top. I love seeing people not settling for disrespect in a relationship!
I, too, cannot orgasm without clitoral stimulation. If my boyfriend had thrown my vibrator out, I would’ve been livid.
Get your G on, girl!
You did the right thing.
Sadly it doesn’t seem Iike she learned anything. That too is a red flag. Total narcissist.
This is a great post and no you shouldn’t let her back into your life if she’s unable to grasp the concept of her basically stealing your items and violating your privacy for her own self-insecurity.
It’s your call if you let her back into your life but if she doesn’t change or hasn’t changed then it’s not worth it in my eyes. I’d just call it quits here.
You’re doing great OP!
You gave her chances to apologize and make right, she didnt….. consider this the lucky break! Now you are free to toy away, girl, order you a whole toybox full of goodies!!! have fun! there is someone who will enhance the toy use with you!
This post is a great argument for me for how strongly this subreddit votes for ending relationships. I’m no better, I’ve ended relationships for less valid reasons. But I can’t be the only one having alarm bells ringing in their head to the trend where a whole community advocates over and over to ending a relationship at the first red flag. It’s never going to be flag free.
In this case: was it a shit move? Yes. Was it a reason to fight about? Yes. Was it a reason a break up a 3 year relationship? Hell no!
Yep, I’m gonna take a break from this sub’s influence for a while.
Good for you. I read your original post but didn’t have time to reply. If she’d quickly apologized and shown she understood she made an error, you could have salvaged this. But her inability to see the serious wrong she committed was a clear sign that she wasn’t going to be a good partner. You did the right thing.