How did you heal from a past abusive relationship, to where you were able to enter a healthy one after?

11 comments

1. Therapy, time, and separation. I had to be content on my own and work on myself a lot before I was ready to move on.

2. So my ex was and still is a waste of space. Even after I left him I was terrified of the repercussions. How I actually got past all of that wasn’t your typical path. To be blunt, my husband excels at violence and he beat the piss out of my ex and his friend who showed up to our house to “talk.” After the name calling and threats, my husband, boyfriend at the time, calmly walked outside and flipped the switch from calm to calamity in the blink of an eye. I had never seen anything to visceral in my life.

   So my healing came from the realization that I’m safe from him. Once I let that fear go I honestly felt like I came up for air after being underwater for too long. I wish I could say I did it on my own and I triumphed over my abuser, but I needed to feel safe and once that happened I truly did feel safe. The texts from random numbers stopped, the DMs from fake accounts stopped, and it got to the point where I felt comfortable going places that I used to go again.

   I’ll never forgive my ex who consistently went out of his way to make my life harder than it had to be, but now that I know I have this wild card in my back pocket, let him try.

3. I stayed single and didn’t date for two years. During that time I focused on myself by building my career, trying new hobbies, and developing strong friend circles.

   I dated again at the start of last year and didn’t meet my SO until May of that same year. Glad to say that’s it’s a healthy relationship.

4. Therapy and learning to be by myself and love myself.

5. I was angry for a very long time and also did not realize what happened to me wasn’t normal like when he stealthed me. Only thing that really worked was finding a good guy that is understanding as fuck after being single for a year and being more picky. Set the bar high. As fuck. I was at a point where the sight of flowers made me break down. Had to overcome being afraid to say what was bothering me when it was bothering me, date a good communicator

6. Therapy.

   I hated him for a long time and sometimes I still feel angry about things I missed out on. But now I hope he’s doing better, he was in therapy when I left. I knew deep down he had a lot of childhood trauma that was never addressed and came out in unhealthy ways, I just happened to be on the receiving end. I truly hope that he’s healed and can be the partner he wants to be, for the next person.

   Knowing I never would have met my current boyfriend when I did, if I hadn’t left when I did, helps a lot. I’m not one of those “everything happens for a reason” people, and I don’t believe a lot of good came from that relationship. But I learned a lot about myself and set my standards much higher for the next one. It led to my my own therapy after, do a lot of introspection & reading so I never went back to something like that, or became that way.

   I still have him blocked on everything and probably always will. I think the imagery just literally letting him go and hoping he’s able to make the changes he needs, is how I’ll always see it.

7. My ex was verbally and mentally abusive.

   I had ended up making taking care of him my main goal. Afterwards I made myself a priority. Got back into my hobbies (reading, hiking, cooking), and made local friends using Bumble BFF. I made it my goal to do the things I wouldn’t have been allowed to do – wear shorts outside, go to concerts, go to cities!

   I discovered myself again and felt happy on my own.

   I also went on a bunch of dates and figured out what I wanted in someone! Learned how to say no or let go of people instead of forming myself to their wants and needs.

8. Boundaries. A very strict no no list.
   We’re supposed to learn from our mistakes right? So I refuse to repeat them

9. Time. Self help. Understanding and realizations.

   And I know that this is going to sound like it goes against the point but remembering the abuse that happened to you and fully processing it. What I mean by understanding and realizations is that you need to begin to understand that most of the abuse that happened to you was not your fault.

10. Time, working on diverse friendships and putting myself out there to build trust with myself.

11. Time and therapy’s coming (so still a WIP).