My boyfriend and I have good hot sex, but even though I feel somewhat satisfied, I don’t ever actually cum.
I didn’t fake it when we first started having sex but after a while I could see he was getting pretty down on himself and frustrated that he couldn’t do it, so I decided it was still good sex so I’ll throw him a bone now and then and tell him I came. Not every time tho. A lot of times I’ll just finish myself off with my toy once we’re done.
I know many women can’t cum from piv and that’s probably me too, and it wouldn’t be a problem if he could make me cum with oral or anything else. He tries and it feels good, but I can never quite get there. I’ve had one partner who made me cum from oral every single time (and he also gave me my first orgasm ever).
I’m not sure if it’s a deal breaker for me but I can’t help but worry that if I choose to marry someone who can’t make me cum then I’ll always be wanting something more than he can give me.
So, let’s say everything else about the person and the relationship is “perfect”, would you feel comfortable spending your whole life with someone who can’t make you cum?
21 comments
So. My question is are you coaching him on how to get you off or letting him go at it alone? If he is being coached and just not listening, that’s an issue. If you are not coaching him on how to get you off. Try that, it works wonders.
As a man every lady is completely different and how they orgasm changes over their life, so open communication is the best way to ensure the lady is being taken care of.
Oh and quit the faking. It makes him think he’s on the right track.
Myself- no. But if I really fancy a guy it’s pretty easy for him to make me come with my instructions. It would only be an issue if I wasn’t turned on.
Probably no … but then again I wouldn’t marry someone who had been lying to me …
No that sounds like a miserable marriage
Absolutely not
One thing that I’ve never seen fail is adding toys when I am licking/sucking the clit. If by some miracle I can’t get her to come with a vibrator in her pussy(super rare) out comes the vibrating butt plug as reinforcements. I’m sure there is things you two have yet to try. Don’t give up yet!
ABSOLUTELY NO.
Absolutely not.
Get him to use the toys on you?
NOP
I don’t want to sound aggressive or anything but it seems more like a you problem and not his.
By that, I mean that, rather than trying to talk it over with him again and finding ways to get you to orgasm, you took it easy by pretending.
I suggest taking the advice from the other answers (especially the one talking about a teaching night) and trying again. Nothing bad can come of it!
Again, sorry if that sounded a bit aggressive, but I felt this post that way
I don’t think he can’t make you come, I think you’ve given up on it. If you want to stay with him and you want orgasms you just have to go on communicating with him. It helps if you know your body and what you need to come but you still have to put in the work.
Absolutely not but you haven’t done yourself any favors by faking and he would have a right to be upset about it. Instead of him getting better through trial and error until success you’ve given him false positives so either he thinks the wrong thing works or he just has no clue because there’s no consistency.
He may have been unable to finish you so far but you can coach him to manage you if you’re consistent. The only exception is if he’s selfish or lazy, you can teach technique, but you can’t make someone care.
Perhaps finding some reading material or videos for him may help as well as you teaching him, have some sessions that are just about you as well. When guiding be as direct as possible and don’t let him keep doing something wrong just to protect his feelings.
Never fake it. You’re cheating yourself for someone else’s ego. It probably will never change and are you really going to want to never orgasm? I don’t from piv either. That’s no big deal but I do in other ways. My sex life is faaaar from good and I thought we could work to improve it. Big mistake.
This is something you both need to communicate about outside the bedroom. I think you could benefit from trying some radical honesty and tell him everything you have posted about here, including the faking.
At the same time, I hear that you are worried about his feelings in which case you can use this situation as a learning/exploring opportunity. There are books out there like she comes first, or come as you are, etc. There are online resources for communication such as:
https://thenewageparents.com/four-steps-to-better-sexual-communication/
Also, something that benefited me immensely was doing premarital counselling to strengthen the overall relationship prior to marriage. Some people think ‘if I’m going to get married to the person I love we shouldn’t need counselling’, however, even couples with zero significant issues still have room to strengthen their relationship and also improve themselves as individuals.
190% yes but only if they’re okay with me getting that from someone else.
No but you also should also consider how he’d feel about someone that’s been lying to him about their sex life and faking it. Recipe for disaster further down the road.
You deserve to be with someone who satisfies you and he deserves to be with someone who’s honest with him.
Hmm. So you had 1 boyfriend that could make you cum from oral reliably, and he gave you your first. So can you make yourself cum reliably?
What I’m getting at is if you don’t know how to do it, it may not be fair to put that on someone else.
For me, no I wouldn’t, and I wouldn’t typically recommend it. But your case may be an outlier. Where it’s worth developing together, because maybe it’s a him problem, or maybe not. It seems he’s trying. But what happens? Tongue gets tired? You give up?
Not again
No
You said you finish yourself off with your toy once you’re done— any reason why this toy can’t be incorporated into partnered sex? Maybe he could use it on you.