I am a 26F and my BF (28M) of 2 years is the man of my dreams. He excites me in every way and my heart dropped the first time I met him. We clicked right away and our chemistry is undeniable. He is charming, kind and honest. He is incredibly handsome, tall and fit. To this day – he still gives me butterflies.
So what’s the catch right? His one and only downfall is that he is very insecure about the size of his penis. For me, I don’t care at all. So is it smaller than normal? Yes it is. However, I love our sex and I love being with him. He is such a giving lover and he makes me orgasm every time.
From his end, he always asks if he is big enough and whether I think he is small. He would ask me about the sizes of my past lovers. I am a believer of strong communication and honesty. At first, I told him it didn’t matter to me at all, but he kept insisting so I finally admitted to him that my ex boyfriend before him was huge. In fact too big for me. The honest truth was that he was actually a very selfish lover that rarely made me cum and I don’t miss the sex at all. His ego was even bigger than his dick and I left him to be with my current man. I’ve told him all this but my bf can’t get over the fact that he was much bigger. He wanted to hear all the details, down to the inches, length and girth. Ever since that conversation, he can’t seem to let go.
My question is: how do I convince my bf that he is more than enough for me and that he is so much more than his penis size? I am already enthusiastic in bed and want to be with him every night! I already tell him how amazing of a lover he is…He just won’t accept it. Please help.
16 comments
Don’t ‘tell’ him he is an amazing lover in bed, show him! I don’t know what all kinks you guys are into but for example, if he made you cum hard that’s when you tell him how amazing it was with moaning and everything. Do things in bed which you didn’t do with your previous partners. For example, rimjobs. This will show him there is more to this than dick size and he is the only partner you did this with!
While your dirty taking keep telling him more how hard he feels and how good it is and how his cock is perfect and you feel so full with him inside you, how you fit together perfectly like puzzle pieces. Stuff like that, I think if you say it while he’s in you it may reinforce the message!
Did you ever admit that it is smaller?
I think him knowing he is smaller and you admitting it, has made him very insecure that whatever you say to him in bed he takes it as pity. This is a tough one for him to get over cuz in his mind your ex was huge and he isn’t and that’s the issue he needs to get over with on his own.
I’m average and I know my fiancé has been with some big dicks. But I can make her cum and I last longer than 30 seconds. She says the guys with big dicks think that’s all they need and don’t know how to fuck. My dick gets the job done and that’s all I need. I think about it from time to time but she wants my dick almost every day so I don’t dwell on it. I’ve also had several previous partners say they enjoy my dick. It takes a bit to sink in.
Deff acknowledge his giving attributes, it really goes a longgg way. A ton of women get off with clit stimulation and penis size really doesn’t matter then. The best sex is the most passionate with the one you love, hopefully he sees that soon.
Risky strategy:
I know this may sound counter-intuitive and you should talk to him before doing this.
Get a big honking dildo! Use it in front of him and then after you successfully pleasures yourself with it, tell him it’s his turn and let him make you cum with his dick.
Show him that is all subjective, that every tool has it’s use and that your going to use his tool to its greatest potential.
I think the easiest strategy is making sure he knows how women’s sexual parts work. More specifically the clitoris and labia works. The clit, labia nipples, and several other parts of a woman’s body flood with blood when aroused. SO even if he is smaller if he excites you more and he hits a good angle you can feel him even more. I like an occassional quickie but real shit I usually hate fucking without making her orgasm first for this reason. I need to know the sensitivity is turned all the way up.
All men will struggle with this to some degree at some point. I’m a married man with a well above average endowment and I’ve struggled with it despite not having partners who “had larger”. I only say this to give you insight into the male mind. So take a peak:
I think some of the advice here is misguided. Telling him he’s a perfect puzzle piece and the right fit for you etc only accentuates the fact that he isn’t big to you and you’ve had bigger. At least right now while he’s insecure. Those things may be true, but that’s where his mind is going to go. Men don’t really care about being a perfect fit, we naturally want to “win” the competition, and in a case of small penis there is literally no way to “win”. You can think this is juvenile and we can discuss that to lengths and maybe even agree on that, but I’m trying to give you real world advice here.
As weird as it sounds, the only real things you can do on your end would be to build him up. It sounds like you’re already enthusiastic so keep doing that. He’s not an idiot, he knows he’s below average, so don’t lie and say things like “your huge cock!” Or whatever. It’s a really fine line to traverse because if you compliment him on HIS size “wow you feel big right now, are you really turned on?” Etc he will probably think due to his insecurity “she knows what big feels like and normally I feel smaller so she must feel better when it’s bigger if she’s commenting on it now” – but on the other hand you don’t want to make him feel small either. And saying and doing nothing seems like sweeping it under the rug and ignoring the elephant in the room. So what do you do?
1) Use desire as a tool. More than anything men want to be desired. Do exactly the things that make him feel you desire him; both in and out of the bedroom. Wear the lingerie he likes, dress up in outfits he wants, plan dates and nights and take him out, whatever that looks like for you and for him to feel that you desire him with a fire, that no one could mistake that you don’t desire him. Putting in that effort (maybe you already do) really makes a big difference in a man’s confidence. If he feels desired enough, eventually he’ll start having thoughts like “it doesn’t even matter that my dick is small, I’m so good she wants me this much” etc.
2) Verbal: use general phrases during sex. At least for now. Stuff like “you feel so good”, don’t call any attention to his size. Depending on how sensitive he is, if he’s hypersensitive right now, don’t even say words like cock or dick etc. “fuck I love your body” “you feel sooo good” etc.
3) Have him read a book called “The new male sexuality”. It’s a stupid title but it has good information. It might help him come to terms with himself and being more comfortable in his own skin.
4) This one might sound weird, but if you’re both up for it, expose him to other naked men. Not sexually (unless you’re into that) but go to like a Korean spa or a nude beach or something. He’ll see right away that he isn’t abnormal, in fact he’ll probably look like 90% of the guys there and it’s us weirdos with bigger packages who are embarrassed and covering up. It will also help seeing other men who are small but confident walking around and owning their bodies.
5) does he have any female friends he’s close enough to, to get their perspectives on an issue like this? I’ve found that aside from a few outliers, most women seem so uninterested in penis size that they don’t even remember what size their partners even roughly were other than extremes (like huge or tiny) and anything in between that is basically considered “the same”. For men we think “oh man my dick is small at 4 inches, but if I had a 6 or 7 inch dick everything would be so great!” And in my experience women seem to think like 2-3 inches is noticeably small, anything 4-8 is “about the same” and 8+ is “huge”. If he hears how women view this stuff and how their scale is massively skewed compared to the way men view it, he might feel a little better. Lots of men think half an inch is some huge feat while most women I’ve spoken to have no idea between 5 inches and 8. It’s something I’m still wrapping my head around.
6) last but not least, calm words of reassurance when he’s feeling down about it. Be positive, and don’t ever hesitate to reassure him. Sometimes this is (ridiculously) one of the only issues men get so butthurt about that we actually get vulnerable and let it out, so sometimes what he needs is to just feel validated and cared for.
Hope this helps. It won’t cure it and nothing will. But it will help and he will get to a place where he’s happy with himself. There is a lot more work he can do on his end but this is a good starting point for you and him together.
This might sound weird. But, Fall in love with his penis. Treat his dick like a separate being. Talk to it. Make out with it. Spend time with it. When you go to bed at night. Hold onto it and fall asleep with it in your hand. When you give him oral. Rub it all over your face and ignore him. Make him jealous of his own dick.
Buy one of those clone-a-willy kits and gift it to him. Even if he doesn’t use it he’ll be flattered that you want a dildo of his dick.
I think your doing fine. Just keep telling him and showing him how much you love his body.
My bf is smaller than average and I love our sex life. It’s amazing and I’m always satisfied.
I try to show it by pleasing him with blowjobs and fulfilling some of his fantasies
May i ask what size is he? May be its in his head
When you’re not having sex, but just at random times, mention something he did that turned you on – “when you did that it felt amazing and I keep thinking about it”. When your out touch his dick through his clothes and tell him you can’t wait to get home
I respect you for telling him! He needs the truth… He still hasn’t come to terms with him being little. It’s gonna be hard for both of you and no matter all the love you tell him, deep down he’s thinking about your exs bigger dick inside of you(pussy/mouth) Men are very territorial and prideful! He’s definitely hurt and the best thing you can do is just be there for him. Make him feel like your obsessed with him. Be his little baby, make him feel special, make him see your vulnerable and that your insecure about things too.
One exclusive advise I’ll give you that’ll make him forget about it all; Find one of your girl friends you trust and let him have you both. Let your friend suck his dick while you make out him. Make sure your eye to eye every moment and show him with your eyes that you love him. Be all in face while he’s getting sucked up; caress him and when he’s about to cum push your friend out the way(friends que to leave) and ride him till he cums all inside of you. Make sure your pussy is wet for him before getting on top! And when he’s done just let his dick stay inside and you just sit on top hugging him. And if that don’t work idk what to tell ya
Two things:
1-Every once in a while say ”ouch!” Reassure him you’re ok and it’s just that he’s so deep in then keep fucking
2-as he first enters you say “slowly!” Then let out a gratifying sigh as he enters… like it’s just the relief you’d been needing for your aching pussy.
He’ll never complain again