I (33f) met this guy on tinder, (29m) he said he was single never been married and didn’t have kids. The conversation was nice, intellectual and fun. We finally met in person after a couple weeks of texting back and forth. We hit it off immediately. He was kind, sensual and just all around wonderful. Fast forward later that week, We slept together and afterwards he told me he loved me. I had the same feelings, but felt so crazy for having them bc it hadn’t been very long that we’d known each other. I knew my feelings for him were real. The way he made me feel about myself, the way he’d speak to me and touch me, kiss me. It was with such passion, authenticity. We saw each other several times that week after he got off work. He came to spend the weekend with me and left at midnight on Saturday saying his grandma wasn’t feeling well. To me something was off, just didn’t feel right. When your family member is ill there’s an urgency to get to them. He didn’t have that at all. The next day I had t heard from him at all, I texted, called and nothing. I went to google with his name and found out he was married. I was so hurt and angry. I never wanted to be that woman. He had finally texted me but I didn’t let on that I knew about his marriage and children at all, I wanted to actually speak on the phone or in person instead of text. I felt like he should explain himself and why he lied lead me on to believe he wanted a future with me. But he wouldn’t call, still using his grandma as an excuse. I went to bed early, woke up with a text from his phone but from his wife, saying she found out and went through his phone and he admitted to everything and said I didn’t know about her so she didn’t blame me, but to not contact him anymore. I called him at his job, I needed to say what was on my mind, needed him to know how he hurt me. I asked if anything he said to me was true or was it all just bullshit, he said it was bullshit. It sucks bc for me it wasn’t bullshit. Idk how to move past this, how to get him out of my thoughts, I fell in love with this man and now he gone. I know it’s wrong to still want him now knowing he is married but I love him. Just need advice on how to move on and get him out of my mind and heart. Sorry this is so long.
Tl;DR! Fell in love with someone who I later found out was married..
6 comments
If you fell in love with someone lying about being married and even worse lying about his kids, you fell in love with a character not a real person.
Remember that, any time you think of how he was with you…it was all an act, a lie. He’s not even a loving enough person not to lie about his own kids, what you saw of this person was all fabricated. Not genuine.
I suspect that was him messaging you pretending to be his wife so you won’t think to contact her.
How did you not notice the indentation of the ring on his finger?
Remember the person you fall for is NOT real.
The real person is a liar with a wife and family of his own.
You need to let him go.
My friend got scammed twice on Tinder with married men when she was still single and looking. So she let their wives know, but of course, the wives just blocked her. What this guy is doing is not that uncommon.
It will just take time and distractions. Going back on tinder and doing fun things with your friends to get your mind off of him. In the end you hardly knew him and his wife who he is actually supposedly committed to is the one being fucked over. You’re lucky, you get to dodge the bullet.
The guy you fell for is a fantasy. Just mourn him as if he died or was shot to the moon.
If you have his info, let his wife know to help kick him in the balls and his poor wife can take him for all he’s got in divorce court.