Me (f21) and my boyfriend (m22) have been dating for 4 years. I live in the uk, he lives in Canada, he has been flying here about every 6 months for 3 years. Everything has been good and in the last year we have had a lot more healthy relationship than we did. We have always been sexual people, we talk about sex a lot when we have to be online, and have a pretty good sex life in person too. The last trip we had a few months ago something felt different for me. I felt less like having sex with him and or kissing him, it caused some arguments between us. We have another trip coming up in two months and the past few weeks I have been thinking about it a lot. I have no interest to talk about what kind of sex things we are going to do this time, no urge to have sex with him or even kiss him. it’s really bothering me because I can’t understand why. I’m still sexually attracted to him, I still love him and see a future with him but I’m just not interested in any of that stuff. We spoke about it yesterday and he thinks it will be better by the time he is here but I don’t see it getting better. I don’t want it to upset him once he is here and I still don’t want to do any of them things with him and I don’t want it to cause any arguments between us. I have anxiety and depression so I’m not sure if that has anything to do with it. I wish I could just force myself to do it but I don’t think that will work as I’m not in to it at all. Any advice?
2 comments
Any big lifestyle changes? Changes in diet, exercise, medication? Weight loss or gain? Are you sleeping enough? Anxiety and depression can definitely have an effect.
Also I know you didn’t ask this and maybe it isn’t my business, but if he’s always flying to see you maybe it would be nice for you to fly to see him, seems one sided. If you do go to him disregard this, just didn’t see you say anything about going to him.
A LOT of things can cause a loss of libido. How good or bad you feel about any aspect of your relationship can sneak into your sex drive status. Anxiety and depression can 100% drop libido or make it more flippant. Lifestyle changes can also affect it. And then of course, your sex life itself can affect your drive. The way your previous sexual experiences have gone/felt and how you perceive future ones may go/feel can majorly influence if you’re interested in more, so pay close attention to your emotions. If sex isn’t doing for you what it ultimately needs to, your drive may waver. And if you know for sure something medical is directly affecting your hormones, you can look at that as well. Do any of these topics resonate with you?