Yesterday I went to a pinball arcade bar to try to find people to maybe befriend or maybe have romantic interest /interaction with.
I went to “Add a ball” in Fremont, Seattle. And it felt strange and alien to me. Everyone was in groups and their body language suggested a closed clique not a “come approach me” open body language.
open body language example: two girls sitting side by side with each other while chatting but their seating is facing outwards towards the rest.
Closed body language example: the girls are only facing each other sitting in a corner or booth. They’re turned so they’re facing away from everything else.
Anyways, it appears most people were in these closed groups. Everyone was in groups, that’s to be expected. But very few were in an open position. I did find a few though.
Of the folks in an open position, I have approached the girls I found attractive that didn’t appear to be “with” anyone that night (like a group of girls, or a mixed group but few guys). I approached about 3 girls that night, and they were all apparently taken (or at least that’s what they said) and I told them each “well, have a good night” as soon as they said so.
Of the guys I found interesting (for friendship) I approached a few and started chatting like I already knew them (not literally, I still introduced myself), exhibiting some playful banter and interest in what they do / are interested in.
one example: 2 guys, 1 girl in a group, and I played the “let me guess your age” banter. I guessed one guy’s age wrongly (he looked older than he is), and then he directed the question to his friend. His friend had a baby face, and looked really young to me, so I playfully bantered “I don’t know, he looks like a baby are you sure his parents know you took him? Is this your 12th birthday celebration? ” (He was actually 22 but I wanted to be coy and playful).
Anyways those 3, seemed to want to be alone after I chatted with them briefly. Well, the baby face guy and the girl did. The other guy seemed to be open to new people. But I didn’t want to disturb the two and I guess if he was the 3rd wheel. I didn’t want to be a trailer to haul as well. So I left them alone.
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Anyways I’m rambling. My main problem here is throughout that night I didn’t find many people who were open to meeting others. It just felt like I’m in a big group of people but so alone at the same time. I was frustrated as I wasn’t finding any opportunities to meet others.
Was going to a bar just a bad way to meet new people? Is the problem my choice of venue? Do people go to bars to meet new people or was I mistaken? Otherwise where do people specifically congregate to meet others? (Please don’t suggest a nightclub I don’t have any inclination of going to one). I know organized meetups exist, and organized things like classes and whatnot. But where can I meet people serendipitously and spontaneously where people are open to others talking to them?
2 comments
I would make a couple of suggestions. First is to pick up a book called Dating Essentials for Men by Dr. Robert Glover. It is a very sensible book about dating and tackling self limiting beliefs and is not written from any sort of pick up artist perspective.
Second, I have to say an arcade might be a challenging environment exactly for the reason you mentioned. People usually go there in groups to enjoy as a group. It’s not that people are not open to meeting others but I think if there were single girls there, they would probably head to a trendy night club where they can meet hot guys.
If you are trying to socialize and become more comfortable, I would suggest that you start finding spots in your city where you can spend some time lingering and getting to know people. Coffee shops and bars make a great environment for that. You can grab your laptop and head over to a coffee shop. Sit down, do some work. Get to know the baristas. Talk to them. Ask them for suggestions on local restaurants, bars, etc. Start frequenting a few places and becoming the guy that knows everybody. Don’t have an agenda when chatting and socializing. Don’t try to become their friend, don’t try to hit on women. Just banter, have small talk. Get to know them without expectations, just because you enjoy interacting with people.
You can do the same thing in bars. Go out with a laptop, get a couple of drinks, get to know the bartenders. Chat with other people who are sitting at the bar. Eventually, you will start feeling more comfortable in social situations and women will notice that you are the guy that seems to own the place. They will take notice and start sending you signals.
It’s all in the book really.
A. It’s better to approach women just like you would a guy. If you immediately initiate with romantic intentions, it comes down to “do I find this person attractive or not?” You’ll have more luck being light and not impose romantic expectations that soon.
B. Probably not a great idea to insult someone that you just met lol.