I met a guy on Hinge. He told me he was new to the country but didn’t specify that he was only on a 6 month visa. I only learned that on our first date. The date was awesome – we connected so naturally. Unfortunately, at the end of the night he got really pushy about sex. I ended up feeling like that’s all it was about & told him I didn’t want to see him again. He seemed super confused by it & insisted he was ok with getting to know me without sex & wanted something serious. I didn’t believe him, especially given his limited visa.
About a month went by & he reached out again. He said he was still confused & wanted to talk about what went wrong. He explained that he was very attracted to me & wanted sex that night but didn’t mean for me to feel that it’s all he wanted. He wanted to see me, even without sex. I felt he was being genuine so I agreed to give it another shot. We went out a few more time & had an absolute blast. Each time, we went for drinks.
He has told me from the start that he’s here to work, and works every day 12-3 and 6-12 as an Uber driver. So each time we met, he had to stop working early.
I finally felt ready so I invited him over. He spent the night, and after we maintained daily regular texting. He then asked if we could possibly see each other during his 3-6 break hours “so we can see each other more than once a week”. I work from home & said I thought I could make it work.
I realized he meant that the 3-6 meetings would likely be at my house, & so far it’s been only 1x a week. I wanted to see him, but it also kind of felt like a hookup situation. At the same time, I believe he really does work as much as he says…so I’m kind of at a loss of what to do.
Last week & this week, he came over for 2 hours, we ate/talked, had sex & he left. He is very affectioniate in person & in communication all day, but it looks like this is all it will be. It’s been 3 weeks since we started talking again. There’s been no further mention of where this is going, or his intentions. Would it be appropriate for me to bring it up, or is it too soon? And how do I bring it up?
I know he’s on a limited visa – but relationships have developed in these situations before. If he’s open to that, it’s one thing. If he’s just using me as convenient sex…I’m not sure I want that although I enjoy the sex too. Any advice on if and how to discuss this?
2 comments
It seems to me that he’s just in it for the convenient sex. If you want more than that, it’s in your best interest to communicate that in clear language, e.g. “you can either date me or leave me” or “I’m only going to see if you if bring me on real dates.” If doesn’t respond positively, then move on and stop wasting your precious time.
He didn’t tell you about visa.
Still met up with you and pressured you for sex.
Then circled back a month later and lied to you about wanting serious because he couldn’t find anyone else.
You agreed and had sex with him, now he uses you as a free scheduled prostitute.