I’m a late bloomer, 20F, haven’t been in a relationship so far besides some text only flirtation-ships in high school. Lately I’ve been getting guys messaging me or reaching out to me and showing interest but I just can’t take it seriously. My brain automatically jumps to why are they messaging me, what do they have planned etc.
I was talking for a little bit earlier this year with a guy from Australia and he ghosted me. I never pushed it or asked why, I just deleted him from my phone and moved on. Fast forward to recently & another guy reaches out to me on the same social media platform and as I’m chatting with him, I find out he’s also from the same city in Australia.
Now I’m freaked out, I’m thinking do they know each other? Did he send him? Is this a prank? I know this isn’t a healthy way of thinking, and I’ve checked that they’re both not following each other and it is a large city but the coincidence is too much. I’m also from USA so the fact they’re both Australian is just odd to me because that’s so random. Even locally, I’m always thinking that a guy’s running a prank or is in on something when I do get approached.
This guy has actually verbalized that he thinks I’m attractive/wants to get to know me etc & is keeping the conversation going even when I’m not really responding. I think he’s cute but I just can’t help but thinking there’s another reasoning behind him texting me.
I’m fully aware I’m self sabotaging and I just wanted to know is this normal? Is it healthy to be wary of everyone who shows an interest in you. If it’s not, what do you advise ?
TL;DR
I need advice to stop thinking the worst of people who approach me with interest.
2 comments
I think that’s okay to be cautious and I think that it’s healthy that you’re aware of what’s happening in your mind. My guess is that there might be 2 reasons that needs to be addressed here. 1. You might have a lower view of yourself where you don’t really trust people to be interested in you unless there’s an underlying reason or that it’s even possible. 2. You might have lost trust in people either because of your personal experiences with guys or because of what you’ve heard or observed in others. I can’t be 100% sure but if you end up reflecting and agreeing then once you address those things and find ways to heal from it then you’ll be able to move on slowly. But again certain levels of being cautious is normal, just be sure not to let yourself reach the point where you end up disconnecting from others because of it.
It’s important to look out for yourself, but it sounds like you’re taking this too far, to the point where it’s preventing you from having a normal life. My advice is to seek therapy to work out where these trust issues are coming from.