tl;dr: My bf of 4 years started talking to 16 yo girls on the internet and they convinced him to break up with me
Me(24F) and my bf(25M) have been together for almost 4 years now.
He’s a big fan of an online game which has caused some trouble in our relationship before because he would rather play this game instead of helping me with the chores.
A few months ago he started talking to this boy (15 or 16M), they got known each other in the game and they played together a lot. They even met in person and once I also met him and he seems like a normal, nice kid but I told my bf that it was kinda weird that he meets kids from the internet and that if I was his mother, I’d be creeped out from the fact that my kid meets adult strangers from the internet. He said I was overreacting.
Then a few weeks ago this kid introduced 2 girls to my bf who also play this game. Both of them are 16 years old and I think they’re the boy’s classmates or something. I noticed that my bf talk a lot to them and again I said that it was kinda odd that he spends most of his time playing and talking to them. He said they were just playing together and it was fun and that’s all.
In the meantime I somewhat moved away because we were planning with my bf to move into an apartment in the city we both work in and it’s way easier for me to go to work from the new apartment. Our furnitures and other things are still in the old apartment and since we payed for this month and his PC is also still there, my bf decided to stay there with our cat. So I basically live alone in the new apartment currently but I come home 2-3 times a week to wash our clothes, or to clean a bit in the apartment.
Yesterday I came home into the old apartment after work and my bf told me he wants to talk to me. He said he’s considering breaking up with me because he was talking about our relationship issues and also (the lack of) our sex life to those 16 years old girls and they basically convinced him to leave me. He also said he realized that it was better while I wasn’t here because he says I always fight him about everything and now that I wasn’t here, I couldn’t argue him.
My jaw dropped. I asked him why the fuck he told 16 years old kids about these things and he said because they’re his friends and they understand him. And then he said he also told them about the fact that I don’t like receiving oral from him and that the 16 years old girls told him I wasn’t normal. I told him I felt weirded out from the fact that he shares these intim things about me with children but then he went on and told me they were actually more mature than me despite their age. I asked him if he liked one of them and instead of saying something like “no, they’re kids” or something, he just said he didn’t because both of them have boyfriends which was really odd. I called him a creep and we started arguing. He said I have no right to be mad about him talking to these girls because they at least listen to him and he can talk to them about anything but he couldn’t do this to me because I’m always arguing him when I’m at home. I said of course I won’t talk to him because he’s constantly playing his fucking game with his headphone on his head and I always had to repeat myself several times until he realizes I was speaking to him. And that of course I was arguing him because while he was playing, all I did was to come home from work and clean and cook. He said nobody asked me to clean, if the house was dirty it wouldn’t bother him and that he was always playing with his headphones on because he didn’t want to hear me fighting him.
I’m just so disappointed. I felt that something wasn’t right but I thought we can work through our issues. But I would’ve never think that he breaks up with me because two 16 years old girls told him to do so. Even the fact that he befriends children and talk to them about our private life makes me sick. I don’t know what to do. I want to tell someone these things but nobody would believe me.
8 comments
Your boyfriend has more red flags than China. He shouldn’t have underage friends that he shares intimate details with about his life.
> And then he said he also told them about the fact that I don’t like receiving oral from him and that the 16 years old girls told him I wasn’t normal. […] then he went on and told me they were actually more mature than me despite their age.
Your boyfriend is widely inappropriate here. Befriending young people is fine, really. Taking with them about oral sex is far far away beyond any reasonable lines. To be entirely honest, what he is doing sounds like grooming to me if not already in sexual abuse category. I don’t know why he is telling you, maybe he did not phrased things for himself that way or is so deep in he dont see.
Ad grooming: he opens discussion about sex or don’t shut it up. He normalizes that debate with 16 years old. Then he move on making it sound like refusing oral is immature. He makes it sound like openness to sex in general is maturity. Teenagers are so easy to manipulate with this exact chain of thoughts. They are eager to prove they are big. With relationship set up like that, it will be harder for them to refuse him (cause it would open them to accusation of being immature kids) and him asking for sex will be normalized.
If those debates are in game and you can find them, you can flag them as a minimum. I do not know what is right place to report this to where you live parents/school/some agency, but your ick feel is right. Your ex is grooming 16 years old and thinks it is ok.
Couple things. One, your username is amazing and I chuckled. Thank you. Two, I’m sorry this happened to you, but this person is basically a pedophile and you should run far far away from that person. Three, If you have evidence of this and share mutual friends I would share that proof and show them the type of person he is. If they somehow try to defend it or take his side they need to be removed from your life as well. Four, just talking to children at the age of 25 is just.. wrong on so many levels. Count your blessings that you are no longer with this pedophile and can move on with your life in time.
I want to make a correction here. The two 16 year old girls didn’t convince him to do anything. He wanted to paint himself as a victim, he wanted to break up, he wanted to express his dissatisfaction. It just so happened that other people, who happen to be underage girls, agreed with him and now he uses their validation as an excuse to express himself with “support”.
This guy sucks and is as immature as a 16 year old. If you stay with him you’ll probably have to help him post bail in the future for having kiddie pics. Take this breakup as a blessing. There is better waiting for you!!
The reason these kids understand him is because he’s as immature as a 16 year old. He just wants to sit around playing games while his mum-substitute deals with all the adult stuff like cooking and cleaning. You don’t even live in that apartment but you still clean it!
You’re already living in a new place without him. Seems like the perfect time to break up.
Ew leave him. He’s a pedo without even realising it because of how immaturely programmed his brain is.
Honestly get far away from him, he’s really really icky.
Sorry but your boyfriend sounds like a pedophile!