Hi everyone! I’m in a tough spot right now. I’ll try to keep this as short as possible.
My boyfriend and I have been together for five years now. We recently moved to a new town, even though I didn’t want to and fought it every step of the way. To save money, we started renting a room in a woman’s home. I was miserable at first, but I adjusted. We’ve been living together since 2018.
My partner has a friend from his new job who he’s known for a couple months. She didn’t like her living situation and was struggling to pay her bills. Without consulting me first, my partner told her that we could swap living arrangements with her. She was 40 mins from town, far away from everything, and in a small mountain town with harsh winters.
He became increasingly sympathetic of this girl and her situation. I told him that I didn’t want to, that I was adjusting and being so far away would only add to my feelings of isolation. At first he said “ok, we don’t have to” but he continued to use her situation to manipulate me. Saying she’d lose her deposit if we didn’t do this, she’d be homeless, etc.
He wore me down and I agreed to it. I never should’ve. Under any circumstances. I hate it, and my mental health is worse than ever before. My physical health is declining from all the anxiety. I’m constantly on the verge of puking. We’re far away from town, when we were close to everything before and we use a half tank of gas daily getting to and from town. Our rent is twice as expensive, but we have less and we live in a tiny studio that was smaller than our room we were staying in at the woman’s house.
We didn’t even look at the place before we agreed. I just felt backed into a corner and forced to make a hasty decision. I felt stuck then and even more stuck now.
I’m so angry at my boyfriend. Angry at myself, too, for agreeing. Like I said, he just wore me down and put this girl’s feelings first. I feel horrible. I feel betrayed. I’m ready to move out and leave him. Idk what to do. I haven’t been able to forgive him for days, and I don’t even want him to touch me. What do I do? Am I in the wrong?
**tl;dr**
Boyfriend felt sorry for his coworker, convinced me to switch living arrangements with her and I feel awful. Made a huge mistake
5 comments
You’re not in the wrong. Why is he putting her feelings first before yours? This is odd to me.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Your bf has taken advantage of your kindness at every turn. It’s also quite odd that he is so adamant about his coworkers happiness and well-being, clearly more than yours! Something is def fishy here…
To me, this behaviour is a deal breaker. He is not treating you like a serious partner of 5-years. Imagine being married to a person who behaves like this??? These selfish tendencies only become worse with time, not better. You deserve for your health and happiness to be considered.
You are 26, and that is incredibly young! Too young to be trying to “make it work,” with someone who is not returning the energy and effort. I would call your family and start taking steps towards untangling your life from his. You deserve happiness.
He is probably very stressed about this too . Will you have a better living situation if you leave him ? Or do you think the grass is greener on the other side ? If there’s better options can you convince him to move with you ? Is he still speaking with the girl after switching with her , or was this strictly business ? Anyways just some things to think about . Good luck
Move out and leave him
If you aren’t happy with where you are at and you feel like you aren’t being listened to then you don’t have much of a relationship.
Its fine for one person to take the lead in a relationship but taking the lead doesn’t mean ignore their feelings.
If you clearly articulate that you don’t want to do something and he goes ahead anyway isn’t he by default splitting up with you?
I think you established a boundary and he broke it. This post will help you enforce that boundary and realise you need to do what’s right for you
No, you are not in the wrong. Your boyfriend is. Dump him and spend some time reading up on healthy relationships and healthy boundaries. Don’t let anyone steamroll you again.