I don’t know how to start this story since it happened very recently and I haven’t been able to process it entirely. Also I’m new to this subreddit so I’m sorry if this format is weird and too long.
To start things off, I (21F) have been with my now ex-boyfriend (22M) for almost 2 years now. As every normal relationship, we’ve had our ups and downs throughout this 2 years, but I built trust with my partner and for the most part we were pretty happy. I study in a different city than him, and as students we’ve been trying our best to see each other whenever it’s possible.
Last week we had planned that he come see me to my city, since last time I was the one that came to see him to his city. So I had everything ready to go pick him up from the bus station and I had some cute plans that we could do whenever he arrived. The time came and I went to pick him up, but when I arrived to the bus station, he was really out of it. He looked like he had been crying quite a lot, and he was speaking really fast about lots of things (mostly stuff that happened to him throughout his childhood). So I was initially concerned, but I just thought he was under a lot of stress and he wanted to vent. On the ride home, he was still crying and speaking really fast about lots of things, not making many sense. When we got home (about 1am) he kept talking and talking, to the point where we both didn’t sleep the whole night because he couldn’t stop talking about things, he was telling me all sort of things like he was having “revelations” and “epiphanies”, and he was also thinking and believing things that were in his imagination, or simply just weren’t true (i don’t know if they were hallucinations, but I digress). So that’s when I realized something was wrong, and I’m very regretful and guilty that I didn’t realize sooner, because I believe he had been in this kind of “episode” even before he got on the bus to see me. I decided to take him to the hospital, and I was there with him the whole time taking care of him, I was really scared because I seriously thought he had lost his mind. I was just holding his hand and holding him, telling him everything was gonna be okay and that I would be there with him through thick and thin, because I really loved him. We were there for more than 8 hours (healthcare in México is not the best) and the doctors came to the conclussion that he had a breakdown and hadn’t slept well, or atleast that’s what they told us. They gave him some medication and we went home, and honestly I really thought he was doing better, he was more centered and he seemed like he was himself again.
Now this is where things get worse.
Yesterday I was at college, when I recieved a call from him. I answered and again, he sounded like he was really out of it, so I spoke to his mom so she could take care of him since I couldn’t do much from where I’m at. I hung up and I continued working, but he called me again. I answered and he proceeded to tell me that he had cheated on me with some friend of his at the beggining of our relationship. I was in shock, but I seriously wanted to believe it was part of his episode and it wasn’t true, but I spoke to his best friend and he confirmed this happened. I also spoke to the girl he cheated on me with, and I understand what happened from her perspective (I don’t want to give more details but she asked if he had a girlfriend and he said no), and I came to the conclussion that this was my ex’s fault, and no other than his.
So this is where I’m at. I can’t talk to him because he probably is still under this episode, and I don’t know if I ever want to hear from him ever again. I blocked him on everything because I couldn’t bear looking at this person that I had planned to spent my life with, when he lied everyday for 2 years straight to my face. I just feel really guilty since this happened during his episode, and I feel this responsibility that I should be there for him, even though he did this to me. I don’t know how to feel. Should I stay there for him since he’s not well right now, or should I just leave him blocked and never interact with him again? I really could use some help.
TLDR; My (ex) boyfriend had a manic episode and he confessed he cheated on me. He’s not well and I don’t know if I should stay there for him.
8 comments
Block him and move on. Being there for him now out of responsibility when he’s told you this will only fill you with more resent and hate, even if you try to ignore it for his sake.
He lied to you for years, who knows how many other things he lied to you about (or how many times he cheated with other girls).
I would simple tell him that some things have came to light recently. Like the fact that you cheated with X.. I know you’re going through a tough time right now and I know your mom (family) will be there to help you. But due to the cheating I need to take a step back from this relationship until I cam think without anger and hurt clouding my judgement because I will say something hurtful out of spite and I don’t want to be that person. So right now I’m going to go no contact with you so I can think and try to heal from this. There is no point in trying to hear his apologies. You have the story from both people. He lied and said he was single and he cheated without a 2nd thought. Then lied to you for 2 years. You can’t even be sure that’s the only time. It’s the only one he has confessed to right now. I’m so sorry you had to find out like that and he is having mental health problems but it does sound like a break right now is for the best. And he does have support since his mother is with him.
Don’t feel guilty. Just because you found out about it because of this episode doesn’t change the fact that it’s true. You are not obligated to be his mental health crutch. He has family to support him.
He cheated on you, and lied to the girl about being single. It wasn’t a drunken mistake or a misunderstanding. He actively chose to cheat on you. He made his bed, and the fact that he’s in a manic episode doesn’t magically mean he doesn’t have to lie in it.
You don’t need to be there for him anymore. Be there for yourself.
You’re not his doctor, he made a choice, he can deal with the consequences
At the beginning of the relationship, you said.
That is, when he was in a better state of mind. When he know what he was doing. Leave. You’re not obligated to stay with a cheater just because they’re ill.
You should not stay. His manic episode is an explanation, not an excuse. If he killed someone he’d still go to jail.
He could be using drugs to have an episode like this. Just a thought.
He has a best friend. Let him deal with your ex.