My roommate [F23] and I [F22] are friends and she has a 17 year old small dog from back home who I hadn’t met. We’ve been friends since she moved here last February. In July we moved in together, and then September 1st she said she needed to take over caring for dog from back home. No problem, I have a cat and my cat likes dogs.
The problem is my roommate’s dog can’t control its bowels. The dog stays in my roommate’s bathroom 24/7 which is covered in pee pads that my roommate tries not to change often because she’s trying to be eco-conscious. The smell of poop and urine is really strong whenever I have to enter her room. Her room isn’t sanitary because when she’s home she’ll let her dog walk around the carpeted part of her bedroom. In her bedroom: her dog has pooped on the bed, then pooped & peed on multiple parts of the carpet and rug. We also have a roach problem, and I feel like this isn’t helping with that.
I’m worried about her health constantly breathing all that in. I’ve mentioned to her that the smell may not be good for her health and maybe she should buy an air purifier. I’m pretty sure she can afford one, but she also won’t buy a dog gate for her bathroom-bedroom entrance. She used my step stool for a month to block her dog in before I realized it was missing and eventually found it when she asked me to get something from her room. It’s a running theme that she’ll borrow things and not give them back, like my cat’s shampoo and I gave her multiple bottles of medicine when she was sick. When I got sick, I had to ask for them back and she didn’t wash the medicine cup until I asked her to.
I’m starting to smell the poop & pee from the living room and I’m not sure how to approach the subject that her room smells really bad. I was sick a bit ago, and it took a while for the cough to go away. I was away for a week to see family. Now that I’m back my cough has returned and I’m very aware of the smell in our apartment. Fortunately it’s cooler today, so I have all the windows open.
Since the dog is very old and difficult to care for, this is all very rough on her. The dog also has a health scare right now where it may have to be put down. I can tell it’s hard on her because she’s consistently escaping reality by spending all her time at home on her computer playing games until 2am, often 4am. She gets up for work at 7:30am then gets home at 6pm. There was a particular day when she was sure the dog was dying, but I had to leave for a flight at 4pm where she called me sobbing asking me if I could be home and check in on her dog every hour and tell her if it’s still alive. I love her dog, but I have bad memories of losing a pet and I really didn’t want to be part of this. I did it anyway, I changed my plans and stayed as long as I could before leaving for my flight and the dog is still alive. I assumed she just couldn’t take off work, but less than a week later she took off work today saying she’s burnt out. I don’t get it.
My roommate doesn’t take criticism well, and I feel like her response will be ‘what do you want me to do about it’ and she’ll say she can’t ‘accommodate me.’ I need advice on what to say about the smell.
TLDR: Friends with roommate who has a dog that cannot control its bowels. Dog poops and pees in the apartment, and the smell is really bad. Roommate is struggling with the health decline of her dog and is overall very sensitive, how do I tell her the smell is bad?
4 comments
Yes she does have to accommodate you if you live together, it’s your home too and you don’t want to live in a house that reeks of dog piss and feces. That’s not a big ask. Make her look ridiculous for objecting if you’re sure that’s what she’ll do, she needs a wake up call. Idk this might be a wild idea but maybe she should train her dog to its business outside???
Quite frankly, after reading this post I’m most worried about the dog in all of this – you two are supposed to be responsible adults, how has it not occurred to either of you that an elderly animal with health issues probably shouldn’t be living out its last days confined to a bathroom!?
I would say to her that whilst you appreciate this isn’t an easy time for her, 1. she should prioritise her dog’s health & well-being & urgently address the sanitary living standards in the apartment. Her pet is her responsibility.
That may have to mean the dog goes to live elsewhere it will be properly cared for & she pays for a professional deep clean of your place; it’s not about her ‘accommodating’ your criticism, it’s about basic health & safety and animal welfare.
The dog needs to see a vet. Confining a dog to a bathroom 24/7 is not only neglect, but it’s cruel. I don’t care how sensitive your roommate is to criticism. She needs to be told to step up and actually care for this dog. Caring for an aging pet is difficult but she’s failing epically.
You guys are unfit dog owners and the dog must see the vet. Stop keeping the dog in the bathroom. How would you like if i locked you in the bathroom all day?