I have been with my girlfriend for almost two years now. The entire time we’ve been together, we’ve fought over the same things. I should start by saying that I feel like I’m a pretty easy going boyfriend and I never expected anything from her besides contributing to this relationship.
My girlfriend is the definition of “my way or the highway”. Think of a child who plugs their ears and screams anytime somebody has an opinion or advice. If she has an opinion on something I’m doing wrong, I HAVE to listen to it, and I’m not allowed to comment or “shut down her voice”. But if I have an issue I want to bring up, or a conversation I want to have, we are never allowed to have that conversation. There is no compromise from her side, she has a terrible attitude and a very short fuse, she says this is just the way she is and she’s not changing. I have taken emotional damage from the constant fighting, as I’m sure she has as well, and it feels like we’re nearing the end of our relationship. I have begged her so many times to become more open minded to taking advice and criticism – but it is seemingly no use, she doesn’t even try to change her attitude. Sometimes she will have an attitude and I’ll tell her she’s being mean or rude and she just flat out doesn’t believe me that she is.
I was stubborn as a teenager, but have since grown out of that and realized that I had to mature, grow up, take advice from people, listen more than I speak, and most of all – respect other people who only want the best for you.
I’m not sure what to do – I’ll tell her I’m at the end of my rope and she’s not afraid to push me further, I feel like I’ve given her so many chances that the fear of me leaving has no power anymore.
9 comments
Honestly, she sounds awful, and she’s told you she won’t change – believe her. A relationship should be a point of happiness in your life, and not a continuous source of anger and pain.
She is immature, like you have pointed out. You have clearly outgrown her (as she appears to be acting like a child) and you need to take what you have learned from this relationship and hit the road.
There is nothing wrong with walking away from relationships that no longer serve you. Sounds like you have given her more than enough chances to grow up.
Dude…
You got invested in her before you yourself realized you have interpersonal interaction standards.
This is not it. You’re trying to change someone who refuses to engage with accountability. Yeah, she’s a child. You’re not. Break up and go looking for an adult. If you can give someone better than this in a relationship you deserve the same. There are plenty of people in the world who don’t act like this.
End it and don’t ever settle for someone who won’t give you the respect you give them again.
It sounds like you let her walk all over you during disagreements. If you always let her have her way when she stands her ground, is there any reason for her to change? She is currently getting her cake and eating it too.
I’ll bet you could make a little progress by standing your own ground. Don’t argue. State your piece and stop engaging further. See how it goes.
I get why you don’t want to be stubborn yourself, but understand that stubbornness has its place and value in relationships. It’s how people know something is important to you.
Leave. She’s not going to change her behavior.
There are 2 likely possibilities – either she’s something of a monster, or you’re simply incompatible – where somehow the way you respond pushes her buttons.
Either way it seems like it might be time for a pre-breakup break.
What are you doing? You know this and it’s not gonna change, so either stay or leave.
> I feel like I’ve given her so many chances that the fear of me leaving has no power anymore.
That’s why you need to follow through and leave. Do you want to spend even another second with someone who treats you like this? She is wearing you down into a shell of a man at 24 YEARS OLD! Please for your own sanity and quality of life leave this girl where you found her and get back to being yourself.
I’m going to go against the grain and say there are too sides to every story. Anyone who has to say they are “easy going “ usually it turns out to be the opposite, most easy going people actually tend to think of themselves as quite the handful to deal with at times. Unless she truly is insane to the point of irrationality which would have been apparent on the first date, then there’s something you’re doing that’s causing her to react in that way. Depending on the things you fight about it’s obviously not one sided and her reaction suggests that you may not be listening to what she’s saying and Vice versus. People get labeled stubborn when they aren’t doing what the other wants but if the other person is trying to control the person it’s justified and not just immature behavior.