I’m a 22 year old female. I have “friends” but they’re abroad and no one keeps in touch with me. My “best friend” and I would talk everyday on FaceTime till I decided to stop being the one to call her and now it’s been months and I haven’t heard from her. My dad helps me financially so that’s the only time we ever talk (parents divorced), my mom has severe depression and never responds to my texts or calls (All these people I’ve mentioned are abroad as I’m studying for university in a different country). I’ve made friends over the years and have lost all of them, had a boyfriend but he left me. My sister has me blocked over political differences and my brothers are just too young to care about me. I have no one that checks up on me, talks to me, anything. I can go days without hearing my own voice if it wasn’t for me speaking to my dog (the only reason I’m still alive). I know it may seem like I am the problem, but the main reason friends have left my life is because their priorities were different (wanting to constantly party instead of hangout), robbing me, exploiting me etc…. I have absolutely no one. I have no family that visits me on family weekend at university or thanksgiving or Christmas, no one to hangout with or talk to or vent to. I’m very broke so I can’t afford to do much and no one in my university seems to want to be my friend. Is this normal ? Or is there something wrong with me? It seems as though everyone has at least one person whether it’s a family members or friend and I have no one, and sometimes I wonder how long it’ll take for someone to discover my body when I die.
11 comments
I never figured it out, either. Having friends seems really important, and when I feel really alone, I can understand why. However, most of the time I’m busy with work or just being idle with stuff that interests me, and friends hasn’t been a priority. Recently I am realizing this needs to be more of a priority. What’s weird is I have close colleagues at work, and I am generally successful in my field and get along with people at work and socially. I am not really an introvert in social settings even if I am in my personal life. I can go to a bar or party and hang out with people and get along rather well, make people laugh a lot, etc. But when I am off work, I generally just want to enjoy my time and it actually makes me cringe to think of having company. Similar to you, when I was younger I felt that I had close friends. I don’t really do typical social media like FB or IG so maybe that’s why I lost touch, but then if they were real friends, they had my number and knew how to reach me even if we had simply moved away from each other or whatever. I also know what it means to feel used by friends. Don’t need them anymore, which is part of why I moved away from people I grew up with, I guess. Again, I just don’t get it, either. Maybe adulting is harder than anyone told me or maybe I’m just a messed up person. The answer to your question: yeah, it’s abnormal, but it’s not unheard of. Maybe it’s our kind of normal.
I feel you, sometimes it’s like the friends that I have are just my party buddies, I see them on friday/Saturday never to catch up, just to go out and met people, which I never do bc I’m too busy taking care of them. My family’s it’s there for me, abou 2/3 people but they’re not really young, I’m not gonna have them forever. It hurts sometimes
Dm me if you want to be friends. I know exactly how you feel
I can relate. I had a depressed mom too. I’d recommend looking into attachment styles. It’s a psychological hypothesis that basically states that how humans learn to develop relationships is through their primary care givers in early development. This is usually mom for most people, but with a depressed mom you don’t form normal attachments to people because that person who you were supposed to learn how to have close relationships from wasn’t available like a normal person would be. Parents like this will play with you and give you attention only when it’s convenient for them so it’s an inconsistent connection. And a lot of the times the kid in these situations will take on a parental role towards the depressed parent and internalize their parents sadness as being their fault and this causes so many issues with relationships later in life. I think you have some healing to do.
I know what that’s like 🙁
Sometimes I wonder if the world has changed or I have changed. But I cannot for the life of me make a single genuine friend. Family is also being stubborn. I put in effort but it’s almost as if everyone is too tired for friendships. And I find myself tired too, from trying.
Hopefully it’s just me, and I can fix it. It gets disheartening though. For now I am just alone, and the longer I am alone the more I feel like it’s hopeless.
I remember I used to have a few friends a decade ago and it seemed so effortless, it’s not like that anymore.
Everything in life takes effort, including friendships and other relationships. People are busy, they have lives, hobbies, work, etc.
Friendships take work as well. Yes, we all have those friends who do not stay in touch on their own, but it’s up to you to make it work or give up on it. You can always make new friends who would be more interested in you. Just be open minded about it and don’t be too harsh on people.
I’m on the same boat as you. I’m in a different city from my parents & siblings. My relatives are in the same city I’m in but they don’t care about me (don’t call or invite me over to their home) I don’t have any friends.
I feel you on this. I spent 4 years basically by myself at college and while I was mostly okay with it, damn it sometimes human interaction is nice. Maintaining friendships is difficult and I’ve gotten a little better at it since graduating, but I don’t know how to make new friends as an adult really. So uh i guess if anyone wants to chat let me know lol (24 y/o male)
You have to seek friends out most of the time. Join a social club, Rec league, community association. If you share an interest, it’s easier to form a connection.
That said, I live in a new city and have really easy time making acquaintances but a really tough time advancing them to friend status.
yh
Your problem is being needy.
Why do you need others to care? Just find ways to be happy on your own. Make this your goal.
Ironically this is also the recipe for others to want to interact with you more. Noone wants to be friends with a gloomy blackhole, that requires tons of attention just to be happy. If you rely on others for happiness, then you will stay unhappy.
Here’s something simple anyone can do. Go Jogging and have a 3minute cold shower afterwards. It’s a start. Then try different things. Abandon the things you don’t like. Stick to the things you like. You might be into jogging. Or you might hate it. You might love swimming. Or not. But you’ll never know until you try.
You might be missing out for lack of never having given it a try.