I (25M) have always been reserved and it has been a hindrance on my social life. As a child, I was always quiet and that led to not forming strong bonds with kids at school. I always had “friends” but my relationship with them was never as strong as what they had between each other which always made me feel isolated and disliked. I experienced countless instances of not being included in social events; I still vividly remember the first time I was ever invited to something and how shocked I was that it happened. My father always told me how I shouldn’t be a quiet person since “ people love the social butterfly”. This caused me to resent that personality and fully lean in towards my reserved self. As an adult, I’ve formed strong bonds with the people that put in the effort to knock my walls down and they seem to like what they see I guess but it isn’t always the case. When forming newer relationships I always feel disliked and like I’m being an asshole towards them despite me viewing myself as a very considerate and kind person. Now, I work from home and my life revolves around that, the gym, and my dog. Most of my time is spent alone and my family lives far away. I do not know what my intention with this post was but I guess I figured I’d share and see if someone relates.
5 comments
I can relate a little bit. Sometimes I wonder if everyone feels the same way inside but of course we wouldn’t know it.
Heck yeah I relate to that. Sounds like my life for a huge majority of it.
Hm it could be that you’re an introvert i think that alot of pains can be cleared up by gaining a better understanding of yourself try taking a personality test. Understanding your character traits can help you to understand your strengths and weaknesses this can lead to the development of a strategy that allows you to relate to the world. I think that alot of interpersonal issues stem from an inferior relating function due to a lack of understanding in how to relate. Perhaps you are a deeply insightful person and people find it difficult to relate to you because you’re so “different” because most people would rather not examine life deeply. Some are carried by the motions of life much more easily than others without the need to connect to a deeper meaning of life. The resentment you feel is an indication of a quality your mind wishes to incorporate, if you do this you will feel more whole because you are addressing the problems your mind has put forth, if you dont it could lead to a stagnation in development and an overemphasis on one trait. Carl Gustav Jung described man as an acorn, like an acorn it has a destiny to grow into a tree so it is with man who develops unceasingly and you can either assist in its development or not. These thoughts that you have all seem to me like a signpost that point towards some form of self-development. I can relate because i was at one point a lonely and very self conscious person, reserved and quite and always thinking that others are judging me negatively. Remember the number one rule of like-ability is the perception of sameness (keyword perception)
Can relate. I think what’s required is making a forced effort. It will be uncomfortable but the alternative is to be lonely af and that snowballs into depression and further isolation.
You have to understand that people subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. Ask yourself why should people should have a strong bond with you. It cannot be because you are lonely. Are you a good conversationalist ? Are you fun and interesting to be around ? Do you bring positive vibes and positive social energy ? Are you directly impacting or adding to other people’s lives ? People look at these things in deciding to form a deeper connection with you.
You say you are kind. But you also say you are reserved and quiet. It doesn’t matter how kind you might be. People pick up on the fact you are not confident enough speaking and expressing yourself by definition, and that’s preventing you from coming off as a fun, interesting, or positive person people want to talk to. You need to consistentlu practice listening and speaking to people in a confident manner.