I’m a guy who just got hired at this new job. One of my co-worker’s responsibilities was to train me. It’s strange, he’ll explain everything with ease & confidently, but he never looks at me directly in the eyes as he’s explaining. In an extreme manner, he’ll look ahead of me, to the side, but never directly in my eyes as most people usually do.. not even for a second. I thought he seemed like a nice guy, so I wanted to get to know him better. I sat by him in the lunchroom and attempted to strike up a conversation… outside of just work related business.
Conversation often is pretty easy for me, so I got the ball rolling pretty easily. Eventually he told me that he “doesn’t like talking to people” and that he’s not surprised that I majored in marketing because I’m really good at communication. However, I see him talking to everyone else with ease (including the other new recruits) but with me, he is avoidant… but still polite and respectful. This is why I’m confused. When he told me that he “doesn’t like talking to people”, I think he meant that he’s just not good at it, but he seems pretty smooth with others..
Our boss asked him for my initials as a password for this device we use at work which is “NG.” He says to her “N as in Nice guy, and G as in Great handsome man.” So if he’s complimenting me, it doesn’t seem like he hates me. Could he intimidated by me? I am a fairly muscular guy, but humble ..not douchey.. I tend to put the attention on others. I would often compliment him and tell him what he’s great at in hopes that it might make him feel more at ease with me. I also exposed a few vulnerabilities of my own in hopes that that might make me seem more approachable to him.
6 comments
You might give off a vibe you wanna be his friend and it may be putting him off some how. Be less complimentary for a while and see if he warms up at all. I know I’ve had new people compliment me a lot at first and it really threw me for a loop. Most people are casually dismissive so he might not know what to do with how you’re treating him.
If it was me I’d probably apologize if I came off weird and mention I’ll try to give him more space. It has worked for me in the past as I grew up in the south and moved up north. Southern friendliness is very off-putting to northern people, I mean they like it but just don’t know what to do with it from the cuff.
He might be neurodiverse. Eye contact is often very difficult and weird for many of us. It’s probably not about you. Don’t overthink it, just be pleasant but give him some space, don’t push conversations on him, for example. He doesn’t actually owe you eye contact. He’s polite, respectful, and knows his stuff. This isn’t actually a problem unless you make it one.
It’s not about you, maybe he’s just like that for whatever reason. Give him space
Maybe he has a crush on you. Some people try to avoid people they like, and they also try to avoid eye contact with them. Also it would make sense why he named you “NG” in the company thingy.
It sounds like he may be on the spectrum, and eye contact and socializing make him uncomfortable.
It may be that he’s keeping a professional distance while he’s your mentor, he himself could be shy around new people or he may find you attractive either in a sexual or non sexual way. Just bide your time with him.