24 female. A guy I met on hinge that lives an hour and a half away asked me on a date last Wednesday. I said I was busy and asked if we could do Friday and he said yes, but FaceTimed me to talk. We talked for literally 5 hours, I work from home and got no work done at all. He is a pilot in the Navy at a base close to me. He comes up Friday afternoon and takes me on a date. We hit it off immediately, and go back to my place and make cookies and drink wine and watched a movie. By this point it’s super late and we’re both drunk and I suggested if he wanted to he was welcome to stay at my place and he did. I did warn him that I had to be up very early to go to an art market that only happens once a month and I’ve been planning for weeks to go and he asked if he could come with me. I was a little surprised but said sure. We wake up at 8am, get Starbucks, and go to this art market and walk around for hours just looking at art. I assumed he would go home after, but then he suggested brunch. We go and get brunch and just eat and talk. Then he suggests having his friends drive up for the football game. I was like… sure?
So by this point it’s 2pm and he’s still with me, we go back to my place and get ready and his friends get a hotel where I live and drive up. We all meet each other at the bar and spend the entire game there and then all four of us go get dinner. I loved his friends and I believe they felt the same, we had amazing conversations and all got along so well and just like the vibe was perfect. Can’t even explain how seamless and easy all of this was going, we we’re having intelligent meaningful awesome conversations. My guy was drunk and kept saying how “unexpected” this was and kept saying “I can’t believe this happened.” We all went out to the bars and drank all night and then he came home with me. When we left both of his friends hugged me and said “I’m sure we will see you again, it was so great meeting you.” The next morning at this point I was kinda like I want him to leave because I’ve spent 3 days with him and he left around 10. He kissed me and said “I’ll see you soon.”
We texted a little Sunday but he didn’t respond to my last text which was small talk and it’s now Wednesday night and I haven’t heard a single thing. I added him on snap and he didn’t add me back. His friends followed me on Instagram. I don’t know what to think. It’s like, I don’t expect constant communication by any means but you can at least reach out? He’s active on Instagram watching all my stories and stuff but hasn’t spoken to me at all or added me back on snap, so I just removed him off Instagram. I don’t like people ignoring me like that and watching me, it’s not a petty thing I just honestly feel super weird about it, like I didn’t really invite you to stay the whole weekend and you did and we had an amazing time, I mean I can’t even explain how well we hit it off. It’s like every single thing was going perfect, I didn’t feel irritated or rubbed wrong by him in any way and we had some amazing conversations. I just can’t understand why he hasn’t spoken to me at all like I can’t think of a single thing I did wrong and obviously his friends like me so I’m just really sitting here questioning every single thing and I’m really bothered by it! And why would he say “see you soon?” Why say something like that if you have no intentions of even having communication with me? He also paid for everything all weekend, drinks/food/covers, when I offered he declined.
30 comments
I’m going through something similar with a man I was engaged to. It’s just, so unbelievable, like we were perfect, what more do you men want? Idk 🤷🏼♀️ it’s also just sooooo painful.
I finally got a text from mine tonight as a matter of fact. He said, “Hey what’s up what’s going on how is everything” I guess that’s what you say to the woman you supposedly want to marry and can’t live without. I don’t know what game he’s up to but I’m not responding this time. I’m in pain but I’m in control and I’ll get over the pain but I’m not giving up the control. Not this time jerk, lol
Update: I deleted his text without even clicking on it.
Going through the same with a guy i was exclusive with for a couple of months. I dont understand ghosting at all. What sucks is we had a wonderful conversation right before and he was telling me his plans for when i visit. Said he’d call me the next morning and then i literally never heard from him again. He continued posting on social media as if nothing happened 💀
That doesn’t make a whole lot of sense why he would look at your stories, but not try messaging you. You could be thinking into it too much or he could be experiencing buyer’s remorse. Have you tried messaging him again since then? Maybe there’s just some miscommunication/understanding going on. Or a little bit of a cat & mouse game; both of you waiting for the other to text first again.
Maybe he changed his mind about his intentions? Did you both have a conversation about what you were looking for? Relationship? Casual? I’m sorry this happened to you. Some men just suck. It’s like if you don’t want to hang out anymore, if you changed your mind, just tell me and i will leave!
Were his friends all single guys? If so, they were passing the joint around. It happened to me and other girls. If he’s not responding but his friends are, becareful ok. Hopefully I’m wrong and he comes back around but I move on to someone else
Did you have any kind of sex?
I like dude like this … he hits what he got by any means. Enjoy his life to the most and run…. Move to the next one…. That how life should be … hit and run… in this feminism era …. You play their own game ….
He’s not ghosting. It’s only been a few days. He’ll get back to you.
Ok then, give him space and time, he could have been busy or scared how deeply he cares. Can you ask the friends for a clue as to his mind? Sorry for my mistake
Looks like a guy that feels lonely and empty. He enjoyed being around you and the time you spent together (one weekend), just living in the moment without any consideration for your feelings or a future together, short or long term. That’s a terrible thing to do, we shouldn’t use people. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this, but it has nothing to do with you. He showed you who he is.
That pretty much counted as three dates and you didn’t put out so there’s your answer.
2 things come to mind
– he didn’t think that it’d go the way that he did and things suddenly seem to be happening fast and now that he has time alone to think about what happened, he’s rethinking things
OR
– he’s the kind of person that wants to be seen as a “cool fun guy” in the eyes of everyone, which is why he did and said all those things with you, now the dopamine is crashing and he’s having withdrawals
Sounds like an impulsive type of person. Thrill seeking overrides connection to some extent. I came across that type of guy on an app recently. All this energy and charisma and fun and then crickets. He was never trying to connect with me but was getting a rush from it in a different way than I was. We were not wired the same, motivated by the same thing, and only knew that after enough time had passed to see the “why” he was behaving that way. I wish we could read detailed reviews about people’s dating behavior before meeting them sometimes. Until then just have to maintain as low expectations as possible until lots of time and behavior can show you what’s really up. Glad you are more baffled than bothered after reading more of your comments.
You said he is in the Navy. Military schedules can be unpredictable at times. Be patient because he might not be able to reach out.
For fuck’s sake, use that phone for its primary purpose and call him.
It could of been a one time fling for him, or maybe in his eyes he didn’t get what he wanted. The other notion is he could be married.
Something similar happened to me as well, we met online , shared Instagram Details and phone number. We were so into each other on the phone and he started talking about our future. All of a sudden he stopped replying me but he’s active on Instagram. Some men can be full of shit. I’m like what the hell did I do wrong? I’m planning on taking him off my Instagram and blocking his number . Men change like the weather honestly.
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Maybe you guys hit it off so well it’s scaring him a bit? You know, like it’s “too good to be true” type of deal. I wouldn’t cut him off just yet, but leave the ball in his court and stop trying to initiate contact.
I’m sorry to say, pilots are like this. (Not all of course) I’ve known several in my life through dating, work, or friends. They’re all about the good time in front of them that moment. Then they move on to another fun time. If you notice, they’re always the funnest to hang out with.
I feel you, and a month later I texted and asked him why u ghosted me like that? At least I deserve goodbye??? And he replied to my text
‘I’m sorry I didn’t mean to but I didn’t find the romantic feeling that I’m looking for’
Well, guys are sucks we never know what their feelings are. But just move on for now if you can’t still move on later, ask him again. Or probably he just busy? But in my opinion no one’s gonna busy for people that they really like.
I’m sorry this is happened to tou :(( hope you will be strong!! And more stronger:((
I gave up on the fact that people don’t make sense.
Back in 2020 I asked a friend of my sister I know fairly well on a date. She said it was a rough period and she wasn’t feeling it. I thought it was a nice way to say no but I was cool with it
2 months ago, out of fucking nowhere she asks me out. I accept and we go out and drink something and we talk for like 5 hours straight. I wasn’t sure it was a date since we knew eachother and she already said no to me once but when we are heading back to the car she goes out of her way to make me understand she wants us to kiss and so I happily do that. We texted a bit in the following days and after a while she sends a message that can be boiled down to “slow down, let’s not rush it”, and then proceeds to disappear.
People don’t make sense, the sooner you learn that the better.
Everyone sounds crazy with jumping to conclusions. He’s in the navy correct? He has work to do like you or any of us, also ppl get burnt out and need personal time.
If you haven’t reached out yourself it’s premature to say he’s ghosting. Reach out, If he ignores you you have your answer (and you’ve dodged a major bullet)
His friends drove and hour and a half to join an extended hinge first date?
It does not matter why he did it if soundboard for sure you have done nothing to step on his toes on purpose. If he chooses to remove himself, he did it. That’s all. The action speaks for itself.
You left out a big detail that I think we be important…did you have sex?
Regardless of anything, he SHOULD just tell you what’s going on.
But you are being weird with this whole “not being clingy” thing but then spending mental energy and time on Reddit analyzing it. Send a very direct message inquiring or call him. Just get an answer one way or another, and stop playing the Snapchat, Instagram games.
Lots of things are possible. Maybe he was having a great time in general but saw something that ruled out romance for him. Maybe he has complicated romantic situations unrelated to you that took a turn. Maybe he realized that you two aren’t sexually compatible (why I asked the sex question). It could be a ton of things but if I were you I’d definitely reach out.
I’m really sorry you’re experiencing this. I am a 26F and I tend to have really great, amazing dates that I don’t often have second dates with (I never ghost though). Sometimes people are really good conversationalists and a lot of fun but ultimately realize they aren’t as interested as they thought when they have time to be alone. It causes a lot of confusion for the other person though, when it seems like nothing has gone wrong and everything was perfect. It’s easy to get caught up in the moment and feel differently when you can reflect on it.
That’s no reason for him to ghost though, if he’s not interested he needs to tell you. It’s not right to spend an ENTIRE WEEKEND with you and for him to invite HIS friends to YOUR place, and then not have the courtesy to either continue or tell you he’s not interested. I would call him and ask him why and call him out if he gives a bad answer. I know you said you don’t want to seem clingy but I don’t think that seems clingy at all. You have a right to your own peace of mind.
I’m also going through something similar. Met a guy online, talked to him for 3+ months: we would talk every single day, he was very respectful and gentle, we sexted in the beggining and after that we took it slow, he made promises, we made future plans to meet, he talked to me even when he was really busy and then it all ended. Suddenly he was too busy to talk, he read texts and didn’t answer. I asked him what’s up, if something changed for him, he told me not to worry. But kept ignoring me and saying he’s too busy, while posting pics of going out with friends. It fucking hurts because we invest in people and it seems to be reciprocal until one day they change their minds. Or maybe they faked it all along. And instead of communicating, they ghost. It’s the easy way out. But it’s not respectful. If only people learned to text “Hey our connection is not aligned with what I’m looking for right now, it was great meeting you goodbye”, we would all be more safe and healthier. Dating sucks