TLDR – fiancée downloaded tinder and claims they only matched, but no messages and deleted out of guilt. Tied to hide it from me.
So my fiancée and I have been together 7 years, engaged for 1. I always thought we were going to be together forever, but times lately have been tough.
They work all the time and we recently moved for their career. I’m lonely and sad. We argue a lot because of the move and their work. That and I’m ready to get married and have children. They want to wait a year because a transfer internally is pending with a promotion. The promotion would entail less hours and we would be back close to home.
Well tonight they told me they were worried somebody stole their credit card info because of some random charges. I happily looked into it by their request. As I’m going through the transactions, I went to check if they received a purchase notification to ensure two-factor authentication was working properly and somebody hadn’t changed that info when stealing their information.
Well, they NEVER clear their notifications so I saw it. The Tinder verification code.
I asked what that was about.
They went pale and looked shocked and came clean. I felt like they only came clean because I’m sitting here showing the text notification. So I clicked the notification and it went to nothing. They deleted the text but forgot to clear the notifications.
They claim they thought I was going to leave them because of the relationship state and downloaded it. They claim they swiped ONE night, got some matches and deleted it before any messages. They claim they felt badly.
I tried to recover the account because at this point my trust is shattered, at least in that moment. I couldn’t because they deleted their account permanently.
I was sick to my stomach, still am. Still haven’t eaten, granted I just found out 7 hours ago. I feel broken. But the hollowness I feel is the same as I felt before I found out. I feel like I’m done. Then another part of me says to stay because you shouldn’t throw away a relationship and engagement of 7 years over what they claim was one night of swiping and no messages.
Reddit – is this a reason to end it? We set boundaries at the start and both agreed this was cheating.
7 comments
I think it’s a reason to end things… sorry Op
If you both set boundaries and both decided this would be cheating, then he cheated. Now it’s up to you to decide if it was bad enough for you to end things. Would you be able to trust him after this? If not, walk away. No trust in a relationship equals a really shitty relationship for the both of you.
genders?
ages?
This, is a reason to take a step back and reflect (for perhaps a week, one day for each year of the relationship).
Super hard to follow the story. Who’s they ? Is this more than one person?
Tinder is a very bad sign. Relationship
Is over.
you agreed it would be cheating. knowing this, she did it. even if she had completely forgotten, it’d still be cheating. don’t be a fool and stay with someone who clearly doesn’t respect nor want you- leave and keep your dignity
>Then another part of me says to stay because you shouldn’t throw away a relationship and engagement of 7 years
Don’t allow yourself to fall victim to the fallacy of sunk costs OP.This is how bad relationships begin to chip away at people’s boundaries. If cheating is a deal-breaker for you, end it.
I would dump them just for this honestly
>They claim they thought I was going to leave them because of the relationship state and downloaded it.
What kind of excuse is this? This is beyond shitty.
This incident plus everything else. … I mean, it seems you two are completely disconnected and uncommunicative. If you both want to fix the relationship, you need to sit down and talk about some difficult things openly and honestly. Maybe even seek some professional counseling if you bicker so much and can’t agree on things. You need to see if both of you are willing to put the work to save this. They need to apologize and ask you what they can DO in order for you to be able to trust them again. Without these things, I don’t see this as a sustainable situation at all.