I’m 20 and i’ve had sex a few times before but not a crazy amount and I have very serious PE and I cum literally instantly. I feel like I’ve tried everything. I’m a very healthy individual, I work out everyday, I don’t watch porn, I don’t masturbate often. When I’m going to hang out with a girl I masturbate before in the day in case that would help but either way I cum literally instantly. Whether it’s a handjob or blowjob or PIV I make it about 2 seconds and it is so embarrassing every time and then it kills my confidence. I also can’t even get PIV a lot of times because I came after them trying to do foreplay for like a second. At this point this is an extreme confidence killer and even though I’m confident in myself I miss out on so many opportunities with girls because I know I’m gonna be pathetic in bed. This kinda causes major confidence issues in my life and I’m not sure what to do anymore. I am a college student and I dont know like if there’s a doctor I should go to or some sort of other thing I can try but I would appreciate help.
Edit: For the people telling me to try edging I have tried that and it’s not helping. Also the idea of getting the girl to cum first is something I already do but it doesn’t take away from how embarrassing it is for me. I’m looking for actual medical solutions not just you guys telling me to feel better
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(Female answer so probably not an expert!) Maybe one thing you could do is when masturbating, try to stop ejaculating when you feel like you’re about to cum, wait for a short moment then carry on and build up the waiting more, getting to know your own body is so important. Think it’s called a squeeze method!? Another idea, is a lot of clitoral action before PIV and during for the female (if you’re sleeping with females/vulva owners!) As 80% orgasms are clitoral for us 😄 Pelvic floor exercises are also very good for men, as if you’re holding in a wee just keep doing that! Hope you find what works for you!
One more thing, sex is so much more than orgasms and our mind controls so much of our pleasure. Maybe think less about the “end” and try and be in the moment (sounds cringe) but enjoying the pleasure and the intimacy, rather than thinking about ejaculating
Learn how to be horny and not get hard or orgasm. This is the start of learning control of all of it
Reddit can’t give you medical solutions. Only Physicians can. Sometimes they’ll prescribe a low dose of SSRIs for PE.
Why don’t you just cum first, then do foreplay on the woman for a while until you’re hard again, and then go for round 2? I can’t imagine you’d be unable to get hard again if you finish that quickly
I’m an occupational therapist and sex educator. I see your edit about looking for solutions more than validation. I have a few questions:
– Do you finish at the same pace when masturbating?
– have you experimented with masturbating more often and seeing if that extends your erection?
– What is your refractory period like? Time, sensitivity, energy levels?
– is your body really sensitive? Or is it more mental? Mental health and sexual health are inseparable but I wonder which you feel is more relevant here.
– With partners do you finish quickly with penetration or all touch?
There are a lot of products on the market for premature ejaculation. Some are safer than others. The numbing gels and any medication are worth avoiding. Dildos can please your partners while giving your body a breather. Noninvasive options like thicker condoms or toys can reduce your sensitivity and delay your satisfaction.
Happy to help further / refer you via my website http://www.crashconsultingllc.com
Talk do you doctor about premature ejaculation. There’s things you can do about it but it’s better to ask a professional 💖 good luck
With my ex we had issues as like you I would cum nearly instantly. With my current partner this seems less of an issue. Main difference being before my ex I had sex twice, now it’s a fair bit more than that.
I used a flashlight training device and later a helix which I found helped get used to the feeling and thus last a bit longer.
Age wise with my ex about 24-26, now I’m nearly 30.
How long do you last the second round though?
It won’t be embarrassing if you can do it multiple times.
Get her off first. Cum instantly and say she must have a magic pussy!
What happens with round two? Equally fast?
so i’m almost hesitant to say this but my PE lead me to an opioid addiction bc once i figured out i could last literally forever taking pain pills i never wanted to stop. This is not a good thing at all but i’ve discovered other meds that have a similar effect although much less effective. If you have depression or anxiety or anything I would think about asking your doc for an SSRI. I would be honest and say you want the med for your symptoms but also tell them you struggle with PE and prefer one that has heavier sexual side effects. I’ve taken several and zoloft works well for me. Apparently paxil is the best at delaying orgasm but i’ve never been on that one. I’m
sure a lot of people won’t like this answer but PE kills my self esteem and overall mood so getting some help will be beneficial in many ways to you. Also how are your hormones? when i work out and eat healthy i feel like i last longer. Most likely from increased testosterone / lower estrogen.
i’ve tried edging / kegels and none of that worked for me personally. Think mine is mostly mental and i am willing to bet yours may be as well
My ex husband was exactly like this when we got together. You need an experienced partner, you need to be able to talk to her about it, and you’ll need to work through some desensitisation with her. Sex at the beginning will be brief, my ex would come a few times before he would be able to last a minute. I would straddle him wearing clothes on my top half, get him inside and I would sit there, we would then just literally chat to distract and relax. None of it was sexy but it was necessary. After a few months our sex life was fine. You’ll either need someone who really loves you to figure this out or just a good friend who is willing to help you out. Just don’t pretend it’s not happening, it will make it worse. I was my exes third partner and he’d never managed to have sex until we got together, he never discussed the issue with his exes they just acted like their was no issue. Don’t beat yourself up, just trust you’ll meet someone willing to go through the process with you x
75% of men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest of us don’t think it’s a problem!
After you cum are you able to work back up and go again fairly quickly?
Hypnotherapy maybe ? That can help this kind of problem sometime
Can I just say, for a woman this can be so hot. It’s not all bad. Hope you find a solution that works for you soon
When I was your age I always masturbated during the day if I knew I was going to have sex that night. This would give me more stamina.
Also during sex I would distract myself by thinking about non-sex-related things to start with.
Also, during foreplay, make your partner come, that way she’s already satisfied in case you come early.
I struggled with this as well, and although im a female, you could try what worked for me, because its simple: i was initially SO sensitive to any type of touch or sensation that i could barely take it and it was so intense that i would come really quickly. So I started “desensitizing myself” with vibrators, or i got drunk and masterbated (so i was less mentally aware and noticed less sensation while my clit+pussy was definitely being stimulated); would masterbate with my undies on when i felt like any touch was too much already/ and use vibration starting low and then as i got closer i would increase it…. Basically desensitizing myself in any way shape and form possible. It took a while but it definitely and permanently was a solution! It was a little wierd to get used to but i suggest trying it out for a while… its not like it takes that much time out of the day lol.
This is gonna sound strange but i would suggest wrapping yourself with like 4 or 5 layers of condoms, using lube, and masterbating like that a few days in a row, trying to increase the amount of sensation you give yourself (even just a quick squeeze right after cumming) in any way. Literally just try to get your dick used to being touched and experiencing as many sensations as possible as frequently as possible. Do that daily for a month.
Another trick- right after cumming- hold your dick and balls gently but firmly with a gentle firm squeeze for a few minutes. Sometimes this helps reduce sensitivety after cumming to help guys have a shorter refractory period to be able to cum again. No movement though! Just pressure, hold until you feel like moving around would feel good again, and then you might possibly want to jerk it again.
Also, be patient with yourself. Try not to focus so much on “lasting” and “I’m gonna cum right away” but more “hmm what does this sensation feel like?” And “what happens if i do this for a while?” Try to be curious and forget entirely all the knowledge you have built up about your sexuality before and the things you think your dick likes and doesn’t. Try to just test new feelings and sensations and methods in entirely new ways like you have never done it before. Pretend like you are t someone else’s body and bring that patience and care.
Dapoxetine
Just cum before foreplay…
I recommend watching porn and masturbating more often. That should “desensitize” your mental and physical sexual stimulations which in turn may make you last longer. I find if I don’t do these things for a while, doing the deed gets faster and faster.
This is just what I recommend from personal experience. I hope it helps you.
Just go to a doctor. The specialty if I remember is an urologist if your lucky you can find one that specialize in sexology. Good luck mate.
Jack off three times a day until it gets better. Or you just get bored of cumming.
[r/PrematureEjaculation](https://www.reddit.com/r/PrematureEjaculation?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Visit r/PrematureEjaculation and read some of the posts for better advice than you will be getting here.
When I (34M) was younger (17-22), I didn’t last very long. Maybe 5-10 minutes max. I focused on foreplay and being the best I could be at that. I made it my mission to make sure she came once or twice before we even moved on to PIV. Also, as others mention, I would go a second round when we were both ready. You’re still young, and PE is a lot less confidence-killing than DE or ED.
Now, there are times when I can’t maintain an erection or when I do, I can’t cum. My experience has been that women are far more upset when they can’t make you cum or keep you hard than when you cum too fast. It kills both parties’ confidence when there is no climax.
I suppose all I can say is count your blessings because it could be a lot worse.
You can tell the girl to give you a hj or bj first then cum. Then eat her out until you regain your erection and then have sex.
try masturbating as many times as possible for several days (she could help too)
Pau Yuen Tong balm
At one time I too was pretty fast in bed. It’s not recommended, but I jerk off at least once a day in an attempt to desensitize a bit. Frequent sex obviously helps too.
But more than anything else, foreplay foreplay foreplay. Make her cum twice before PIV. If you don’t like going down on a woman, you’re gonna have a hard time my dude.
Also, round two. Gather yourself, refractory period can be a bitch, and go down on her. When you’ve recovered get back to business. Sex doesn’t have to end with ejaculation my guy. Most women are pretty understanding from what I hear. You might even say something like “hey, I’ve been known to cum pretty fast so I’d like to focus on you for a bit if that’s cool.” I mean who turns that down?
Masturbate more
Tingle lube! I don’t know if this is the intended cause, but it will numb you up. If you’re wearing protection try a condom with a tighter fit
Im sorry, but that is such a turn on for me🙈
Talk to an urologist. That’s the kind of doctor you need to see.
I had this issue real bad with my ex, but with my current GF and more experience under my belt, it is definitely not as bad as it used to be and I have been able to smash for ages at times.
SSRIs genuinely help. Anxiety and depression meds help it, as do desensitization. I dont think you can be super sensitive to sex and not coom instantly as a dude. Dont know if its possible.
I used to be like this… man. It sucks! But it will get better. Time, experience. It’s in your head now which makes it worse but you’ll get better I promise. Kegels also work. Do your kegels good sir!
Try using delay spray. It may help
PT 141 works well. Like for hours
If it makes you feel better, I had the exact same issue when I was around your age. I don’t think I ever last longer than 1 minute prior to the age of 20. However, now that I am 28 and have had a few long term partners, it is no longer an issue and I can last as long as I need to. Part of it is your you getting to know your body as you get older and part of it is finding a partner who will work with you to get through it. It is a common problem that is fixable, it just takes some time.
I don’t have the best advice rather than see a doctor and talk about it but also don’t be embarrassed. It happens and it’s not your fault, it doesn’t make you less of a man and it doesn’t make you any less worthy or any of that shit. I’m sorry it’s messing with your confidence
Are you taking any psych medications, particularly antipsychotics/SNRIs/Mood stabilizers?
My husband finishes fast during PIV. I’m talking like literally 2 minutes. I don’t mind, and in fact I actually like it. He directs all his attention to pleasing me and making me orgasm for at least an hour beforehand so by the time we actually go to have sex I’m very satisfied. Finishing fast isn’t the end of the world or the end of your sex life. Most women don’t even want PIV that much tbh. Focus on your partner in other ways and remember, sex doesn’t have to end because the person with the penis came. 😉
You can use SSRIS’s off label for this!
Enjoy it fam. I’m 29 around 23 is when the insta nut stoped and now it’s starting to take longer and longer and I just feel like I’m doing cardio with extra steps. Trust me. You got it good now
Your best bet is to actually go to a males fertility clinic & have them check you out, See if they cant help you out.
There are a few things you can try before seeking them if you haven’t already.
I believe there are numbing creams & I believe prescribed pills (From the Drs office) Not entirely sure.
You shouldn’t feel to bad about it, Id say its actually more annoying if my partner doesn’t cum, At least some might take it as a compliment & sex is not just about vaginal penetration with the male member, Its a bunch of stuff!
You don’t have to do that traditional for it to be special or enjoyable. I understand its hard not to feel this way but take it from me, You will find someone who doesn’t care about that & will love you just for you being yourself.
Please don’t go get on SSRI’s like some people have suggested. There are different kinds of sprays/wipes you can use ahead of time that will kind of numb your member for a temporary amount of time. Try that a few times and see how it works.
Maybe get that first cumshot out of the way, be straight with her about what you are doing and why, then focus on her for 20-30 minutes and go for round 2. Time in the saddle founds for a lot. If there are triggers (for me it was doggy and the sight of her delicious butthole) I avoided these until I built up experience in other positions.
You’ll get there