What are some things a guy can do to up the ante but which aren’t likely to seem too incongruent or overwhelming if you’ve been taking things slow so far?
Ideas I’ve got: Throwing around more innuendoes, questions or topics that are a bit risqué, stronger eye contact, physician closeness, light touching on their arm, and obviously going in for a kiss.
What am I missing?
46 comments
Talking about how you are enjoying the DATE, and asking them how they are experiencing the DATE. Emphasizing date showcases you think of it as not just hanging out as friends.
Asking about dating history, what they are looking for.
Complimenting them.
What kind of physician
Take the direct approach.
Tell her you like her and want something more with her.
Why do people do everything *but* be direct.
Directness is attractive.
Something important to learn is that you cannot convince someone to be attracted to you, you can’t persuade them or encourage them. All you can do is communicate how you feel and hope that they’re feeling the same. Don’t mess around with some stupid innuendos or subtle hints, just ask her if you can take her on a date.
Make it obvious you have sexual intentions. Continuously make sexual references when flirting. People date in order to connect and be intimate. If she friendzones you, break it off, or ask her to help you get with one of her friends that you are interested in. Girls know why guys take them out…intercourse!!! If she doesn’t have any intentions of going to that level with you, let her find someone else to give her attention. Don’t waste anymore time
Sincere Compliments are the best way to change the vibe. Don’t get all sexual with innuendo – that’s gross and creepy. Tell her she looks really pretty today or she smells nice. Keep it clean or get blocked
Have you taken them out on a date yet?
Are the dates conducive to intimacy? Candlelit dinners, drinks in nice establishments, coffee at quaint coffee houses, slow dancing at classier clubs or events, that sort of thing?
The slow burn approach tends to work best for most women. You’ll want to set the tone, but you don’t want to be too direct or aggressive right up front – I wouldn’t outright blurt out that you’re interested in getting physical. It implies you either don’t care for the emotional connection or you have no idea how to go about it, both of which can be off putting, depending on the woman. Smooth, gentlemanly moves that don’t immediately trigger the ‘oh shit’ response (a heavy hand on the upper thigh out of nowhere, for instance, or leaning in to kiss her randomly at the end of a date when there’s been no other intimate contact) are always desirable.
Personally I’m a sucker for the ‘whole arm around her shoulders so you can play with her hair’ with compliments about how she styles or maintains it, thing. Don’t pit her against other women – always keep these compliments light and focused on her. Sliding your hand across the table casually to hold and play with hers, almost as if it’s a natural habit, while you’re discussing other things and volleying through good conversation. The hand on her lower back as you’re walking, usually as you move to take the side closest to the main road, or before you open a door for her. Start small, and work your way up depending on her receptiveness. If she’s into you, she’ll return and initiate small points of contact as well, and you will find opportunities come more and more easily.
I would also say that eye contact is a very powerful tool, but abuse or misuse of that tool can have the opposite effect of making someone feel pinned down, or like prey. Use it sparingly and pick your moments. Innuendos and risqué topics will depend on the girl – if she’s got a great or slightly darker sense of humour, or you’ve been with her a while, it’ll go over much better than just hoping you understand her perspective and that they’ll work out of the gate. (Personally, when I’m dating someone new, I always thought attempts like this came off kind of awkward and transparent no matter how well-done they were, but then, I’m not a talker so much as a toucher.)
Setting a foundation for intimacy to occur naturally, while showing her you’re still a civilized person, gives her permission to act on her own desires and reassures her that you have the social skills and restraint to be considered trustworthy.
I really hated it when I thought someone was being a friend, but on their end, it was them persuing me romantically, I would’ve rather have them be direct from the beginning. Just ask her out or let her know you are interested in getting to know her better in a romantic way. Make it clear it is a date, not just ask to do something fun.
Literally just touch her, on the leg, on the arm, put your arm around her back, do something. One thing I like to do is put my arm behind her back, use my fingers to kinda scratch her back, and then actually work in a tiny massage around the upper back / neck area. Works every time.
Touch is how you bridge this gap.
If she doesn’t like it, you have to respect that.
Have you established that she is interested in you romantically/sexually?
I see some people responding as though you have and others responding as though you haven’t.
If you have not, this is step 1.
>how can you make it more romantic/sexual without being too jarring or uncomfortable?
From what you’re describing, she just likes you as a friend. You can try one or two of the ideas you mentioned but if she’s not showing any physical signs of interest, I would move on to someone else.
Ask for her opinion on the craze of eating ass. Just be like… ” What’s your opinion on this whole, eating ass craze that started a few years back?”
My boyfriend asked me if he could hold my hand when we were walking. I found that very charming.
I’m probably going to say something unpopular here but from my observations: If a woman genuinely finds you attractive, she will make it easy for you to be intimate with her.
I have a very attractive friend, he could be a model if he wanted, 6’3, well build, great hair, perfect face, etc. I’m jealous how easy girls make it for him to date them. They practically throw themselves at him, and at bars I’ve seen girls buy HIM drinks and invite HIM over.
I don’t have it that easy, but I’ve been in two situations where the girl was trying to escalate things with me, but me being young and socially unaware, I had no idea. So I kept it platonic, and was wondering how I can make it un-platonic, just like you. But if I had the awareness I would’ve seen the clear signs they were trying, and one actually got her feelings hurt because she assumed I didn’t find her attractive and told me that about a year later.
My point being. 1) I think most girls will make it known she wants more from you. 2) You need to have the social skills to notice and act.
Don’t waste anyone’s time. Ask directly and be respectful if rejected. Move on if you don’t vibe. Easy peasy.
Ask to munch her carpet /s lol
I’d say break the touch barrier & compliments. Tell her she looks really good today, she smells good, her hair is beautiful, like literally anything that you would want her to say to you, say to her. Also, maybe sitting on the couch with your leg touching hers, or touching her on the arm. Don’t be overly touchy tho, like absolutely do not touch her ass or boobs without permission.
The top ones in my mind are social touching, teasing, and asking more romantic questions – what are your love languages, what kind of guys do you date, what traits do you like in men
Honestly if you’re touching her and you can tell she’s enjoying receiving your touches then most other things will flow from there
Sounds like a solid list, just be careful
You gotta give some kinda physical , primarily kiss, hug etc
Establishing sexual tension is done much better, much sooner, if you’re already balls deep into a friendship/connection situation, IMHO.
Your suggestions are about all you can reasonably do. But, IMHO, that window shuts down pretty early in meeting you, and prying it open is a rare thing.
Literally just grab a chilly and slide the hole thing into their mouth while rehearsing aly McBeal
You need to add in some physical touching. Nothing overtly sexual or creepy. Just like a hand on the knee or shoulder every now and then.
Please for the love of god, no sexual innuendos or risqué topics…it comes off disingenuous and creepy and would be a huge turn OFF for me
You got the steps, just have to watch for reciprocation along the way and get out of your head and go for it.
If she’s Christian you can ask her if she’s ever heard of God’s loophole.
Just be upfront and ask her on a date. Don’t beat around the bush with weird sexual innuendos while staring at each other.
When my now-husband and I started talking, after the initial brief “small talk/casual flirting” phase, he pretty immediately was upfront asking if I wanted to go on a date, wanted a relationship, wanted to be exclusive, and other such questions to gauge my feelings without beating around the bush.
If he hadn’t taken the risk and been upfront like that, we absolutely wouldn’t be married bc I fully thought he was only interested in having a drink together once or twice and just being casual friends (with the possibility of hooking up once or twice since we were flirty with one another).
But now I’m married to my best friend and, not to be corny, but every day is so fun with him and my life is genuinely brighter with him in it and I know he feels the same. All bc he was just real & honest from the beginning. No awkward sexual innuendos and eye contact involved lol.
Is it clear that you like each other?
Idk whenever I was dating I just used open communication.
“Hey I like you can I kiss you?” “I want to take your clothes off.”
I think it didn’t leave room for ambiguity, and my dates seemed to appreciate/like that I was a little assertive.
Just imo.
She might already know you like her but wants to keep you as a friend. Ask her if she thinks you could be more than friends
Something that just worked for me was our legs touching under the table, and since she didn’t pull her leg away I left mine touching hers. After we went to another bar and we’re playing trivia I noticed the contact was a lot stronger, our legs were fully pressed up against each other the whole time. That made me feel welcome to go for a kiss at the end of the night which was an awesome makeout session
Flirt
Guys are dumb. Flat out say it.
Flirting with them comes to mind.
Be more direct.. smile more, hold longer eye contact, be more touchy like with hugs or arm around her or hand on thigh. Just tell her how beautiful you think she is and you love spending time together. Then worst case is just directly say you have feelings for her
give her a good, thorough and long hug
Works especially well after a date, preferably at the first or second, if you want to take things slow
If you have been friend zoned for awhile, she’s not gonna change that. If this is a new girl, make a move. Tell her you’ll bet her a beer that she won’t kiss you. If she doesn’t do it then tell her you aren’t looking for a friend. If she doesn’t wanna move things forward then leave and don’t contact her again, she’s a waste of time. P.s don’t take advice from other women, women say things but mean the opposite. They give bad advice
Personally, when I was single, I learned to keep female friends as friends, and only date women once it established upfront that we were looking to date.
I learned trying to date people in a platonic situation is most unwise
Physical closeness is good but go slow. If you invade her space too much too fast , all you’ll do is make her feel threatened.
Don’t innuendo anything. Genuine honest CLEAN compliments are the way to go.
And don’t try to kiss her.
If things go well with the compliments and closeness , ask her if she’d be interested in getting to know each other in a more romantic way.
If she says no , back off entirely and don’t try anything else.
You can always start with the “what would you do if I kissed you?” or “what would you do if I touched you in your (non creepy place on body)”? That was if they say something like they welcome it, you’ll know the feelings are mutual
Playful, lighthearted teasing; genuine compliments, emojis or gifs, sweet gestures like buying flowers or coffee or a book they might like, hug cheek to cheek or squeeze their hand or rub their back when you hug, smile at them, offer to help them fix something or clean up, show them how to hold the pool cue, laugh at their jokes or tell some, open car door, carry bags, etc.
“hey, i really like you and i think i would love to see if we could be more than just friends”.
Forget innuendos, indirect comments and shit. Every successfull relationship (fwb or gf) i had was by being direct. Every time i tried the “subtle” game, it failed to even begin. Dont waste yours and the other persons time.
So first thing you should be doing is breaking the touch barrier, but it’s HOW you do it. You can clearly communicate interest and attraction without saying a word.
The movie hitch is a great example of this.
The scene where will smith is telling Kevin james how to touch amber Valletta, he talks about hand placement on her back. Too high, friends, too low? Just want to bang. The sweet spot is the small of her back, right as her hips start to curve, the bottom of your hand should be just barely resting on the start of that curve.
Do some digging and you can find other ways, but the point of this example is what follows.
It’s your job to CLEARLY act out your interest. That’s how you move, how you touch her, what you say, and how you say it. When you break the touch barrier, and have a ton of eye contact doing it, most women will feel attraction, if the base is there. Now don’t be a fucking creep, but LEAD. Lead the interaction, you can’t fumble and not know what to do.
Have a plan. Know where your taking her. Sit close, but not on top of her. Express you’re 100% comfortable with yourself subconsciously, which comes across as confident, and you’re golden. And be playful.
For instance if I’m walking next to a girl on the second date, I’ll gently bump my hip against hers playfully, pull her in close for a kinda side hug by her oblique, with a light brush of my hand against the small of her back ending with me taking her hand in mine.
Now I’m not doing this if she’s cold and stand-offish, but if I feel it, I do it. Pretty much guarantees a well received kiss at the end of the night if I continue that behavior.
I am just really curious about what physician closeness is…. 😂
Honestly if they’re not being flirtatious, touchy, etc then they probably don’t want to be intimate with you. There might be situations where sexual trauma and such had gone on and they’re not comfy with being more physical or intimate but imo if someone wants you in that way they’ll make moves to facilitate it.
Just be happy that you have a platonic connection with someone and leave it at that. Don’t throw away a friend because you’re not getting any – just keep looking for someone else that can provide whatever you feel you’re missing
Say “scared potter?” In the most scathing tone I can manage.