me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little over a year, hes the best partner i could ever ask for and i genuinely believe him to be my soulmate.
He called me earlier and asked if i’d be okay with him having sex with other people while in a relationship with me
i said maybe, it depended on who it was.
it was one of my best friends.
he said it was because they both have similar kinks and they both wanted them fulfilled, which i get, plus i have a much lower sex drive than him.
i would be okay with it being a one time thing but im still not sure.
im really upset about it because my friend is so much prettier than i feel i am.
im not necessarily opposed to it, under the circumstances that i know when it happened and what they did (not in intense detail of course)
what should i do
16 comments
This sounds like a bad idea that will just lead to insecurities on your end and possibly issues with both your relationship and your friendship with your best friend
Did they talk about it before he said anything to you bc if so that’s the biggest red flag I’ve ever seen.
Personally I would not be okay with that especially if you’re already feeling the way you are. If you’re gonna allow it you have to be 100% okay with no doubt what’s so ever or it might ruin your relationship.
He is immature and disrespectful and selfish. Who has that kind of conversation casually over the phone? Ringing you to tell you he wants to fuck your friend is bizarre. And all these kinks they have in common means they have been having intimate conversation behind your back. Opening up a relationship takes careful communication, time and maturity and he has none of those. He’s using you
He is trying to get a free pass to cheat on you/see if he is more compatible with your friend. If your friend knows this she isn’t your friend. Personally I would say leave him and leave your friend.
I don’t know your relationship dynamic so I gotta ask, do you think it’s acceptable they talked about their kinks and such in the first place? Because I’d dump them both if I found out my bf and best friend had such a deep discussion about their kinks and I’d dump them both even harder if they came to me asking for permission to hook up. Considering they talked about this already, I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t respect your wish not to hook up or to only do it once. Unless you’re fine with your friends talking with your man about this stuff, I’d have a long talk with the bestie too because it’s just gross to treat your friend’s bf like that
Oh god.
I am not against open/poly/semi-open/non-monogamous relationships. But this ain’t any of them. He is asking you if he can cheat on you with your permission. Your best friend? Seriously?
He is your soul-mate? He just rang you and said he wants to fuck your best friend because they are better suited. Does that sound like a reasonable thing for someone to do?
It’s one thing if he came to you in good faith and asked if you were open to having an open relationship and then discussing what that would look like and the rules and boundaries around that but that’s the furthest thing from what he did.
Don’t do this if you’re not a swinger. This is a very bad idea.
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Find a new boyfriend.
Just leave him… It’s not sounding good & it won’t end good, this is only the beginning of a huge regretful mistake like they say calm before the storm, my advice find someone else & better. Please unless you wanna cry & be mad & hurt gf in the relationship while he cheats!!
Wait. Stop.
Your boyfriend *called* you to discuss (hopefully ethical) non-monogamy?
Hard stop. This is an in person conversation and not a one nighter for most people, unless you each had a few years of experience with non-monogamy.
He just called you out of the blue and asked permission to fuck your best friend?
Why are your boyfriend and best friend even talking privately about their sexual kinks??
Sounds to me like they’ve already decided they wanted to hook up and just needed to convince you to give permission.
He’s absolutely trying to test if he’d rather be with her instead of you.
You may as well just kiss this relationship goodbye. It’s done like burnt toast now. On to the next one
Don’t you sound unsure. It would ruin your relationship n friendship and sounds like he might end up w her. You sound like you have low self-esteem. Love yourself and be transparent with what you want and don’t. It sounds like it might blow up in your face if you agree. At this point I think that if you don’t agree he might do it behind your back. Good luck.
I’m sorry, what? That’s not the best parter you could ask for lol.
And that’s definitely not your best friend.
You could not have a redder flag if you drenched one in all the blood that was spilled during the Holocaust.