About a year and ¹/2 ago I (17M) got really friends with who is the oldest friend (17F) I have in this town a moved to. By the beggining whe always were to shy about “us” we just got the things going like rlly good friends (since she was at an will-be toxic relationship) and I was getting rlly serious with a guy i’ve met earlier that year (I am bisexual), but it always had that weird feeling of “yeah, i thing i would date her”. Time passes, she dumps that motherfucker piece of shit (seriously he was like Joe from You but ugly), that guy and I both got separated and never talked again. We grow a bit more intimate and closer, just like siblings or some less weird term but never got into that point of… yk.
Between every mismatch we had, we finally talked abt dating and getting out, cuts to now and we’ve done a bunch of NSFW things, but cloth to cloth or skin-skin, nothing abt penetration or something even though we both did it in the past i told her that i wanted to do this with her when we thought it would be just sex but something cute, although sex can be romantic and sure as hell can be cute. We’ve had a bunch of dates and are exclusive to each other but we’re not boyfriends, but its not a fling and i really feel somenthing special about her, its not passion, it most likely to be ternure, confidence, loyalty, but i like her a lot, like i am indestructible, i feel comfortable around her, but whenever i thing about us and sex, i got weird and not a cool weird, like a weird weird, i get insecure and small. I am confident abt myself, my capabilities and body, I am open about my thoughts and feelings abt her and myself, but i just feel that no one can really understand me or neither wants to hear me like many did in the past.
Sorry about the big text and all, but i needed to express my self and how i feel abt all of this, pls if someone can just barely relate to me or knows smt abt, i would love to know! Am I broken or just scared of love?
2 comments
Maybe you are afraid of ruining everything by having sex? Do you think you have performance anxiety?
I think you should put at label on “us”. You may need commitmend. Ask her to be your girlfriend. You may not be comfortable, because you don’t know what you are for her.