Dates – Who pays? Why?

35 comments

1. When I dated, I always paid for the woman.

   It never changed. I would just stop dating the woman if things didn’t work out.

2. Normal circumstances usually imply the guy asks the girl out on a date which would indicate the man pays.

3. Guys pay for dates to impress.

   Never.

   No. None of it matters.

4. Equality. Split the bill and don’t feel bad about it.

5. How is this still a question? Everyone is working and making their own money, we are all equal and want to be treated equally, me paying for someone else is not exactly equal treatment, now is it?

   I’d pay for my girlfriend, sure. But not for a perfectly capable stranger.

6. I’ll pay but if she doesn’t offer I won’t be in a long-term relationship with her.

7. Break the never supported stereotypes!

8. Each dude pays for himself… or we just split the bill.

9. I pay. Even if she’s ugly

10. Traditionally always

    Modernly people ask if it’s cool to split or you might meet someone who expects it immediately in my past experience so it really depends

    Personally I used to ask if they are cool with splitting after I offer to pay since it was my idea to go

    All my dates gladly chose split bc they didn’t want to feel as if they owed me anything which I respected

    I’ve met some guys who are hellbent on paying on first dates no matter what she says which I think is aggressive af

    Middle of relationship is different though since we are together long term I’ll pay more often or we take turns

11. I always do and not because I feel like i have to but because I like to and that’s just the way I am 🤷🏻‍♂️

12. Why should anyone pay for dates?

    I get it that in past times men had money and women didn’t but that was a long time ago.

13. I’ll pay the first time, but not every time after the first.

14. The one who suggested the date, but as a man you’re kinda expected certainly on the first date.

15. First date without knowing if there will be more dates? We split the bill. Afterwards, when the ball starts rolling we each take turns paying until we lose track and stop caring

16. where i live people rarely go on dates, mostly having a drink. and thats each pays for their own shit.

    ​

    no expectations and it feel less cheap if both are paying

17. I would never pay for a date out of principal. I don’t enjoy being known as an ATM and I like to think I’m dating a strong and independent person, that doesn’t need handouts. If we both eat/drinking, we are both paying half. The only exception is if I consume a more expensive product, then I’ll offer to split it more fair (as in, we each pay what we got, instead of it being just half of everything).

    I use this as a way to select potential partners, because money (and it’s management) can be a deal breaker in relationships, and I want a partner, not a leech.

    In a committed relationship, things might change a bit. Sometimes I want to treat them to something, and I offer to pay (keyword offer, they can still ask for it to be split). The idea is that I’ve realised this is the person I want to be with, so I don’t mind investing to make us both happy. But again, this is not the typical going out, as those should still be split.

    I believe everyone should put equal effort (time, attention, love, money, etc.) in the relationship. We should strive for equality (although pure equality might be out of reach, we should at least attempt to get close). If not, the relationship will feel unbalanced and that’s when attrition gets in the way. Money fights, in my mind, are one of the most stupid fights you could have, so I try to avoid them.

18. If I ask someone out on a date, I pay. I am the one taking them out after all.

    Now if we are in a committed relationship, that’s really just going to come down to who ends up paying. Generally I will because I tend to have more disposable income than the women I date. And I tend to be the one taking them out still.

    And once you start living together these things matter a lot less because all of your expenses are shared anyways.

19. OP, perhaps it would make sense to ask peoole to include their nationality with their answers here. this topic is highly culture-driven.

    i’m Dutch. Splitting is the baseline here. But i’d pay if i invited her and set the location, on the first few dates. however, being expected to would be an instant turn off for me and there wouldn’t be any further dates.

20. Depends – If I invite to where I wanted to take her and can pay I pay

    If she does it and can she pays

    If one of us can’t or we agreed both on going somewhere we both want we split it

21. You can think of it as a game where you try to reveal some things about yourself and find out some things about your date.

    If you pay – what is the hint? Most likely that you are ok with taking care of expenses in this relationship.

    And this is just one of the questions that people find out during the date. Where do you take her (your financial level)?
    Do you decide where to go on your own or do you ask her (your leadership)?
    The list goes on…

    And then, of course, you take hints from her. Does she offer to pay her share? Does she order the most expensive drink etc.

    So there is no right and wrong answer, it’s a matter of your view on relationships and how you want to present yourself.

22. If it’s the first date the person that initiated it should pay. Then it should be split evenly, also considering the finances of each party.

23. DONT GO OUT FOR MEALS ON THE FIRST DATE.

    Problem solved.

    In my city its very normal to bar hop – I always buy the first round – if we make it to a second bar the normal thing is for them to get a round. Then you take it in turns from there.

24. i dont want anyone thinking they owe me anything. or thinking that i think they owe me something. same goes for drinks. too many girls going out without a penny in their purse just working the guys for drinks and wonder why the guys try it on with them. not to victim blame, but you go round scamming people there are consequences for any gender

25. If I asked, I offer

26. I don’t mind paying. I would like the gesture that she makes the offer or even makes a move to pay for the meal.

    Rarely occurs.

27. I don’t really care about other people’s arrangements, but, personally, I think the man should always pay and would advise women to leave someone who doesn’t foot the bill for a man who will.

28. who ever initiates the date should pay, and then the other person should offer at least or pay for the desserts if you go somewhere else after the dinner, or the activity that you do after the date. Really and truly you should take turns to pay

29. Whoever asked who out should pay but the other person should then always pay for the “popcorn” if that make sense lol

30. I’m on the conservative side, so I always pay. Sometimes the girl would reject the gesture in a polite way and insisit on sharing and that’s fine. And some would give me whole speech about equality, for these I just leave immediately

31. If it’s going badly I just go to the restroom and slip out the front door.

32. Share, unless one of you insists on paying because something that’s important to you.

33. I wanna say “the one who asked the other person on a date” but tbh I always end up paying for the girl. It would just make me feel like less of a man if I didn’t I guess. But if she doesn’t offer to pay and show gratitude I won’t mess with her anymore. When I was in a long term relationship we started splitting after a while. Not quite 50/50 but close enough. Like I pay for dinner and she pays for drinks later type of deal.

34. >Under what circumstances do guys pay for the date?

    Speaking for myself, as the one who pretty much always arranges dates, expect to pay the whole thing and come prepared to do so. Most of the women I’ve dated insisted on paying their share, so I end up splitting most of the time. Doesn’t particularly bother me. If it’s an activity, I’ve always covered it.

    >And under what circumstances would you ask for the bill to be split?

    I haven’t gotten to a point where I myself would ask to split tbh. If a girl asked me out for drinks or a meal, I’d most likely ask though.

    >Is this dependent on whether you like the girl? Does this change with successive dates? What factors play a role here?

    Nope. How I choose to pay is completely unrelated to and consistent between the women I’ve dated. Granted, I haven’t made it past a second date, so maybe I’m doing something wrong here 😅

35. Bro just pay it and skip the argument.