I’m about a month in my fitness journey at a boxing gym. I am usually paired with this man (33) for practices since we attend the same classes and close in proximity. We get along well and I often make him laugh due my facial expressions and natural humor. Though, I can’t shake off the notion of him having interest in me.
He playfully intimidates me and pretends to feel hurt after I give him swift punches during our drills (he wears protective gear). Not sure, but I guess he likes to see my reactions. Like I said I’m very expressive through my face.
I (29 f) do not have a lot experience with men. Heck I’m still in my journey of overcoming my fear of men due to harassment in the past.
Is he showing signs that he attracted to me? Thank you for your insights.
TL;DR
I am sensing that he likes me but I am not sure how to read his playful intimidation as interest or something else.
2 comments
It sounds like pretty harmless social flirting.
The background before I offer anything more is that I’m very very sorry you had experiences in the past that made dealing with me confusing/ frightening/ challenging. Obviously not your fault and my heart goes out to you.
That said, since you put it out there that you find some of the more basic man / woman interactions confusing, I’ll talk about things at a very basic level. I do not mean to offend or patronize, and if I do I apologize.
When a man is interested in a woman (or a man is interested in a man, or a woman a man, or … etc), they don’t typically go up and say “I like you. I want to date you. Will you be my girlfriend?” For obvious reasons. Before someone even wants to go to coffee with you, they want to get to know you a little bit. So the goal is to interact in low-key ways that let him tell you subtly that he’s interested. This way, each of you can start to gauge the other. If his comments are funny, and he seems to be paying attention to you, you may find him interesting. You may develop the beginnings of trust – at least the trust that allows you to go out to coffee with him. He sees if you respond and how you respond and he develops a sense of who you are. After a little social flirting, you go to coffee together. If taht’s fun, maybe you go to dinner. And so on.
That said, because this process is subtle it can be hard to read. If you feel he’s attracted to you, you’re probably right – but not definitely right. Your instincts will typically be right but not always.
He could be engaged in early social flirting. This means he’s at least slightly interested in you but that could change. Most people can engage in social flirting – and interest at this point doesn’t mean he will still be interested as you know each other better.
He could just be the type that flirts a bit with everyone. As long as this is respectful, there’s nothing wrong with it.
So the question now becomes – what do you want to do about it? If you like him even a little, and think you might be willing to have coffee with him, then let him know. Nothing major – just smile at his jokes, play off his actions, engage with him. If you’re definitely not interested in coffee, then you can go along, but keep it a little cooler and head home pretty straight after the classes.
Obviously this is much too big a subject to cover comprehensively here. Speaking from a place of kindness, I hope you are seeing a therapist who can help you sort through some of the confusion.
Good wishes to you and him.
He’s being friendly and enjoys your company. Clearly a good start. Perhaps it’ll lead to something. You could invite him to coffee.