I (25F) am seeing someone (38M) who became more than a friend in my eyes after a few years. Everything’s going well. I just need some advice on the subject.
For context, we both have kids in elementary/middle school, I became a mom at 16. Neither of us have been married although we did the family thing before. Ive been dating men his age since ive been 19, off and on. This feels appropriate but past experiences i looked back on not so fondly. TIA!
TL;DR I need some experiences with 13 year age gaps once you’re over 25 as the younger partner
1 comment
First, understand the most likely reason you’re preferring older men. They represent a stability you’re in need of as a single mother that (I presume) men your own age haven’t shown you.
That appearance can be a tricky thing: sometimes older men have that stability, other times they lack it. Sometimes they have it in one area (finances, for example) but lack it in another (say, emotional development).
That’s not to say that your age-gap relationship can’t work. But it’s important to keep clear in your mind that your preferences so far have been motivated by needs and impressions that might or might not have been accurate.
All that’s to say, focus on the individual across from you and focus on the things that actually make relationships work or fail: not his age, not his experience, but his outlook and his habits.
I’m in a very successful age-gap relationship. And I’d say the most important thing is, you both have to prioritize being good people yourselves: kind, patient, good humored, able to support one another in your careers and other interests. You need to have common goals.
That’s the same dynamic every relationship needs, regardless of ages.