We’ve been sleeping together for about a year or so and I’m crazy levels of into him, which is pretty wonderful. We talk alot about what we want, what we like and don’t like. It’s really positive.
We both know I’m the kinkier of us, and I’m OK with it being more vanilla if it means he’s into it, because really I get off on his pleasure.
More recently we talked about trying things we haven’t done before. He knows I have a vibrator. He’s been quite dismissive of it, which let me know he was a little intimidated that I can get off quite easily without him. Well now he’s on board with bringing it into play, but in the discussion he’s quite honest with me about not wanting to be replaced by a piece of plastic and that ideally can I bring one that’s not too big and not too phallic. I have a mains powered Hitachi which I think might be too much of a brute to introduce to him.
Can you suggest some not too intimidating clit stimulating vibrators that might be a gentler way to introduce him to toys? Or in fact some other way to put his mind at ease?
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The WeVibe Tango is a tiny little thing, and quite powerful for what its size. I prefer the Magic Wand to it, but the Tango isn’t half bad.
Re. making him comfortable, how about him using the toys on you? My toyed orgasms with my partner are stronger than my toyed orgasms alone. If it’s the same for you, you can be very vocal about it.
He needs to get over it. Toys are a wonderful addition
I would say constant reassurance from you would do the trick. Hopefully he warms up more to the idea of you using toys because its truly about you being pleasured and if he’s present during then he’s apart of the act. I’m into pleasuring who I’m with and when using toys I never felt threatened. I hope everything works out and I’m sure he’ll come around to the idea
Give him some advice and then have him go online and buy something for you on his own. Make it his toy that he’s using on you. That way he can get something he’s comfortable with, and he’ll feel like he’s part of things.
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I have a plethora of toys and they heighten my man’s pleasure too! I am obsessed with my we-vibe melt clit sucker, it’s slim and sits between us, and i use a couple’s vibrator which vibrates internally on his dick and against my gspot and on my clit. Toys are fucking amazing and once he sees how you get off with both him and toys at the same time hopefully he will see your pleasure and get over it.
Vibrators can be used on men too. I’ve used my wand on my mans penis plenty of times. I’ll do it when I get in a mood where I just want to pleasure him so I’ll often go down on him and jerk him off while using it as well. There’s also some nifty attachments you can put on the end of a wand for both men and women.
There’s also vibrating cock rings that you can just fit a small bullet vibrator in.
You can try suggesting a session where you both only use toys on each other. You can get a Fleshlight to use on him or something.
Or you could just have him pick something out that he’s comfortable with to use on you.
Either way, see if he’s open to being more “intimately involved” in the toy play and it could ease his mind and boost his confidence with toys. If not, he can always just use them on you instead.
Just came to say the way you’re approaching the situation is awesome and super understanding of his feelings.
I would agree with another poster here and suggest asking him to pick something out that he would be comfortable with, or you picking things out and asking if he would be comfortable with it (start small lol) and waiting until he agrees obviously. Maybe down the road you could move onto bigger and badder equipment but for right now that’s a great way to ensure nobody feels put out.
Ensure that he knows he is vital to you having a good time with it, and it’s not the same without him specifically.
I can’t understand the his logic, the vibratory is his assistant/friend in the bedroom to explore with you, not his replacement/enemy.
My wife and I have purchased a vibe or 2, and we have fun using it, be it as foreplay, or sometimes even during intercourse.
Explain it to him, that you not using it to replace him, but more than likely to spice things up, and add a lil spice into your foreplay/lovemaking.
There are lots of vibrating cock-ring options with varying levels of strength and stimulation. Who knows, maybe he will find out he likes vibration and you can explore that together further.
Someone else suggested that you let him go pick out a toy to use on you, and that sounds like a great idea so that he can choose what he would be most comfortable starting with.
It may be harsh, but I’d just tell him point-blank that assuming he can be replaced by a toy is just not going to happen, especially given that you state that giving him pleasure is pleasurable for you. Obviously, it is the connection you value, not just the orgasm.
But your request is about the shared experience. He is replacing himself with plastic when he is dismissive and doesn’t get involved in furthering your pleasure. I think that inviting him to be part of this and the fact he is open to trying this with you is a display of trust and vulnerability from both of you. I’d remind him of that; you’re both taking an awkward step towards each other, and even if it is uncomfortable, the fact it is even happening is great.
Hopefully, he can reframe how he sees sexual fulfillment; openness, and pleasure for both of you. Toys are tools for pleasure, they in no way replace intimacy unless allowed to do so.
A clit sucker toy is small enough to use while fucking and isn’t related to his dick. We have a blast with the one I bought for my wife (satisfyer pro 2). Cheap too, about $35 delivered from Amazon.
I really struggled with that—feeling bad that I need external stimulation or I simply wouldn’t finish. I’m scared to ask to use it because I don’t want the guy to feel like he’s not “doing the job,” so I and he think of it this way. He wants me to feel as much pleasure as possible, and him + vibrator does that. When he wants me to finish he’ll look me in the eye and tell me to get my toy. I hope your guy comes around because it’s incredible when he cares about you getting off, and puts aside his ego.