Long story short. I (33F) currently battling breast cancer. I will be start chemo soon. But I have a lot of surgical scars and the cancer really messed up my body too. I most likely will have both breast removed if the chemo treatment goes well.
I haven’t gotten dress or be naked in front of my boyfriend (37 m) for a while now. I know he still loves me no matter how I look. But I want to learn some tricks to keep my esteem boosted.
25 comments
Your strength and perseverance is what makes you beautiful! And I’m sure your bf sees it! Trust me, I’ve been battling many health issues myself and it’s about the mental connection between two partners that create the best physical attraction.
Embrace your physical beauty with confidence because I bet your bf loves you for who you are
Good luck and keep on fighting!
Oh my! You are a warrior! And to keep your esteem, i think you should directly confront your bf bout your insecurities. I mean i know you told he is cool with everything and loves you however you are but sometimes talking stuff out can really help eliminate that insecurity!
With loads of love and good luck wishes 💕
You just be yourself your partner will love you whatever and if he can’t then someone else will. Your beautiful for even considering that for what you are going through in my opinion
Just be you. You don’t need tricks or something like that.
Keep fighting and kick cancers ass!
Wish you all the best
I’m sorry, that sounds so tough to deal with. I have absolutely nothing helpful to say to you unfortunately, however I follow a woman on Instagram (@the_boob_battle) who has gone through exactly the same thing, go and follow her journey, it may help! Xx
Hey kitty!
Be open with your partner about your feelings. And be patient with yourself. You’re going through a big change so it’s understandable the feelings you’re having. But this is only temporary. You will feel confident, strong and sexy in your amazing body again!
If your boyfriend loves you no matter what. Just tell him often you love him
Hello fellow pink sister! I have no idea because I didn’t give two shits. You could wear different wigs, dress up and pretend to be someone else? Or you could just own it and be yourself. Either ways you do whatever makes you feel good. Hope your treatment goes well 💐
If he truly cares for you any scar from your treatments will be a turn on for him as they are a testimate to the kind of woman you are on the inside.
However I will tell you one key is to believe him when he tells you he finds you sexy and attractive. Don’t question it or think he’s just trying to be nice.
My wife have to have an emergency splenectomy a few years back. Due to the emergency need of it she had a scar from just below her breast to her belly button. Combine with her c section scar. It took a while for her to be comfortable I’m her own skin and believe that I still found her hot as hell
First of all, you’re amazing. Second, when I was/after pregnancy, my already plus sized body was just not feeling good enough to me. I found that some lingerie that hid whatever area I hated that week (belly, lower belly, boobs) made me forget about it, and he seemed thrilled about it.
Good luck!
My wife had both of her breasts removed with reconstructive surgery as a precaution due to the high risk gene she tested positive for, at 29 years old.
She, of course, has issues with this as well. I did everything I could to reassure her that I still thinks she’s sexy. After everything heals, her scars lightened up so they’re not as bad anymore. But they never bothered me because she’s still my wife.
Some things that might help you. Idk where you’re located, but we chose to drive 2.5 hours each way to go to the best plastic surgeon in the state. After a lot of research, and saw some not so good “after pics,” we decided that it was worth the extra time, money, and effort, for something that was going to be attached to her for the rest of her life.
FYI, my wife is telling me some things to say here – she said that “you’re going to have issues with accepting that this is your new body, and you’re going to have days that are rough. But it’s the same as looking at your body when you were 20, and looking it after 3 kids. It’s just not going to be the same, but that’s okay.”
I also bought here prosthetic nipples from the link below. You can get a mold made to match your nipples if you want. That helped her a lot during sexy time.
I’m very sorry this happened to you, and I hope everything goes well!
https://www.pink-perfect.com/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIn-3-tf7l-gIV9f3jBx3O2QsuEAAYASAAEgKkO_D_BwE
Could do the whole implant / reconstruction route.
Another that I saw was detailed tattoos that cover your chest.
Maybe both?
This would be after recovery though.
Good luck with your treatment
You are a warrioress, and that is always sexy. Endurance, vulnerability, resiliency, honesty, all sexy in my book. Scars are just signs you’ve lived a busy life.
My partner had a double mastectomy last year, she’s 27, I’m 27.
She’s now in remission and looking more beautiful everyday she’s healthy and happy. That’s all I need. My gf has body image issues now and I understand that but I can see straight through it.
First, I want to say that I’m sorry for what you’re going through. Second, I want to tell you something that I tell to everyone who talks to me about intimacy issues: by FAR, your sexiest organ is between your ears! Lastly, Google mastectomy tattoos. It might be something that you find both beautiful and powerful, and *feeling* sexy is a big step in the right direction.
Nothing is sexier than a fighter. U may not know it but I bet u are your boyfriend’s hero. And nothing is hotter than to have your hero say u are sexy and hot….just saying. Plus true beauty come from within
I recommend looking up the Look Good, Feel Better association – they help people with appearance related changes due to cancer treatments.
Link below for a list of countries they have services in
Lgfb.org.au/about-us/international-programs/
Good men get turned on by their women’s eyes. It gives them a view into the warrior within. Nothing is sexier than a beast that fought cancer and won, yes she came back with some scars. But scars show strength, they are your story. And your fucking story fought fucking cancer.
Nothing will ever be sexier to your husband than you eyes and your scars.
A girl’s smile can make her look more sexier than her body..
I bought myself new lingerie and took pictures. Also masturbated sometimes even if i didn’t feel like it. Just to have orgasms.
Be kind to your body and you! Chemo is a lot. Your scars are beautiful and you’re a warrior!!
Do what makes YOU feel sexy. Is it taking a bath before? Wearing perfume? Picking out sexy lingerie? Wearing a button up flannel?
Battle wounds are sexy it means that person is real and not fake .
Personally I feel sexy when I wear lingerie. Maybe for you it’s makeup or wigs or a Brazilian wax. I also feel sexy when I wear heels. Even if you’re not physically fit, learning acrobatic dance (silks, pole, lyra, etc) can be life changing. My boyfriend and I are kinky so roleplaying scenarios is fun. Sexual exploration is a journey not a destination.
Men are attracted to at least three things about women:
1. Physical beauty/characteristics.
2. Attitude.
3. Mental compatibility.
Six months after I stated dating the woman who would eventually become my wife, she was in a really bad car accident and almost died.
She has some facial scaring, scars under each breast where they put the air lines to re-inflate her lungs, and a scar running from between her breasts to below her navel.
I saw her three days after the accident in the hospital. It was bad.
That was over 30 years ago, and we’re still together (we’ve had ups and downs, but those have never been an issue.
The first issue is getting you through this. Survive the monster that is Cancer first. And yes, part of that is your mental state.
The US Navy SEAL BUDS training school has a 80 percent (more or less) washout rate. Some of the most perfect physical specimens in the US–Olympic athletes, college level football players–last 2-3 days, and then *voluntarily withdraw* by putting their helmet on the ground and ringing a bell.
A significant part of the reason why is that they focus on getting through the whole three months, not getting through the next hour, or the next evolution, or the next minute. They get overwhelmed and don’t quite grasp that things *will* get better, and usually within a short period of time. Then they’ll get worse again, and then better.
That’s how your cancer treatment will be.
So you need to *constantly* keep in mind that things WILL GET BETTER. They’ll get worse again, AND THEN BETTER.
Keep one eye on that horizon–the better place. Keep the other eye on WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO WIN. Talk to your doctor about *all the things* medical science tells you to do. If you can afford it, engage a therapist to help you with your mental state.
THOSE things will keep your spirits up, work on a positive attitude.
CLEAR THIS WITH YOUR DOCTORS, but make sure you’re getting exercise WHEN YOU CAN. There’s probably some strategic and tactical timing here, but WHENVER POSSIBLE get out side in the sun for at least 45 minutes a day and walk. Movement, especially outdoors, helps reduce anxiety and stress. Again, positive attitude.
Talk to your doctors about diet. They’re going to want to keep your caloric intake up, especially between rounds of chemo (this is chemo dependent), but drinking Ensure is a less than optimal way to do that. Figure out meal plans that fall into three buckets: Food you can tolerate, but are *really* healthy (lots of “good” fats and protein, actual “whole” foods with complex carbs/starches, low in simple sugars and “crap”). This is what you eat day to day.
Then figure out meals you *really like*, but are also really healthy. These are when you’re feeling crap from Chemo, but are feeling good enough to keep food down. These your Beau MAKES FOR YOU. Decent men like to solve problems, like to help our women. This gives him a way to help you and make you happy.
Then there’s the last type of meal. Your *favorite* stuff. Save this for when you’re starting to feel better AFTER chemo. As SOON as you feel better enough to make this meal, do it ALL up. Table clothes, good china, candle lights. etc. Make this *really* special and just for you and Beau. Over feed both of you, and sex is off the table THAT night, but the sharing of these special events.
There’s a fourth bucket, but it’s unsexy as hell–if you react strongly to the chemo you might not be able to keep things down. Figure out “food I can throw up without difficulty”. Sorry.
As to the physical side, lingerie, sexy clothing, wigs and hats, makeup etc. Do this for yourself to raise YOUR spirits. It will have a similar effect on him–it shows that you’re still thinking about the future and about the future *with him*.
And when it’s all said and done, and you’re in remission, then you can start thinking about reconstructive or plastic surgery.
Beauty, and the way we judge *ourselves* is about symmetry an ratio mostly. Sure people fixate on a mole, or a nose (that’s ratio, but at a smaller scale). You may feel better about yourself if you have some of the scars touched up or removed, or depending on how much breast tissue you lose–and whether or not it’s fairly even–surgery might very well be called for.
Another story, somewhat funny this time. I had occasion to overhear a Playboy photographer talking to an editor about just finishing a photo shoot with the triplets (this was in the 90s). He had done their first shoot, and they had taken the money from that and all gotten boob jobs. Which was a shame because they looked fine to begin with, but his complaint was that they were *bad* boob jobs, because he had trouble getting the nipples to line up when he was shooting…
So if it comes down to that, don’t skimp. You’ll be wearing them for the rest of your life, and amortized out over 40 years, it’s worth spending well.