Update: I cut my best friend off because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it

42 comments

1. Well, even though I am not really up to date on why you cut off your best friend, but all I know is, a significant other who would coerce their partner into cutting off their best friend is a piece of shit. And someone who would fall for it and actually cut off their best friend is even a bigger piece of shit.

   All I really gotta say is you made your bed, you gotta lay in it.

2. Pro tip: if someone demands you get rid of your support network, they are a piece of shit and you should get rid of them instead.

3. >I guess I’m wondering if there is any possible way to fix things with him

   Nope. That ship sailed the day you ignored his pleas, sided with your wife and somehow convinced his other friends to ditch him too.

   You, your wife and your ‘friends’ are garbage.

4. Dude, why? Why break up with your wife? You both suck, you’re perfect for each other.

5. I worry this post is just an attempt by you to guilt him into forgiving you, since you know he’ll likely see it. I hope not.

   Either way, you’re clearly having a difficult time, so here’s what I’d say: You definitely fucked up, and it seems like it’s going to be one of those fuck ups that you can’t fix, but there’s not much more you can do than *really* reflect, realize the harsh reality of what it says about you, and move forward doing better.

   Your divorce is probably for the best. Know that one half of the kids parenting will come from the woman who put this all into motion, so you’ve got a responsibility to set an alternative example for them. Hopefully someday you find someone who brings the best out in you instead of the worst, it’s important ❤️

   You’ll be okay, just don’t let this fuck up be for nothing. Learn the lesson, live your life.

   I feel bad for your ex friend, but from the sounds of it, he deserves better and I’m confident he’ll find it. Maybe it’s better he knew how things really were so he stopped wasting his energy where it wasn’t deserved.

6. >I’m wondering if there is any possible way to fix things with him.

   I mean I highly doubt it. Maybe if you kick your wife to the curb immediately and start divorce proceedings, it would convince him you’re serious? But you’re not serious, because it sounds like you still want to be with your wife and still don’t think she did anything terribly wrong. If you were truly remorseful and have come to understand the gravity of her shittiness, you would have already sent your wife packing, but in your original post you spent almost all your replies making excuses for her, and now in this post you’re sad because she’s mad at you and you guys MIGHT break up.

   You feel guilty because now everyone’s mad at you, but you still haven’t really learned anything.

7. There’s not much you can do except owning your mistake, the rest is up to your friend and you need to respect that he doesn’t want anything to do with you at this point.

   There’s lots of should haves and could haves here but ultimately you are where you are now, just learn from your mistakes and do better/make better choices moving forward.

   Your wife sounds like an unreasonable person so it shouldn’t be shocking that your marriage is dissolving. Personally, I see that as positive for your future and it’s better for it happen now than ten years down the line.

8. I remember your first post, and I’m not surprised at this update. You fucked up, big time. Your wife sucks, big time. You might not be as nasty as her, but at the very least you’re a spineless coward who hitched your wagon to someone being unfathomably cruel. I can imagine how hard it would be to even consider forgiving you from his perspective. You sold him out, in the worst way, and with his background, loyalty would be one of the most important things in the world to him. I mean fuck – looks like you hurt him more than his cheating ex – at least he’s willing to talk to her.

   I don’t know if you can ever fix this, even just enough to be in contact with him. I guarantee you it won’t happen while you’re still married to such a horrible person. I know for me, if I were him, I wouldn’t give you the time of day while you were still giving her the time of day. Not saying you should divorce her to make amends with him, or that it would even do the trick, just observing that she’s shown her true colours and you’ve so far shown that it isn’t a deal breaker for you. I’d always be wondering what she’d manipulate you into next.

   As for your family and the rest… I dunno, I mean you have shown that you will just cut family loose, cruelly, for no reason, and burn their bridges with a loved on as a result. You pretty much shat on family ties and trust there. Maybe they’ll move on enough to be cool with you, but you’ve really shown what you’re willing to do to family here, I don’t know if that trust will ever be repaired.

   Sorry to not be more upbeat. I’m just not sure what you expected after being so incredibly cruel to someone you supposedly loved, for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

9. Oh my God. I had not read your last post- until just now.

   It broke my heart into a million pieces. Your wife is a cruel nasty judgmental person and you’re just as bad. I’ve been married a long time and I love him more than anything in the world, but if he made a demand like this it would change things between us-possibly end it. Not because my friend is more important to me than my husband, but because I couldn’t respect or stay with someone that cruel.

   Leave him alone and stop making posts on reddit about it because people like you and your wife are just trying to get the message to him that you’re “so sad, so hurt” hoping he will see your pain and forgive. You’re not looking for any advice from us here, you just are hoping he sees this. You and your evil wife feel guilty now and just want your own pain diminished. It’s not about him, it’s about relieving your own damn guilt and I’m sorry but you don’t deserve to have his forgiveness. It’s all about stopping the pain for you, not about making ammends. Even in guilt you two are selfish.

10. I read your previous post. I think your wife came up with the dumbest reason to ditch a friend i’ve ever heard. You truly are a piece of shit “friend”. Do him a favor and don’t inject yourself into his life again. You have showed him how little you care about him. He deserves better friends. Divorcing your wife is a no brainer.

11. Just read the other thread. Go fuck yourself OP.

12. >I guess I’m worried he’ll give her another chance and she’ll hurt him again

    I’m *pretty sure* he’s thinking the same thing about you. Poor guy is just surrounded by jackasses

    You’re a grown ass man. You ***chose*** to abandon your friend. Your wife didn’t manipulate you stop trying to pass the blame. Yes she sucks but you need to live with the consequences of ***your*** decision

13. Why are you worried about him probably being betrayed, when he has been betrayed by you in the most cruel way and without reasonable reason. He will be happy, not you, your wife is just a miserable snake and you don’t deserve any name.

14. What a bunch of disgusting vile heartless monsters.

    I hope S recognizes that these degenerates never deserved his kindness & friendship. They were lucky to have him not the other way around.

15. Sorry mate, I read his comments on your post and his post and it sounded like there was no chance.

16. I remember your first post as the most fucked up thing to do to a friend I’ve read on this sub.

    No, I don’t think there’s any possible way to fix things. It doesn’t matter how remorseful you are, I can’t see how he could forgive and trust you again. It wasn’t a mistake that gets fixed with apologies, it’s fucking horrible and I can’t imagine how he must feel. You’re worried about his cheating ex hurting him again, but the poor man must have felt so horrible that even having her back in his life sounded like a good option, someone to cling on to.

    Also, you divorcing your wife is not what people “want”, but I don’t understand why anyone would want to stay married to such a vile person.

17. Even if it is a bad idea for him to reconnect with his ex girlfriend, you’re literally the last person on earth allowed to judge him on that. You literally took away every single person in his life from him. So when he’s left with only the scraps you can look to yourself. He’s doing what he needs to do to survive, you’ve pushed him that far. You are not the main character, you don’t live in a vacuum, your actions affect others and hiding your choices behind your wife’s awful bullshit won’t absolve you from the part you played. I feel so so sorry for this man. And I hope karma comes for you.

18. He’s better without you

19. I hope you know your wife never regretted what she did. She pretended that when things got bad, but she was happy with the outcome.

    As your ex friend, the only mistake he would commit was accepting your apologies. I could understand you in a moment of despair try to please your wife, but when he talked to you, if you really were a good friend, you would take it back on the spot. I can’t imagine my best friend cutting me because of a spouse and I can’t imagine they going along with it so coldly, like you did

    Also your friends are a bunch of aholes. They isolated someone because of your wife ultimatum and that shows how little they value friendship. The ex is better without you. He will recover and will be fine eventually.

    As for you and your “lovely” wife I am not surprised that the marriage is ending. No one that wants to cut someone for no good reason is a decent person. Cut your losses, start again and be a better person next time.

20. You’re the one person who he thought would’ve been there for him & You turned your back on him. You broke his heart & trust.

21. I’m going to advise people to not read the other post. I’ve read some horrible things on reddit but that was heartless. So bloody heartless.
    I regret reading that. Just ruined my night.

    You and your wife shouldn’t bring children into the world. You would be raising monsters neither of you are capable of the emotional maturity that children need to grow into decent human beings.

    It goes to show how shitty you are considering the type of people your friends are. I can’t believe that chose you and your pos wife over that guy.

    Do the guy a favour pay him back for his wedding gift and contributions. He did that with a false belief that you were friends

22. Blimey. So you did all this pandering to your wife and ended up losing everything including that twat – which you don’t see now but is the only ray of light in this entire shitshow. Not just that but her own stupid plans to create the TV perfect family blew up in her face. What a dumbo. I was actually thinking about you earlier this morning funnily enough, I randomly remembered your previous post. I really had hoped your friendship had been fixed. All I can say is that over time he might rethink it but you need to leave it alone now and let him decide the course of the future.

23. You and your wife are garbage people and deserve each other and that is it so the fact that your marriage is broken Is laughable cause maybe if you realized that earlier you’d still have your best friend

24. He’s not gonna want to be friends with you again as you’re still with your wife and all the other so called friends who dumped him too. Either your wife is controlling and is jealous of your friendship or she’s a hateful snob. I’d think twice about having kids with her. Maybe through time he can forgive and you two can be friends again and you can try and make amends. But I very much doubt he’ll want to hang about with your wife or other friends. You will have brought up again all the hurt and rejection he has from childhood. I can only imagine how he feels.

25. I am disgusted with you more than your wife especially after I read the first post you made. He was never loved as a kid and you were literally the only family he ever knew. How could you do this to him? You chose a manipulative sht bag of a woman who talked to you about potential children………. Y’all aren’t pregnant yet not that that would’ve justified what you did. The world is filled with billions of people who have sad backgrounds and so many of their stories are super inspiring. How would their innocence have been robbed? Especially when babies can’t comprehend anything articulated. Then as an older child you could’ve had a conversation with him about your feelings to not share until kid is older. That’s complete bs what you did to him. Now you have to live with the consequences. FYI her goal was to isolate you and it worked. I hope he forgives you for his own sake. I also hope he never entertains the idea of letting you back into his life because honestly you never deserved a friend like him. You treated him like an unloved shelter dog that you can just return if they are not wanted anymore. He is amazing and worth his weight in gold, you and your wife….. I don’t even have to say it. You and her deserve each other

26. Save your emotional speeches for someone who gives a fuck, we dont.

27. Leave him alone and stop making posts in the hope he’ll see them. Your guilt isn’t his responsibility.

28. What a spiteful horrible woman your wife is
    What a spiteful group of people you really are
    Leave him alone you done your damage
    Do your future kids and there friends a favour don’t have them. With a wife like that will mess up the kids her own way.
    Spiteful spiteful you all need to grow up

29. was this search for forgiveness kickstarted before or after your wife “felt bad”

30. No, S is not your “best friend” and you don’t get to make judgments about whether he is making a mistake.

    You destroyed all that.

    Best result you can hope for is that you do some soul searching and grow as a person and learn how to be kind and loyal to your mates instead of a cruel spineless mongrel (note to Americans in here this is an Aussie expression it has nothing to do with race so don’t at me.)

31. OMG just shut the hell up, dude. You and your wife are garbage human beings and you deserve all of this. Leave your “friend” alone. He’s better off without you in his life – obviously.

32. This does put a smile on my face.

33. >He found my post and sent me a message telling me he didn’t care if I was remorseful he’s done with me.

    This is your answer, right here. You’ve expressed remorse, you have (I hope) apologized, and your ex best friend has decided to wash his hands of you. At this point, you need to leave him alone, let him live his life, and strive to be a better person going forward. Maybe, someday, he will decide to forgive you. But you will never have the relationship you had with your friend before you betrayed him. Never.

    >He also told my parents what happened and the reasoning behind it. They were pissed to put it lightly. They’ve been pretty open about how much they are disappointed in me and how they are disgusted with my wife.

    As well they should be. You not only tanked YOUR relationship with your ex friend, you ruined their relationship with him as well. For both his and your parents’s sake, I hope they work that out between themselves and have a good relationship going forward without you.

    >The only other thing I’ve really heard is that he is speaking to his ex again.

    Not your business. Stay out of it.

    >It seems she just didn’t like him and wanted him gone. She used the potential of us starting a family to make a move to remove him.

    Yup, she was jealous of your connection to another human being and used it to destroy your friendship and the friendships he had with your mutual friends. And you allowed that to happen.

    >I don’t see any real way to fix things but I guess I’m wondering if there is any possible way to fix things with him. If anyone has any advice I’d appreciate it. I miss him more than anything.

    No, there is not.

    More to the point, you’re still focused on your own selfish desires. Aside from your passing concern for your friend re his ex, your entire post is about how this is affecting YOU. YOUR friendship, YOUR relationship with your parents, YOUR marriage, YOUR sense of loss. There’s not much here about how his is affecting him, nor is there any concern for how he might feel about the idea of rekindling a friendship.

    You and your wife destroyed a man’s social circles and deprived him of long-term connections with people he cared about because your wife…. a terrible person, let’s be clear… could not fathom being friends with a foster child. And instead of standing up for your friend, you were complicit in the whole thing. You do not deserve to be his friend. If he ends up reading this, though, I’d ask him to consider contacting your parents. They, unlike you, seem to care for your friend a great deal.

    If you want to make amends, work on yourself. Work on being a better person. Make sure that this terrible behavior never repeats itself.

    And maybe find a way to help foster kids, as you’ve done a former foster child terribly wrong.

34. Leave him alone.

    You have hurted him beyond repair.

    I usually try to have some empathy for people who fed up but you are the exception.

35. Wow this post shows just how selfish and self-centered you are

    Go fuck yourself guy

36. Your wife should never have children and honestly neither should you. What despicable people.

37. You are terrible, that guy is better off without you.

38. Continue hating yourself for it. Stop calling him your best friend btw.

39. Actually u/throw_crappyfriend lemme put this in better perspective for you. When I was growing up, I WAS S. I’ve been through some shitty fucking things in my life. The only reason I’m still here is the man I met when I was 14. He quickly became, and still is, my VERY best friend. He’s my sons godfather and my favorite sibling. My ex husband, who I met in high school a year after I met Sammy, never liked him. Always made that known. Hell sammy didn’t like him but Sammy was happy for ME because he knew I needed somebody. When we had our son, Sammy was so happy for US. We eventually got married, and Sammy was happy even though he regularly communicated with me how he was unhappy with how my ex treated me. When I decided to leave him, Sammy was there for me. When I lost custody of my son, Sammy was there for me. Sammy met his now wife a few months after we met. My now boyfriend and I have a TBD double date with them this month to go see my favorite movie in theaters. (Sammy and his wife’s first time, my bf’s second as he hates this movie with a PASSION but I’ve loved it since my theater club in high school mentioned doing it for the school play. Didn’t happen as it’s a little NSFW, but anyone familiar with it will know!) my last relationship was a dumpster fire and who was there to help me pick up the pieces? Sammy. My ex actually mentioned a couple times that maybe I should end my friendship with Sammy. Did I tell Sammy I could never talk to him again and he’d never see my son again? Absolutely not. I laughed in my ex’s face and told Sammy that ex thought he was funny. Sammy May as well be my big brother. The fact that you so willingly dumped S FOR NO FUCKING REASON breaks my heart for him. But he really is better without you. He was never YOUR best friend. You were just his while it was convenient for you.

40. Good. Keep drowning in self pity. You deserve all of this. I guess karma does sometimes work

41. You say he’s making a mistake going back to his ex. I’m sure he would say he’s simply choosing the lesser of two evils.

42. what a fucking joke of a best friend are you?
    And now your sad?
    Imagine how he feels!