Was sleeping with this guy for a while up until recently, and he has always been quite into anal stuff (on me)… I’ve always said no to anal because I’ve never done it and don’t really have a desire at this point to do it, and he’s mostly respected that until the last time we had sex. He had asked a couple times if we could try it and I said no, and then next thing I knew he was putting it in there…
It was really shocking and awful, and it hurt. I quickly jumped up and was really upset, and he claimed it was an accident. I kicked him out because I felt so angry and violated. He hasn’t really apologised properly since, has only said that it was just as shocking for him too and how he was upset by the whole situation…. It feels a bit like he doesn’t want to be the bad person or say sorry.
32 comments
No it’s not that easy and he obviously just didn’t care about your boundary… he’s the bad guy, don’t let him make you think otherwise.
No I don’t think it’s an easy mistake depending on the position it can be a little easier, but still shouldn’t be possible if the other person is being considerate and careful. I’ve never made that mistake. You should be cautious with one another and check in often on how the other is feeling.
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It really depends.
If the lighting is good, everyone is sober – no way in hell. If the lighting is poor, people are not sober, sex has been going on for a minute… then it can happen.
My wife and I do anal. It’s not her favorite thing by any stretch of the imagination, but if she’s in the mood, she can have incredible orgasms from it. Once in a blue moon, she’s all about it. Awesome. I never, ever ask for it; I let her take the lead.
Except I can think of three times in our marriage (27 years married, 30 years together) where full accidental anal penetration has happened. One time where we had full on sex; she thought I wanted it, and decided to just be submissive and let it happen. I thought she was just tight at that angle (we had gone a coupe rounds, changed positions, etc).
And there have been a few times that I’ve fumbled around in the dark to line things up and she’s say – “hey, wrong hole”.
Now, if he’s ASKING if he can do anal, you say no, he still does anal? I find it incredibly hard to believe that is an accident.
But accidental anal absolutely CAN happen.
Depends on the position. In missionary, no way. In piggy it does happen to us because I’m much taller. She just tells me I’m pressing the wrong hole and I just knock on the next door, lol. It’s not that we don’t do anal, but never without preparing and lots of lube.
Accidentally aim, hell yeah, they are very close together. Aiming at the wrong one is genuinely easy. Pressing hard against it, yeah, even give that a pass in some positions.
Just like having sex with your leg lol
Accidentally actually get it in, hell no.
No, it is not an easy mistake. Period.
It can but given all the other context in your post it most likely wasn’t. He’s been testing your boundaries for awhile and doesn’t seem to respect them.
It’s possible to get it against there and maybe tip in. But much harder to “accidentally” get it all the way in.
Its only happened to me twice in the last 11 years and was with my first gf and didnt know what I was doing yet..pulled out too far and then stabbed her butt. Nowadays I cant imagine doing that
This wasn’t an accident. He’s always been into anal but knew you weren’t interested, he kept asking which, by itself is a no, and then coincidentally he did it anyways without your consent “by accident”.
We’re not talking about being drunk as fuck or high with poor judgment, lighting, and horny as hell. And even in that case, one would be able to realize pretty quickly that there’s something wrong going on.
Please don’t hang out with this guy again and don’t let him gaslight you or give him the benefit of the doubt. The fact that he kept asking when you had already said no is a red flag by itself. No means no. Walk away, he has no respect for you and your boundaries.
Now we’re asking the real question
Yeah not really accident. Brush up against maybe a little tap at the back door because of Aiming incorrectly. But your guy seems to like anal and honestly tried to push a boundary you have. You can accept it’s a mistake and move one, you can talk to him and say no don’t do that again. First two are if you want to keep seeing him. Personally, you break one of my boundaries I am running for the hills.
I’ve never put it in the wrong hole. Never
I’m 50+ years old.
My wife doesn’t mind anal but I can say in the heat of the moment I have genuinely hit the wrong hole but it’s always a rapid awareness, an extraction, and an apology. Certain positions can lend to that happening. I would never have a wrong hole accident on purpose but I suspect many people do it on purpose then call it an accident.
TL;DR: Yes, it can be an actual accident
Just adding my two cents: I’ve had it happen legit accidentally 3 times in my 14 years having sex. 2 of those times hurt so bad that I cried for a good 5 minutes. Like a cartoon, I jumped out of my skin and grabbed my butthole because it felt like it was on fire. One of the times was uncomfortable, but I think I was a little more relaxed and it wasn’t as bad…. but not good at all.
With all the other details you mentioned, There’s a good chance this wasn’t an accident. Just wanted to say that it can happen.
Short answer – no. Long answer – still no.
While I have no idea if your situation was and accident I can say it is definitely possible to make this mistake.
I’ve reached down to “put it in” and I’ll hear from my wife “wrong hole” and I’ll have to make an adjustment.
I can perform anal whenever I want but don’t really enjoy it myself so when I make the mistake it is definitely an honest mistake as I’m much prefer the other hole.
It can happen but that doesn’t seem like what happened here.
I have never purposely jumped holes. I have some insight into how it feels. I would never do that on purpose. Not to my worst enemy. Not even when wasted fucking drunk.
And yet it has happened. The area is slimy. The anatomy lends itself well toward penetration. In that hole as well. Butthole is directly adjacent. It has happened.
If it’s blatantly on purpose call it rape because it fucking is. Do not support the idea that it can never happen on accident.
If it was an accident he would have been fucking you and with no change in pace whatsoever his
dick would have entered your ass.
You would have been in excruciating pain. If anything about this “accident” was slow….. he’s lying.
Context is everything here.
Having a quicky, or aggressive doggy style, especially if some intoxicants are involved… Sure it’s possible.
But, combine the “accident” with his wants/complaints before. Then add in his non apology apology.. And it doesnt sound like an accident.
The only time that is possible is if you are close together and it slips out and you are trying to put it back in without moving.
As for if slipping in that would also depend on how frequently you have anal sex. I don’t do anal either so it doesn’t just slip in.
My opinion is that he asked and then thought after asking he could get away with it. It wasn’t an accident.
Not an accident. Dump him. Keep him dumped. No contact. Sorry this happened to you.
That wasn’t an accident. That was him seeing how far he could go with you despite your no’s.
Don’t wait for an apology. Just block him.
I am an anal aficionado and have had genuine accidental slips into the wrong hole while in the throes of passion, which i immediately apologize for and depending on my partner either go do a quick clean or swap the condom before resuming business as usualz but these instances can be counted on a single hand over the course of my 20 year sexual career (m 34y.o.)
There have been times where the accidental slip turned into a “actually..keep going” type of scenario which is always a cool surprise, however I never, repeat, never intentionally insert anally without prior consent or verbalized acknowledgment of anal being an accept option on the table.
Depending on his response immediately following, would give more insight to whether it was genuinely an accident or not..
But long story short, yes it can happen easily if one loses focus, which can happen when things get hot and heavy.
Yes.
There’s literally only 1in-2in distance between holes depending on the person, if you’re not paying attention it’s actually super easy to slip and hit the back door.
However, in your case it was probably deliberate.
No. It’s not. If it actually was an accident ( incredibly doubtful because he’s been asking for it), he should have apologized profusely. Based on the situation, I (43M) say he did it on purpose. How you proceed is up to you, but I don’t fuck people who don’t respect my hard limits.
One time in the shower going fast from behind this legitimately did happen. My girlfriend was in so much pain she almost passed out and I felt terrible. It was not her favorite birthday…
That being said, I apologized profusely and spent the rest of the day working through her belief that I had done that on purpose. The silence he’s giving you is bullshit
He asked and you said no and he didn’t want to respect that. Its attempted rape plain and simple. If there wasn’t a history of him pushing for it and if he’d immediately profusely apologized I wouldn’t say it.
But run. Really.
No.
There’s a lot going on in a pretty tight spot, but you immediately feel that the angle is wrong and there is absolutely no “easy slipping in”. Without preparation it will fell like the man’s banana gets peeled. Aparently this is by far the #1 reason for ruptured frenulums
Still think “naw, it can happen”? Does a man, when he fingers a woman, just “accidentally” finger the wrong spot? Ever? Naw – come on – we know the general geography, such accidents aren’t credible at all. We might play front and back, but we VERY WELL know, where we are and there’s no accident ;o)
Anal can be great when both are into and prepare for it, though
Guy here. Not accidental.