Hi all, I am gay for the record.
I was dating Guy A back in November. We went on 5 dates total and it was nice to have convos with him. Neither of us initiated a kiss or any physical intimacy.. he is very successful, ivy leaguer, sober, longterm focused, wanted kids.
December came and it was holidays and our texting fell through and I met Guy B and we got into a 6 date situationship – which ended in the beginning of February because we were not compatible longterm and he was wildly chaotic but physical intimacy was spot on.
While things were ending with Guy B, Guy A initiated convos and asked me out on a date. I said I am not ready right now but in a few weeks I’ll be in a better mental state (I was also transitioning jobs at the time).
Now it’s been 2 months… and though our dating was lukewarm and he is attractive but not the most attractive and we both were shy when it came to physical contact – a part of me is wondering if I should reach out to him because he is stable and into me and wondering if the physical part will come along.
Do you think it’s fine to go on a few dates with him to reevaluate how I feel about him? Or should I move on? Not sure if it’s fair to him to ask him out on a date to just see if I am feeling anything towards him.
7 comments
I think both are ok? Flip a coin, and if you don’t like the outcome, then you know what you actually want to do.
It sounds like no one was a jerk last time, your communication just faded out around the holidays. So if he was game to give things another shot in February, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with reaching out now.
(Although I think a quick “Hey, sorry I didn’t get back to you earlier…” might be in order.)
>our dating was lukewarm and he is attractive but not the most attractive and we both were shy when it came to physical contact
Do you find that your initial level of attraction generally stays the same as you continue to date someone? If so, maybe it’s best to take a pass.
If on the other hand, you’ve found your sense of attraction can deepen, it might be worth it to see him again. Although in that case you should consider taking the initiative on physical contact.
Sounds like you’re considering because he’s good on paper and into you; while they’re both traits you’d want your partner to have, but the question at the end of the day is: are you into them as well? I would say, seeing you’re wondering about this, I think one date wouldn’t hurt.
A big difference is that Guy A was sober. No alcohol definitely slows things down physically.
Try another date, but can you pick a more physical activity? Something that will make yall touch each other? Like dancing or an arcade? Or something more casual sexy feeling like a comedy club or cooking class?
Sometimes you have to work to find the right environment to build chemistry.
Are you sure the guy is into you?
I think it’s fair to give him a second chance and to re-initiate things. If chemistry-feelings grow, then they grow 🙂 A lot of cities have ‘learn to dance’ nights – it’s a fun, easy option for a date, and conveniently requires you to physically connect – it can sometimes be useful to break that ‘touch’ barrier that sometimes doesn’t happen the first or second (or third) date.
So Guy A reached out and you asked for a few weeks, but you haven’t reached back out nor has Guy A reached out?
I think he is waiting on you. I think you should reach out and suggest a date. Also, just because someone is successful doesn’t make them a Dom or Top, by which I mean, don’t wait for Guy A to make all the moves. If you like him, show it.
And don’t focus too much on “sparks” because sparks either start fires that burn the house down, or fizzle out.