At first I thought this would be cool and add something to our sex (not that there was anything wrong with it before) she said she was getting a vibrator for when I wasn’t around. She began to use this more and more during our sex and now everytime we so much as start kissing she gets this fuckin vibrator and starts working away. She has bought more toys and I no longer enjoy sex for the loving closeness that it should be. I feel like I have just become another toy she uses to get her off. I miss when it was her and me kissing and feeling close and cumming together. Thoughts?
27 comments
Communicate. Tell your partner how you feel. Try to compromise.
Yes always communicate first tell her your feeling. Toys too often does desensitize u and u eventually will depend on them to get off fully. Try communicating and maybe try to faze it out.
then when I talk about toy dependence and desensitisation I get downvoted and almost insulted…meh. Go have an honest conversation with her about this, it is the only thing you can do.
Show her this message…
I started the same way, 25 years ago, bcz it sped up the cumming process, as well as made it possible for multiple orgasms. It also felt good to masturbate for his pleasure!
Now, I’d have to go to detox bcz I cannot have sex without it…I hope I’m the exception, not the rule.
I guess I don’t understand this because unless my husband goes down on me, he uses the vibrator on me. You need to remember that more than half of women can’t orgasm from anything besides clitoral stimulation. Does she use the vibe on herself or do you use it on her? If she uses it on herself, try using it on her. Maybe offer to go down on her before having penatrative sex. Women deserve to cum during sex too.
Edit to add: You mention that there was nothing wrong with your sex before the vibrator was added. Are you sure? Maybe you feel there was nothing wrong with it, but she doesn’t feel that way. Was she finishing during sex before the vibrator was added? To me, it sounds like she wasn’t, and now that she is finishing she doesn’t want to give that up. Literally just communicate with each other. The one thing that makes sex amazing in my opinion, is communication. Good luck!
So it sounds like the issue here isn’t that she uses sex toys to get off, but that (1) you feel like she’s disconnected from you when she’s blissing out on the vibrator and (2) she goes *right to it, every time* so you basically never get to feel that connection or feel like what she wants is *you*.
That blows, man. Just remember that the vibrator isn’t the problem. The problem is that she’s really excited about her new toy and letting it get in the way of intimacy. You need to communicate and be willing to upset her but also willing to listen. In other words, be prepared for her to think *you* are the one being selfish, and to accept the fact that *physically* sex with you AND the vibe may feel about 500 times better for her than sex did before. You have to accept and respect that and encourage her to enjoy it. But she also has to step back and work to recover some real intimacy and connection.
only way someone can take my toys away from me will be from my cold dead hands
talk to her in her mind shes still fucking u lol why dont u reach for the vibrator and fuck the absolute hell out of her with it lol like talk to her tell her u love ur sex life but sometimes u just want it to be u and her ive never thought of toys as something id have to go against i encourage any partner to cum as much as they need lol
>I miss when it was her and me kissing and feeling close and cumming together.
Are you really sure you were both cumming?
I’m going to assume she wasn’t getting off when you guys had sex before introducing the vibrator, or maybe she did but it wasn’t very often. Get her off every time before it’s your turn and maybe she will be more willing to put away the vibrator. Most women like myself can’t get off without clit stimulation, and we want to orgasm just as much and as often as a man does….
So I think there are two sides to this.
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You should absolutely be able to enjoy kissing and closeness!!! Honestly I think a lot of us skip the kissing and closeness part and get to the junk-touching part too quickly, toy or no. You should tell her that you’d like to spend more time kissing and touching one another before getting to town. Maybe also do more making out while you guys are still clothed and things like that?
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It’s also totally fine to have a conversation like, I’m not against the toys but I miss some body-against-body time with nothing between us, can we work that more into our sex lives? And the way you describe feeling like another toy she uses to get her off–is there enough focus on you and your pleasure? You can also ask for some more of that before you guys get down to business.
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But she probably also either wasn’t having orgasms before or they weren’t that great–I think you do need to accept that the toys are here to stay for the “her orgasm” part of the encounter.
try writing her a message instead of strangers on the internet. why the fuck do people do this.
Sometimes I crack up at these posts.
Step 1 is always to talk to your SO about how you feel. If it doesn’t work come ask advice. Or, if you want to know how to open the discussion make a post.
It’s like having a problem with your work computer and calling IT before the good ol restart attempt.
I hate to ask, but are you 100% sure you were ever climaxing together? She may have not wanted to hurt your feelings. Many women require a lot of external stimulation to finish.
It doesn’t sound like the toy itself is actually the root of the issue. It sounds like you want her to connect with you and engage in foreplay before incorporating toys. Easy conversation that you just need to have.
OP: Makes a respectful, desperate plea for help about toy use and dynamics in the bedroom
Commenter 1: u fukin dummie get a thicker skin
Commenter 2: They’ll take my toys from my cold dead hands
Commenter 3: Well maybe if you’d make her come before you wouldn’t be here you asshole!!!
It’s quite sickening tbh.
OP, try to talk with her, and _understand_ why she likes using toys so much, whether she realises how you feel, and how you can manage a solution where she gets what she wants (is it toy use? Is it just orgasming?) And you do too (feeling part of sex)
That will take lots of introspection. If you are feeling threatened by not getting her off as well as her toys (classic fear), you will have to get past it and see them as your tools as much as hers. If you were not pleasuring her, you’ll have to accept that and try to figure out why. And it will take introspection for her too.
Talk, talk to her man. Sucks to feel how you’re feeling but it doesn’t need to be that way! Good luck
Fuck me lads the guy feels neglected and a lot of these comments are just neglecting how he is feeling, he obviously cares about his SOs pleasure but he doesn’t want to feel like just a toy he wants to feel like a partner. I know it’s going to be hard man but you have to talk to her about this.
With my wife. we use them too but not 100% I don’t mind them at all but the position makes it difficult for me to finish. So we “take turns” a little for me a little for her. It’s all about communication.
I would add. Sex is different every everytime. We mix it up try different things in different order. Different vibe too. I focus on this because there for awhile we fell into a routine and it wasn’t great for either of us.
Men use tools. The vibrator can do things your body can’t. I bet your wife would love it if you used the tool on her.
Sex is about pleasure too. Your girlfriend enjoys the vibrator and she should be encouraged to enjoy it in your company as you are her partner.
Sex has to work for both parties. Tell her that you’d just like an amp on the romantic and sensual sides of your sex as you miss it. Then you can have the best of both worlds.
There’s so many different kinds of sex. Sometimes make it about getting her off a ton. Sometimes make it about the closeness you’re looking for. Sometimes make it rough or filthy. Play with it.
Yeah, did that once figured out that sextoys are much better then my husband. Then figured out that if I remove the husband alltogether, it gets even better! So I replaced him with Orochi from bad dragon and had no complains ever since.
I talked to my wife after we both felt that sex toys were making the sex formulaic and needing the toys to get her off, before I could do it fine. We haven’t used them in two and a half months and the sex is amazing.
These comments. Every time a man posts something he gets obliterated. The double standard is so fucking real in this sub.
Reverse the genders. NO ONE would be asking “Are you sure he was cumming?”
You guys are going to get that no man voices ever his feelings / opinion. Nice job.
She may not have actually been finishing and needs extra stimulation (which is VERY NORMAL for women).
Communicate it with her and ask if you can come to a compromise. Be stern with your boundaries and make sure you explain to her that it’s not about depriving her but you also want to enjoy the sex as well.
Toys are friends, not competition