I (25M) met a woman (24F) on hinge and we’ve been on three dates—two of the three we’ve gotten physical to some degree (third base at most), but I felt a bit strange after the fact. It’s perhaps noteworthy context that she’s only the second woman I’ve been physical with—I’m not a super experienced dater. I suppose this is a lack of sexual chemistry, or lack of exploration as to what works for me in bed, maybe. Either way, I feel really bad I initiated getting physical, and wound up not liking it.
The thing is I always enjoy this person’s company. We have a lot in common and I look really fondly at the time we’ve spent together, just not really the intimacy. I feel like I’d really love to be this person’s friend but the pressure of being romantic/intimate with her just doesn’t appeal to me and stresses me out.
The obvious answer is we should just be friends, but is that an okay boundary to set so soon after we have been intimate? She seems to like me more than I like her, she texts me first all the time and initiates dates a lot. I feel really bad stringing her along, but I’d be genuinely excited to hang out with her if there was no date-pressure.
So bottom line—is two dates with making out, followed by *one more* this far after without doing so an appropriate timeline to earnestly express how I really feel? Will it appear all I wanted was sex? Does anyone believe you when you say you just want to be friends?
1 comment
I would not, coming from the perspective of what that women would experience. I met someone on Hinge, and he wasn’t feeling it, but insisted on being friends. It was alright at first, but there have been so many occasions where that boundary has been crossed. He’s pretty passive about it and avoids discussing it, which has been a huge issue for me personally.
One of you is bound to harbor some residual feelings, and it’ll likely just hurt when someone starts seeing someone new. I would say give it time perhaps, but don’t jump into friendship right away if you really want to do that. Only ask it you have genuine intentions – don’t keep her around for sex, emotional support, just cause.
Personally, I wish we had just parted ways because there has been a lot of fighting and the friendship is finally fizzling out. Just be honest with her, and know she may say no to being friends.