Hey Community,
i am getting this quite often from my friends circle : their boyfriends are thinking that we are fascinating about getting the big D and that we are into wild sex same as those girls in the porno movies. The porno industry is kinda ruining the imagination of nowadays men … why am i bringing this up? Because there are tooooo many boys willing to see us getting fucked/ dominated by a big D and that’s not what I personally want – and sincerely that is not what many of us want 🙁
46 comments
Penis size is the last thing on my mind. I’m a petite woman with a very shallow vagina and my husband bumps my cervix as it is with his 5 inches.
No doubt there are women who want an 8” monster to play with, but men think that’s every woman, and that’s patently incorrect.
Agreed. Really big ducks hurt in certain positions and that’s just no fun. Not to mention average sized dicks are a lot easier to blow and I’m way more likely to want to go down on one. The most sensitive area of the vagina is just a few inches inside, so beyond that you’re not getting a ton of benefit from length.
my hubby has 6.5-7 and i’d love it to be more like 4 , hurts and hard to enjoy at times.
“Ignore the words, observe the behavior. The latter often betrays the former”.
A man told me this once (several, actually) many years ago when I first joined the USAF. Conservatively, it was 95% male in my line of work, so I got to hear ALL the things that men think but never say. The above mantra is in regards to women and what they look for in a man; physical features, socioeconomic status, etc. Never listen to the words, always observe the behavior and adjust accordingly.
This post right here, is the words.
It’s not possible to find an answer, because for a lot of them it is THEIR fantasy (“willing to see us” as if it’s just for the woman, I don’t believe that for a second) that they are projecting onto us.
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All we can do is say this is not of interest and say what we DO want, and break up with guys who refuse to believe that.
It’s all pornography. Unfortunately in todays world every single male has looked at pornography and have been subjected to the big penis world on video. They see women lusting after it, enjoying it, getting more pleasure from it. But what they don’t notice is how exaggerated porn is, how far removed from reality it can be, and how it truly does not reflect the real world. But that doesn’t stop porn from imprinting on men. They then end up more obsessed over dick than most women, when they should be using that same energy to find ways to make sex more fun, more engaging sans penis. Just look at lesbian sex is, they find so many creative ways to give each other pleasure.
Big dicks are a male fantasy and when a guy tells you that, there’s nothing wrong with pointing that out. Spend enough time on r/bigdickproblems and you’ll start to notice that some men fantasize extensively about having a big dick themselves, about other men having them, about how partners will react to them, and about how partners remember the size of penises they’ve seen. Porn plays a part but really it’s a level of immaturity to not understand how much it is a fetish rather than a commonplace part of sex.
I mean I am starving for big cocks. Maybe there’s just enough women that want it that all the dudes that don’t have it get insecure.
Its so upsetting talking to the loveliest men about their anxieties associated with Big D.
Even from men who have Big D. Most of us literally don’t give a shit about Big D!
The solution is as simple as it is utopian:
We need mandatory sex ed in secondary schools that includes educating about pleasure instead of only focusing on conception, STDs and contraception.
In my country we have sex ed and the culture is quite relaxed concerning a nude human body. I learned about BC pills and the Nuva ring and IUDs at age 13. However, it never mentioned pleasure, orgasm (male ejaculation, yes), the clit and so on.
Most real women do not want sex that looks like sex in porn.
I like “wild sex”, but for me that has absolutely nothing to do with what I see in most mainstream porn, which would be choking on a 10″ dick until my eyes water, followed by getting my pussy spit on and slap-rubbed with the guy’s whole hand moving rapidly back and forth like he’s sanding a piece of wood, followed by being penetrated for half an hour in different positions while I pretend to cum repeatedly.
No thank you.
I have a low cervix, and a really big cock is not only not a fantasy for me, it’s inconvenient and painful.
I fear for young people who get their idea of what sex is supposed to look like from PornHub.
As the OP said, it’s the porn and the fantasy. It’s no different than the big boobs bubble butt fantasy created porn and media and thousands of women torture themselves striving to achieve.
“Many guys” don’t think this. I am sure a lot do but perhaps it’s concentrated in your circle
I like Dr. Ian Kerner’s videos on YouTube. “She Comes First” has a lot of potential situations in it. Than there is “He Comes Second” which presents another aspect of sexual activity with her preforming her specialties.
Sex does not flow like porn describes it. That is a male sexual fantasy. In it a monster dick is required, and the woman is an almost silent partner.
Whereas sex should be communicating between the parties involved. He should be reassuring her of his fidelity, and complimenting her good points. Whereas she should be complimentary about him in so many ways that need not be enumerated here.
The vagina and dick are for his pleasure. She needs so much more than is seen on pornography. Her clitoris and nipples are her sexual organs use them effectively. But remember her whole body is a usable source of sexual pleasure for her. Use it wisely for pleasuring her has its potential benefits. The fMRI research recently showed that she can orgasm so much more than he can, if she is properly stimulated. This is much more sexual than the male can usually appreciate in most cases.
Bringing the female to her sexual peak initially will benefit the male so much more than he can ever imagine if he is caught in the pornography merry go round. Most women don’t just lay there and permit you to whomp on them unless they get an equal share of the sexual pleasure that is involved. This is why many women give up on sex early on. There is so much more to sex than just pleasing the man sexually.
Check out these videos, and see that there is so much more to be accomplished by both partners.
You know, it would be helpful if females would voice that a little more once they get things started sexually with their partners. MAJORITY of men have some level of insecurity regarding size, even dudes with average and slightly above average cocks. Mostly as you say, because of unrealistic expectations set by porn industry. BUT also all it takes is heating ONE woman speak on big dicks and it confirms our insecurity.
The same way women want affirmation about their beauty and body’s as being their partners desired looks, men would and could use the same affirmation regarding their penis size. So voice up and don’t assume that he should know and be confident about it without you ever confirming to them that their cocks are satisfying.
The first boyfriend that I actually had sex with was very, very well endowed.
Never. Again. Ugh.
If all women wanted big dicks things like the ohnut wouldn’t exist.
You’ve got the nail on the head; porn creates a lot of unrealistic expectations in those who may not have received a well-rounded (read: realistic) sexual education. Unfortunately this is what happens when you have powers that be dictating that teens and young adults don’t need to know about sex, thereby opening them up to teen pregnancy, STIs or an unrealistic view of sex that takes far more time to untangle.
However, that’s another argument for another time.
The best way to combat against this at home is to communicate what you like very clearly to your partner and be patient. The best place to start is to tell them how you like to masturbate; while Rome wasn’t built in a day, taking the guesswork out of how you like to be pleasured by telling your partner alleviates a lot of performance anxiety on their part and dissatisfaction on yours.
Keeping an open, honest line of communication in regards to sex is the best way to untangle a lot of unrealistic bullshit. Your partner is not and will never be a mindreader and if you’re open to communicating your needs, odds are they will become comfortable with communicating theirs as well. This is also a good practice for discussing boundaries as well as fantasies.
I hope that helps! In regards to big dicks however, it needs to be tattooed into people that EVERYONE is different and as such, everyone likes different kinds of sex. Not everyone wants a giant monster cock inside them, some people are size queens. What matters is quality of sex over quantity- of inches in the pants, of positions done, of partners. The best way of showing that is by talking about it. Honestly, so many psychosexual hangups could be resolved if people just talked openly and honestly about it.
I’ve had a few big dicks. And you know what? They HURT. There’s something called a cervix, and you’re smashing it, bro.
The most common complaint about size from women is not “too small”, but too big and therefore painful.
I am confused by your question in regards to your profile says you have a “bull” and cuckhold on your only fans. But hey if they are into that they’re into that.
That said your point is valid. However porn makes dicks look big by having small women with small hands and physically small men. An above average 6.5” penis looks average on a 6’5” guy but big on a 5’5” guy. Women are often around or under 5’ and 100lbs…. This is by no means always.
If you go to r/bigdickproblems it is sadly a bunch of insecure guys with only a little bit of truth and help for problems like condom fitting and making sex work.
I’m 6’2” and have 7”, with 5.6” girth but a grower not a shower. Struggled with body positivity. The locker room can be cruel.
Never thought I was actually at or above average until experience with cervix hitting, not being able to get good blowjobs and girls who want to try anal then back off quickly.
Learned a lot and that there is someone for everyone that wants want you have.
The bigger question is why some people think that what they see in porn is real.
There’s absolutely nothing real about it. Ppl are having sex in uncomfortable positions, moaning like sick animals, looking at the camera, eating Viagra, shooting out fake cum and peeing instead of squirting, doing PIV and anal with no foreplay… The list is endless.
You’re talking about immature ppl who lack education. The education system obviously has to change.
I think men absolutely overestimate the level of preference women have about dicks. My boyfriend would ask me whether I prefer them short, long, thick, slim, curved, straight, cut, uncut, veiny, evenly shaped etc. And I literally never in my life even tried to imagine what a perfect dick looked like to me. Literally just has to be attached to a nice person and shouldn’t be so big it hurts. He’s been thinking a fuckton more about perfect dicks than I have lol.
But like, same probably goes for women stressing about the appearance of their vulva or body in general.
I just want a man who doesn’t cum in 2 mins, doesn’t just jackhammer, and works on the g spot.
If most men would pay attention to what women are telling them, or trying to tell them, it would only take a few partners to realize that the myth of the big D obsession is not true. Of course men have to also believe what women are telling them and not snap back to there erroneous perception of what women want. Listen and trust. That’s hard for some of us men for some reason.
I’ve slept with people who are 4in-9in. To me the happy place is 6-7 in. But the only downside to bigger is it’s easier to get dried out faster. But I like my cervix hit. Sooo it just comes down to what is your best physical fit.
Ugh yes 100%. Had an ex who was very long and liked to jackhammer. My poor cervix. I didn’t know sex wasn’t supposed to be somewhat painful until I broke up with him and met someone else. Bigger isn’t always better, boys!
Not any different than women thinking we all want big tits and a shaved bare pussy
You post history says the opposite of this post?!?
I like a penis that is big enough to feel filled and average size does that beautifully. The one time I had sex with someone with a longer penis it made certain positions uncomfortable and awkward, and the one time I had a thicker than average girth it hurt and I ended up having to ice my nether regions! And I do like being pounded and having wild sex.
As a man I’ve managed to have recognized this as I’ve grown about women, but yes this is a massive issue for most guys in general.
At the end of the day, you should be able to ask your partner, regardless of sex, if they enjoyed it and were satisfied. They should be able to answer honestly and you both should be able to make any adjustments. The real worst problem is lying to your partner to help them not feel bad if they didn’t do as well as they hoped
“Why do guys think we want to be dominated by a bigger D?”
“Also check out my only fans where I have my big D bull come visit me when bf is away.”
Sounds like you’re feeding the monster you’re complaining about.
But aren’t you, really?
Not a girl, but I do suffer from this exact anxiety so I can comment on why I suffer from it. There are a lot of reasons, but in my experience:
– Some of it is literal anxiety. I have pretty bad anxiety in general, and it extends to my self image and encompasses dick size too.
– When I was younger, I bought into the idea that bigger dick = better for women. Fortunately that part was pretty easy to leave behind when I actually started having sex and learned a lot more about sex from a woman’s perspective.
– Now, the concern exists largely as an illogical splinter thought. Like I know a big dick doesn’t automatically mean pleasure, I know porn is unrealistic, I have a healthier body image, like all the circumstances are right for me to logically understand that dick size is largely irrelevant. And yet some stupid part of my lizard brain can’t let go.
My guess is simply conditioning and some less than healthy sexual experiences when I was young. Like if you spend 15+ years of your life buying into or trying to unwind a belief, it’s still going to be difficult.
Culturally, the jokes and porn and so many other elements are still there, signaling that big dick = better. Most likely because men are the ones writing ads and making porn and doing a bunch of shit for other men. A real blind leading the blind situation, you know?
The other part is definitely a lack of comprehensive sex education in most places. Specifically US in my case, but I had to learn everything I know now as a 30 year old dude more or less on my own, through experience and personal education.
For so many people, it’s just easier to not learn, so they go on perpetuating the beliefs, misunderstanding sexual pleasure dynamics, and buying into the illusory hype around big fat cocks.
Like I said, even now that I feel much more comfortable and secure in my body and sexual experience and knowledge, I’m still sometimes hung up on the idea. I recognize objectively, even in the moment, how stupid it is, but I guess that’s what you get when you’re inundated with unhealthy sexual misinformation for most of your lifespan.
Porn has fried their brains to the point they think they need a 7”+ penis and that’s all women want.
I have no interest in men who are above 5.5” inches. My husband is 4” and tbh I’m very thankful. Like he’s a bit insecure about his size, but just like 10/10 👌🏽😩💯
Speak for yourself sis. Some of us do want that dominating big dick sesh.
Up until a few years ago, I always thought I was under average. I’ve had many partners over the span of 40+ years and not a single one had ever said anything to me regarding my size, one way or another, wether we had vaginal, anal or oral. Then again, I never made the focus of sex my dick or PIV in general. The focus of sex to me is satisfy the woman first and foremost, by any means necessary. I generally have had a lot of repeat business and have never been in a situation where I caused pain to the woman during penetration. As such, what I believe regarding dicks, is something that women often mention, a lot of men are just terrible at sex and *that* is what makes the dick and issue, not necessarily the size although ymmv.
Edit: grammar
I’m good without a big dick. I find most of them don’t even know how to use it. It just hurts. Give me an average size Dick with a man who’s working hard to “make” up for his size any damn day
I feel like a guy wrote this for validation
ive realized a lot of it has to do with porn and unhappy sex lives. they think their not big enough because their gf/wife doesn’t want to have sex that often or arnt squirting or whatever else they think or find attractive from porn. Or their gf/wife lays there like a “dead fish” as I’ve heard it referred to as many times and doesn’t put the effort in also.
I agree with most of what you said. I don’t think it’s as black and white as that and there are a lot of women who would at least prefer bigger even if that’s not a necessity. At least a lot of women vocally disparage small dicks, “little dick energy” is a thing. Maybe being huge isn’t the most important but there’s a lot of pressure to NOT be small. I’m really confused by the context of your post when you are commenting on a lot of pictures of big dicks asking them to fuck you/cuck your boyfriend? It seems like some cognitive dissonance. IMO the prevalence of cuckold and power dynamic stuff is way more of a sign of porn rotting people’s brains than thinking women prefer big dicks. Cucking is way more outside of the norms of sexuality that this post comes across as kind of hypocritical. Like why are you shaming men for thinking women like big dicks but also playing into that by praising big dicks? I don’t understand. At the very least, since you should know your kinks are very much not in line with most people’s, why would you assume all your thoughts regarding penises are shared by all women? People all like different things and you can’t really paint with a broad brush like that.
I’m not sure there’s much that can be done. I think there are a lot of men who would rather listen to other men about what women want than listen to women.
I work in the porn industry, so you can tell ’em you got the inside scoop. Okay so, yes, there are some women who prefer a long schlong, a girthy girding, a burgeoning bulge, but that ain’t why all the dudes in porn sport that $5 footlong. Most of the women in those scenes don’t give a damn. The dicks in porn are big because straight men like seeing big dicks in porn. That’s it. If straight men preferred seeing small dicks, we’d hire dudes with names like Strawberry Shortcock instead of Magnum Opus. Just basic business, yeah? So unless a dude is trying to impress straight men, or he is trying to impress a narrow subset of women with strong size preferences, the meatlength of his member is inconsequential.
I do not like huge dicks, 6.3 in is the max I can do comfortably and even then I have to tread carefully anything after that is a no.
Great topic. Thanks for the insight. I was searching for this exact information. As a black man (40) I guess I am expected to have a large penis. I have an average penis (6×4.5″) but I am pleaser ( I observe my partner to see how she responds to whatever I am doing) and I am able to go back to back.
I have been rejected by a female for not being big enough and I have been told that it is small.
Which lead me to an obsession with big dicks
( not bisexual ) I just admire them with envy. Wondering how my partner would respond to a bigger one.
Thinking of being cucked just to see her response to someone bigger.
Definitely needed to read this post thank you for sharing.
Currently reading “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski (definitely a recommended read.) and it’s been pretty enlightening so far. Men often have the skewed perception that all it takes to be good during sex is to have a big penis. When in reality that rarely plays a factor into what makes sex satisfying for women, and to men for some extent. In the book Nagoski talks about how sex for women has more to do with how they’re feeling vs physicality. The latter is what porn seems to hone in on. Porn more often than not is about the physicality of sex, rather than the pleasure of sex. And it’s like that because that’s what sells. Foreplay and building up pleasure isn’t as visually satisfying as seeing some jacked dude with an impossible penis hammering away with some woman. All of this to say that I agree with the statement that porn is ruining a generation of guys who can’t differentiate between porn and sex.
I think a lot of this idea comes from hookup culture and swingers. Even then it’s often used just to filter out the droves of men trying to contact them just to hookup. Idk I could be wrong.