Even in long term relationships where there’s a huge comfort level and we are way past any awkward getting-to-know-each-other phase, I’ve always felt so uncomfortable keeping my eyes open/making eye contact during sex. I’m (36/F) in a very new relationship with my boyfriend (40), but it’s already incredibly clear to both of us that this is different than relationships we’ve had in the past. I know I’m not going anywhere and I’m pretty certain he’s not either. The sex is great, but I really want to finally get over this whole eye-contact-during-sex insecurity that I’ve always had because I’m crazy about him and not only do I want to feel more connected with him when we are intimate, but I also want to make sure he has no doubts that I’m present in the moment and enjoying myself. So, I’m wondering from the male perspective, how important is it to you that a woman makes eye contact during sex? Does it bother you a lot if she doesn’t? (I should be specific and say that it’s not at zero. I do really make an effort to look in his eyes. I just want to feel more comfortable with it.) This is not at all some huge issue nor do I think it’d ever become a huge issue between us. I haven’t even talked to him about it. It’s just something I personally want to get better at so I’m curious how men feel about it and if any other women struggle with the same thing or if I’m just in the minority with my social anxiety/awkwardness issues!
6 comments
You’re not alone on this. I still find it difficult to maintain prolonged eye contact with my wife (we’ve been together 10 years) as I feel it comes off as creepy if that makes any sense.
Like you, I definitely do have eye contact but I keep it short and intermittant. She is similar in her interaction and I don’t have any issue with it if it helps to answer your original question.
I’d say that maybe you should work toward frequency as opposed to duration. Return to his face often then visually stroll around the rest of his body before returning to his eyes. I don’t kbow many guys who would be offended by their partners looking at and admiring their body, even if it means a little less eye contact.
Good luck!
I never give eye contact either, far too awkward for it 😅 one time I tried it and the guy just said ‘what?’ like I was being strange for doing it 😂 I just look at their bodies and everything else in general
I find eye contact awkward with my wife and we have been married 20 years. Theres just something about it that triggers a certain stage fright/self consciousness and it takes my focus entirely off what I’m feeling, which is key to me actually getting to that distraction free mind space where I can orgasm.
Sometimes we’ll even put on the TV as a distraction as I find I can get there faster if I think she’s NOT focused on me. For this reason I almost always can cum when she gets on top of me in reverse cowgirl, but other positions where she’s facing me I have a hard time unless its been a long time and Im super horned up. I sometimes have a feeling like I should try harder with this one and Im missing out on an entirely new level of intimacy.
I once did a weekend workshop where we practiced being 100% present with other people- being aware of various fears, thoughts, etc. almost like a sitting meditation. It’s entirely possible to get comfortable being with someone. Eyes are just really intimate aspect. Then sex is much easier to connect as well
Yeah I definitely can’t keep my eyes open and I’ve been with my husband for 7 years. I don’t want to feel awkward by just staring at him the whole time. Even if my back is turned my eyes are closed.
It’s extremely common for people to feel uncomfortable with prolonged eye contact (2+ minutes). I’m one of those people. But I LOOOVE eye contact during sex. Whether it’s rough or romantic sec, eye contact is important to me.