Not sure what to do anymore

He cheated on me 30-something years ago with a co-worker and I found out 2 years ago. He cheated on me while I was pregnant with his child and for years afterward. I’ll never be the same and it hurts so damn much. I’m doing the work I have to do to heal, but I just don’t think I can ever love or trust him again.

He thinks that doing basic level things now, like walking the dog or doing the dishes is a big fucking deal and look at how he’s stepping up to fix the relationship. He’s retired and sits around the house all day. He does one thing and makes a huge production out of it. Or he naps all day and then gets upset when I want to go to bed at ten after I’ve been working all day. He’s slovenly and wears the same stained sweatpants and t shirt everyday. When I found out about the affair, I lost a lot of weight and started taking care of myself, buying nice clothes and getting my hair done. I wanted to look good for him and try and put the relationship back together. I make the effort for myself now. He hardly notices or I get a “you look good”. Never “you look beautiful or gorgeous”.

He makes no effort. He hardly ever touches me and kisses me like I’m his grandmother. We have a nice house and are comfortable financially. I’m so angry that if I leave, I’m going to have to struggle again after struggling with money my entire adult life. I just don’t feel anything anymore. I look at him like a roommate at this point. He doesn’t do anything romantic – he told me last night that guys “pretend” to be romantic and they’re really just full of shit. He bought me flowers all the time when we were dating. When I told him that he laughed and said “Well, I had motivation back then.”

I guess what is really making me stop and think is I recently reunited via Ancestry with a distant cousin. I met him years ago and we wrote long, beautiful, romantic letters to each other. He came out for a weekend and we made love. It was wonderful while it lasted and I’m not looking to start anything up with him again. It’s just made me realize that there are good guys out there that can be romantic and caring and I deserve that. I just won’t get it from him. I don’t know what to – stay and be comfortable materially with a man who is broken and emotionally unavailable or just cut my losses and leave?

Thanks for listening. I’m sorry this is rambling and incoherent.