*(This is quite lengthy so I hope this is done right, if not I’m very sorry. I’ll also state the ages of everyone involved in case I forget. I’m 20 (F), Sue is 28 (F), Dianne is 29 (F), and Liam is 31 (M))*
I’ll refer to her as “Sue” throughout the entirety of this post. Sue and I have known each other for about 3 years. We didn’t speak much in the beginning, but when our mutual friends started hanging out with each other, we started talking more as well. With time, our friend group has dwindled to a mere 3 (Sue, our other friend Dianne, and myself). Sue and Dianne are far closer than I am with either of them, really. They’ll talk about super personal problems or make inside jokes and then apologize to me because I wouldn’t get it even if they elaborated. No big deal.
Fast forward to approximately 8 months ago. Sue started seeing a family friend behind her husband’s back and wanted affirmation from Dianne and me that what she was doing was justified since her husband was never home and they were no longer in love. Dianne was fully supportive, and while I had reservations due to my own personal beliefs; I wished her the best regardless. Sue eventually integrated the family friend (who shall now be known as Liam) into our friend group so Dianne and I could get to know him. I should also mention that Dianne started traveling around this time and scarcely kept in contact with anyone as she wanted to focus more on herself. Sue and Liam were quite serious about having a relationship together, though Liam cried to me when Sue left during one of our tipsy game nights. He broke down in tears telling me about how insecure and trashy he felt trying to pursue someone he thought was available only to find she was still married. He admitted he wanted to break things off with her because he didn’t want to be the reason a family fell apart and asked me if it was the right thing to do. I, despite my inexperience, told him that I couldn’t advise him on what to do there. He had to do what he felt was best and caused the least amount of pain. He ended up coming clean to Sue’s husband and family a few weeks after which caused a huge rift between himself, Sue, her husband, and her family. Sue advised Dianne and me not to speak to Liam at all and we respected her wishes.
About 4 months ago, Sue suddenly reintegrated Liam into our friend group and stated she understood why he did what he did and she still loved him. Liam was fine with being brought back into the friend group but was clearly discomforted by the fact that Sue kept shamelessly flirting with him. Sue complained to me constantly about this issue and while I wanted to help, I simply couldn’t as I was far too overwhelmed by suddenly being dumped right before my finals and the steady decline of my grades. I fell into a depressive slump and I really didn’t want to chat with anyone or hear about their drama, despite this, Sue made kind gestures toward me. Whenever I would thank her or give the slightest interaction, however, she would randomly bring up how she was super upset Liam was ignoring her and how it felt as though he didn’t love her anymore despite all of the passionate moments they shared. I couldn’t take it and shut myself down completely for a month. During that time, Sue stopped talking to me and Liam and mainly spoke with Dianne and our other mutual friends. After returning from my hiatus, I got a heartfelt apology from Liam and we both started hanging out more often and fully getting to know each other, which led to the development of a relationship.
Skipping to now, neither of us had heard from Sue or Dianne until Sue randomly reached out to me which I found very strange. It’d been about 2 or 3 months of radio silence from her and she suddenly came around again to talk about how much she missed talking to me (despite the fact that she removed me from all of our group chats, never responded to me whenever I would say hi, and barred me from looking at private chats we had with Dianne). I was very curt with her and after our brief conversation- which involved some awkward hello’s and Sue promptly asking if Liam ever asks about her or if he feels as sad as she does, I got a message from Dianne asking why I was being so rude to Sue when she was trying to rekindle our friendship. I didn’t respond as I honestly had nothing to say. I want to rekindle friendships if they aren’t too far gone. Sue has been something of a friend to me, but I never felt like a friend to her due to the constant exclusion. Sue doesn’t have many friends or people she feels comfortable talking to. Should I reach out to her and ask if we can be friends again? If I do that, what do I say to her about Liam and myself? Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.
**TLDR;** My ex-friend (who doesn’t have many close friends) wants to be friends again, but her main concern when reaching out again was if my boyfriend (her previous sneaky link) missed her or asked me about how she was doing. I don’t want to shut her out completely, but I don’t know how to speak to her again after her ignoring me for 2 – 3 months.