I’ve been spending time with a guy (20) for a few months. We spent time getting to know each other, around 3 months in we started going on actual dates. We basically only hug. There have been times where I tried to hold his hand or brush his arm. Small things to see if touch was something that he wanted. But he never accepted my gestures. So I stopped. Though, he recently held my hand-in public even. I’ve tried to lean my head on his shoulder but he doesn’t react in any way so I end up retreating. He definitely likes to take things slow, and I appreciate it. I’m also ok with it. But I’m a very loving person and sometimes I just want to give him a kiss when I see him, but I find myself holding off maybe out of respect? I don’t really know.
But I do wonder why a guy wouldn’t engage in physical touch. Just to consider the possible reasons before I approach him about it.
11 comments
Might not be his love language or is scared.
Fear of being rejected.
Fear, as others have mentioned.
Trauma is another.
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I don’t like being touched, except by those closest to me. People who have my full trust.
A phrase I’m kind of famous for among friends is *”If you lay hands on me, we’re fighting or we’re fucking. There is no in-between.”*
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Bring it up with him, ask him if he’s comfortable with you. Tell him you’d really like to kiss him, and ask if it’d be okay.
The assumption is, because he’s a man, that by default he’d welcome any physical touching by someone he’s attracted to. That may not the case, or may be the case *with provisos*, same as with a woman.
He’s a person, an individual. So talk to the individual and find out what’s up.
This doesn’t seem the guy for you.
Why not ask him? That’s what I would have done
Most likely it means he is inexperienced.
He may tend to ‘lose control’ during touching (want to go too far).
He may have ‘intimacy issues’ (amongst those: impotency).
Maybe he’s just an introvert. Or autistic.
He may not be romantically interested.
He may come from religious, cultural or home background where it’s frowned upon.
He may be inexperienced and lacks confidence. He may not recognize or believe you actually want him to touch you.
He may be autistic and have sensory issues.
Combination of any of the above
Fear of making the wrong move.
Just kiss him already.
If i do that, it means i want to date you fr. Idk if it works lol, but i dont wanna make it seem like all i want is sex