My wife and I have been trying for 2 months now, going on month 3 of the ovulating cycle.
Before “trying to conceive” we were a 2-3x per week couple, some weeks more, other weeks less. Just depending on how our days went, how tired we were if we had date nights, etc.
The first month was awesome, and the second month was pretty cool.. but now my wife wants to do it every night she is ovulating, every other night the week before and after.. Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife, she is beautiful, I love being intimate and having sex with her.. But this past week going on 4 days in a row now, especially last night – I just felt like I was doing a job and not enjoying having sex. Which makes it harder to reach climax, and just isn’t as fun.
I was tired last night, and if I could just syringe it out of me and put it in her, I totally would have lol. Has anyone else experienced this when trying to conceive?
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Shockingly, even most men aren’t sex machines who can just turn it on whenever. We’re kind of socially told we’re supposed to be but like, why? Sometimes I’m just not in the mood, or tired, or stressed, or whatever.
I totally hear you, my husband and I feel the same it can be tough. We jokingly call it ‘the process’ and sometimes it does feel a bit like ‘okay it’s go time let’s get this done’. In terms of romance.. let’s just say when he comes he says ‘bombs away’ and I say good job and we high five… I guess what I am trying to say is, you’re in this together and just try and have fun with it even if you’re not 100% into it.
That’s a pretty common sentiment around that time. Maybe get some sexy dice to keep it interesting? We got pregnant in month three of trying, so I don’t have a whole lot of extra tips to give, but hang in there! The baby part is amazingly awesome too!
Lol. When we were trying to get pregnant, I’d do the ovulation test. I had cancer prior n so we needed all the help.
If I got the smiley face he’d so into work all pouty because he had to work again when he got home
Those extra 5 minutes of work in the evening must have been hard
Ok so I had this problem ..we did get pregnant eventually but I had to quit trying so hard. I know it sounds really weird but as soon as I gave up I was pregnant.
Tell her. TALK!!
Yup. We had fertility issues. The hormone strip told us when we were going to have sex.
All the dates and flowers and candles and toys and new positions couldn’t keep us both from getting fed up after a few months.
Keep making each other feel desired – especially when you get burned out and quit wanting sex.
Watch Mama Dr Jones and some of the other instagram fertility specialists – every other day is best.
But yes. We started off every day and then every other eventually. It takes time – 2-3 xs a week should be sufficient regardless if you have no known complications.
I completely feel this.
With our first baby, I wanted to try to plan everything out. I went a little crazy. We had sex for 9 days in a row. We typically do 1-2 times a week. We were both completely exhausted and said we’d never be that crazy about “trying” again. Welp it worked and we got pregnant first cycle trying.
I just got off the pill a few weeks ago and we’re trying again. But we aren’t exhausting ourselves again. This time around we’re trying to just have fun and relax.
I would recommend using ovulation predictor sticks, often called OPKs. If everything is normal, you will never have to guess when she’s going to ovulate ever again. I used the app and products from Modern Fertility. They’re great.
Also, sex every 2 or 3 days in the fertile window is recommended, not every day. Sperm bros can live for like 4 days and can get themselves to the Fallopian tubes in less than 5 minutes. You just need to catch the day or two before or day of ovulation and you’re set.
ETA: Join some of the trying to conceive subs. There’s tons of great info there. You’ll learn more than you ever wanted or needed to.
Yeah it’s work. But if you want a kid it’s necessary.
Yes. But we tried for 3.5 years to conceive
My husband and I tried for 3 years … yes 3 years. and very quickly it became about having a baby and not about the connection. We tried to be intentional about it and still enjoy it but he did have many times where he felt like a sperm donor lol for what it’s worth, there’s a very short window of fertility each month so you can rest after that window is done haha but it does start to lose its luster really quick.
It was horrible. It ended up being like meat slapping by the end of the week. When we gave up and were just having regular encounters it happened.
i went through this…. ended up going with IVF. sorry dude theres not a great way to get around this
i agree with folks that say to just “give up” and it happens. i think the problem was her incredible stress and pressure – we did like 5 failed embryo transfers and the 6th that finally worked was when i took a three week road trip, she did the transfer without me there, and i never asked about the results until she told me it was positive.
It’s cliche to say but once we stopped trying we got pregnant🤷♀️I suffered secondary infertility and when I just said screw it and it’s whatever we ended up getting pregnant with our son. Also please note it can take 6-8 months for a healthy couple to get pregnant, we tried for 3 1/2 years! So two months in and nothing I wouldn’t worry just yet.
Every 2nd day during the window is just as effective.
Relax and enjoy your experience.
Me and my husband definitely went through that when trying to conceive. Some months were easier than others. Some times he would joke that he wasn’t sure there was anything left to give.
Trying to conceive takes the spontaneity out of your sex life. And it is not for the faint of heart! Haha hang in there!! What you are feeling is completely normal. 😊
Your experience is common among couples experiencing infertility. Try to focus on being in the moment as much as possible.
Buy urine ovulation tests, helps narrow the window, could ease the pressure of a lot of sex.
We tried naturally for 5 years. It got really old eventually. Became programmatic, all for a purpose. We pretty much only had sex during my fertile window.
We are trying to conceive. We shoot for every other night during ovulation cycle. We average 2-3 times a week and have our whole marriage. I did not want TTC to ruin our sexual satisfaction, so we have missed cycles (I got COVID last month during ovulation and didn’t have sex during that time).
TTC sex is the worst consensual sex you can have. It is a job. Hopefully you won’t have to punch in much more before you get pregnant and get the break you need to get back to recreational boinking.
You and your wife need to throw some romance, back into your sex life. Just because you are trying to conceive doesn’t make it okay to stop with the love. Try giving each other a sensual massage, continue dating your wife, buy her flowers just because, spend an hour or two caressing her, while watching TV, make out like a couple of teenagers, experiment with new locations or positions. The point is put the emphasis back on sex and not on the conception.
From what I’ve heard, this is pretty common. Communicate with your wife, see if you can find a way to make it work for everyone so it doesn’t become a chore
I was so sick of trying for our second. My husband was just getting ready to leave for a little trip with a friend and I knew I’d be ovulating right during that time. We were both so sick of doing it at that point I told him to whack off and when it was about go time he’d just do it then lol. Shockingly that’s the month we conceived 😅 still laugh about it to this day
Yes, because you aren’t having sex for fun. You are doing it for a goal so if you don’t get tje goal it becomes disappointing!
My wife and I had a few months where we agreed, if it happens, it happens. We wanted a kid,and got her. What annoys me still is being raw down there a little bit. I enjoyed the sex, all of it. But, it was tiring at certain times. Also, it was great not worrying about using protection for that time leading up to knowing she was pregnant and most of the 9 months during the pregnancy.
Woman’s perspective:
Yes and it really does take the fun and spontaneity out of it. It took a year and a half for my husband and I to conceive and at the point we were just so tired of having sex. We actually decided to stop trying the month before I got pregnant and just accepted we wouldn’t be able to conceive naturally. When we got the positive pregnancy result, it was almost like a sigh of relief in the sense that we didn’t have to follow a monotonous schedule for sex anymore.
My first trimester was really rough so we didn’t engage in any type of sexual activity and we were both completely fine with that lol.
Something that helped my husband and I, as well as others is the SMEP method.
https://spermmeetseggplan.com/smep-step-by-step/
I have pretty low libido, as this plan has you not feeling pressured between days 1-7 (but every women is different so idk if your wife could/does ovulate super fast) day 8 you start to baby dance every other day until peak ovulation, where you then baby Dance that day, the day after and then the next.
Personally for us after that we continued every other day for a set amount of days.
Currently 35wks pregnant. After 2yrs of trying, this was the only thing that helped.
Honestly, we had the easiest time conceiving with both of ours.
With our first we decided to try just before Christmas, and we found out she was pregnant in the first week in January
With our second it also happened the first month as well so never really had chance to get bored of trying to conceive and all the pressure attached to that
I feel for others as I have several friends who have really struggled with conceiving but we just got really lucky twice
Hey I wonder which aspect of this “just relax” advice is what works?
Like what if your wife tried getting off with a vibrator first. Apparently orgasm can sometimes help release the egg. (Not to imply that you are not getting your wife to orgasm) My brain is just wondering if it would help to have a super strong orgasm first? Also like what if you guys did all of the things that relax a person then tried having sex. Although to be fair if I’m feeling like a limp noodle from a jacuzzi, I’m not keen on sex. Plus who knows if chlorine is bad for sperm. Getting drunk or high works for some people. I reckon start doing random stuff so it’s less monotonous. I’m seriously not trying to be disrespectful.
My experience was baby making sex wasn’t as passionate as normal sex. It was a chore.
Trying to conceive sex is the worst!!! Both my hubby and I found it such a chore and I stopped bothering to be sexy, it was definitely transactional and hubby said I was taking too much of his life force lol
Now we’ve had our baby and the fun is back, it’s just a weird time of getting more sex than ever but it’s… the worst sex ever, lol